back | nextSuper Mario Bros.: The Movie (DVD) - Page 1
Author: Mike
Fireball
Average Rating: 
- 255 votes
Keywords: Super Mario
Bros.; Speed runs; Self-improvement
Author's comments:
My goal is simple, really. To improve.
That's the underlying goal of all speed runs, isn't it? Many argue that they perform speed runs to entertain others, but isn't that simply a fortunate by-product that confirms our own self-improvement?
Before I first tried to reach the end of the Nintendo game Super Mario Bros. as quickly as possible, I didn't even fathom that a video game could be finished in six minutes. The thought didn't enter my brain. Ok, maybe with Donkey Kong. My first attempt at a Mario speed run was simply due to time constraints. I had to leave in ten minutes, & I wanted to get a quick game in before it was time to go. I didn't even plan on finishing. Ten minutes? Please. Maybe I'd be lucky and make it to the final castle in that time. I'd be happy with that. Maybe even perfectly happy.
I made it to the castle in about half that time. In the sheer excitement of the moment, I fell into a moat of lava. Then I regained my composure & finished in just over six minutes. Six minutes. And I had witnesses, & they were astounded. A fortunate by-product that confirmed my own self-improvement.
But I wasn't satisfied.
I fell in lava. I could do better. How fast could I finish without dying? How fast could I finish by learning how to avoid things rather than stopping to grab mushrooms or fire flowers?
Soon I discovered an entire subculture of people who did this for fun. Constantly striving for the fastest times. Constantly working to improve themselves. The fastest time achievable, without using in-game glitches to one's advantage, was five minutes and nine seconds. If I could get close to that, I'd be at least temporarily happy.
And so began my quest for enlightenment. Day after day, with & without cheerleaders on the sidelines. It got to the point where I wasn't comfortable unless I had the NES Advantage in my hands & trying to come closer to that record. But I'd run into a block on the stairs, or run into a goomba, or be slowed down by fireworks at the end of a level. Or fall into a lava pool.
Eventually I began to grow tired of playing the same game over & over. I needed to move on, but not without proof of my accomplishments. I attempted to record my speed run. I stayed up a whole night, rewinding & recording hundreds of times as I ran into blocks & goombas & fireworks. And lava. I would not rest until I had fruit to show for my labor.
And then it happened. A five minute, eleven second run, from pressing start to touching the axe. I ended up abusing one glitch near the end out of mere exhaustion, but that was good enough for now. I didn't want to play that game anymore for a long time.
And I impressed people. They loved it. They called me terrible things, like a god, and their hero. People with full time jobs & fiancées, and they thought they envied me.
And yeah, eventually I got a full time job and played other games.
But I was not satisfied.
I needed further self-improvement. I wrote more. I began drawing again. I vowed to pick up a book on learning to play music by Christmas. But promises wouldn't be enough. I needed instant gratification. The creature inside me that longed for me to be the best I can be growled with hunger. But what was I good at that I could finish quickly? Mario. But I wasn't ready to play that again. Mario 2 or 3, perhaps? No. Something simpler. Something I could spend more time soaking in with my brain than with my thumbs, where I could sit back & immerse myself in its experience. Like a movie.
And there it was.
I did my best to avoid it as a child. Its bastardized look appalled me. Luigi didn't even have a mustache. And King Koopa was just some old dude? Please. I may have been a shorter-than-average twelve-year-old who was too afraid to make the first move to have even bothered to kiss a girl yet, but I wasn't stupid. No amount of action figures or promotions would change my mind.
It should be easy to tackle a film that has little to do with its subject matter in a short amount of time, right?
It was settled, then. I was going to attempt to watch Super Mario Bros.: the Movie, as fast as I possibly could.
Could I do it in five minutes? Was it even possible? I
didn't know, but I sure as hell was going to try.