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Make Time For An Old Friend: Fred And Sharon's 'Peace Or War.'

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Hey, y'all! We at Progressive Boink have been screwing around on the Internet for nearly a decade now, and along the way we've come across plenty of stuff on the Internet that's notable for any number of reasons. A lot of this stuff was never seen by a wide audience, and we want to show it to you. "Make Time For An Old Friend" is our means of doing that.

Our first entry is ... well, it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen on the Internet. It only has 15,000 views after four years, so you may well not have seen it.

I want to qualify that statement. There's certainly plenty of stuff on the Internet that's unbelievably weird, but a lot of it is intentionally so. This video, as far as I can tell, was made in earnest. Its creator wasn't trying to be weird. It just turned out that way. And Jesus, did it ever turn out that way.

Fred and Sharon are a couple in Canada who have uploaded tons of videos to YouTube, all of which are super-weird. They clearly take some time to make, and yet they're so ineptly produced that it seems like it has to be a joke. Has to be. It's "Tim and Eric" better than Tim and Eric could do it. The thing is, the more of their videos I watch, the more trouble I have coming to any conclusion other than that these are actual people uploading these actual videos because they actually think they are good.

And by that virtue, they are, in their own unbelievably weird-ass way. Okay. In this video, we start with some footage shot by God-knows-who of some kids playing with a dog in the park as we hear a digitally damaged audio track of Fred offering some spoken-word:

Teachers in the classroom feeling so proud
Children in the schoolyard laughing and clapping
Peace is good

Mothers in the parlor laughing and chatting
Fathers in the workplace happy and building
Peace is good

At the beach they're having a party
Tonight they will be dancing so wildly
Peace is good

We're going to the mall to buy a TV
Maybe a dress or suit [unintelligible]
Peace is good

Man, I don't fuckin' know. We're then whisked away to some 1990s-era toaster-generated world in which Sharon sits in a desk chair retrofitted with a propellor, dropping love -- like, actual hearts -- onto a cityscape. Then the sinister electric guitar fades in, and we're treated to Fred in the same chair, dropping bombs (actual bombs (well, not actual bombs, I was just trying to make clear that i wasn't purporting that he wasn't spittin' rhymes or whatever, ugh nevermind)) while dressed in the universally-recognizable "Commissar hat and shorts sitting in flying K-Mart office chair with socks but no shoes on " villainous visage.

And God knows how the end credits came into being. I don't ... I don't know. I feel like I've seen a ghost, in that I'm completely powerless to explain what the Hell I just saw. The miracle here is that you can actually see what I saw. Doubt you'll have anything to say either.

No clue over here. No idea. None.

For more bizarre Internet detritus, check out our Make Time For An Old Friend section.