Presenting another installment of "Make Time For An Old Friend," which is our way of showing some of the best/worst/strangest things on the Internet that you may never have seen.

I'm pretty much positive you've never seen NetworkTVOnline.info, and that's part of the point. I stumbled across it via random Google search about a year ago, and I find myself coming back to it once in a while, trying to understand what the Hell it is.

Have you ever found yourself somewhere on the Internet and felt as though you were the only person who had ever been there? That's the feeling I get with this site. It feels as though it wasn't even made by human hands -- rather, that it was produced by a happenstance genetic mutation of code in the Internet primordial soup, and evolved into being of its own accord.

It's ... well, I guess it's supposed to be an online TV network. From the "About" page:

We plan on being the premier distribution company for online TV.

We are going head to head with cable and satellite companies, we are going to bring TV to the next level.

The site has the look of a site that was designed in 2002, though I found evidence that it was updated as recently as 2010. Most of the links, which purportedly link to channels such as "Comedy," "Drama," and "Movies," are broken.

The video on the front page works, however, and it serves as the locus of all the confusing strangeness put forth by this site. I ripped it and put it on YouTube, because I wanted to make sure you saw it:

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Presenting another installment of "Make Time For An Old Friend," which is our way of showing some of the best/worst/strangest things on the Internet that you may never have seen.

Everything Is Terrible! might actually be my favorite blog on the entire Internet. These folks acquire old VHS tapes of strange and/or awful movies, instructional videos, commercials, etc., that would otherwise be completely lost to history, then edit and upload them for Internet consumption. The blog's archives figure to keep you entertained for days -- the tag for "Internet" alone is especially recommended viewing -- but there is one of their works in particular, I think, that stands alone as the most noteworthy.

There isn't any nudity or what have you, but still, don't watch this at work. People will think you are weird.

The full name of this film is Truth Or Dare: A Critical Madness. It's a monumentally strange horror movie that features passionate overacting from the lead role, unbelievably awful acting from everyone else, and a $250,000 budget, which is sort of difficult to believe.

Unexpected development: the scene in the mental hospital with the old man is actually disturbing in the way it was intended to be disturbing. That, thankfully, does not last long: the "nyahhh fuck you" kick at 3:04, a mace to an old lady's neck, and the mustachioed gentleman delivering the NYAAAOOWWW line make sure of that.

The ballad at the end, to me, actually sort of morphs this whole thing into a meta-horror flick, in that it's more creepy to imagine how and why this movie was produced. Whether this is stranger than last week's entry, Fred and Sharon's "Peace or War," is a call I'll leave up to you.

p.s. NYAAAAAAAAAOOWWWWW

For more bizarre Internet detritus, check out our Make Time For An Old Friend section.

Hey, y'all! We at Progressive Boink have been screwing around on the Internet for nearly a decade now, and along the way we've come across plenty of stuff on the Internet that's notable for any number of reasons. A lot of this stuff was never seen by a wide audience, and we want to show it to you. "Make Time For An Old Friend" is our means of doing that.

Our first entry is ... well, it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen on the Internet. It only has 15,000 views after four years, so you may well not have seen it.

I want to qualify that statement. There's certainly plenty of stuff on the Internet that's unbelievably weird, but a lot of it is intentionally so. This video, as far as I can tell, was made in earnest. Its creator wasn't trying to be weird. It just turned out that way. And Jesus, did it ever turn out that way.

Fred and Sharon are a couple in Canada who have uploaded tons of videos to YouTube, all of which are super-weird. They clearly take some time to make, and yet they're so ineptly produced that it seems like it has to be a joke. Has to be. It's "Tim and Eric" better than Tim and Eric could do it. The thing is, the more of their videos I watch, the more trouble I have coming to any conclusion other than that these are actual people uploading these actual videos because they actually think they are good.

And by that virtue, they are, in their own unbelievably weird-ass way. Okay. In this video, we start with some footage shot by God-knows-who of some kids playing with a dog in the park as we hear a digitally damaged audio track of Fred offering some spoken-word:

Teachers in the classroom feeling so proud
Children in the schoolyard laughing and clapping
Peace is good

Mothers in the parlor laughing and chatting
Fathers in the workplace happy and building
Peace is good

At the beach they're having a party
Tonight they will be dancing so wildly
Peace is good

We're going to the mall to buy a TV
Maybe a dress or suit [unintelligible]
Peace is good

Man, I don't fuckin' know. We're then whisked away to some 1990s-era toaster-generated world in which Sharon sits in a desk chair retrofitted with a propellor, dropping love -- like, actual hearts -- onto a cityscape. Then the sinister electric guitar fades in, and we're treated to Fred in the same chair, dropping bombs (actual bombs (well, not actual bombs, I was just trying to make clear that i wasn't purporting that he wasn't spittin' rhymes or whatever, ugh nevermind)) while dressed in the universally-recognizable "Commissar hat and shorts sitting in flying K-Mart office chair with socks but no shoes on " villainous visage.

And God knows how the end credits came into being. I don't ... I don't know. I feel like I've seen a ghost, in that I'm completely powerless to explain what the Hell I just saw. The miracle here is that you can actually see what I saw. Doubt you'll have anything to say either.

No clue over here. No idea. None.

For more bizarre Internet detritus, check out our Make Time For An Old Friend section.