Imagine making a better future for children, and a brighter one for you, too! Our home study course in child day care will show you how to care for children in a home based child care facility, play group, or full service preschool. Now imagine having sex with two foxy ladies at one time. We can't help you with that, but man oh man wouldn't that be a hoot and a holler?

At Progressive Boink you'll learn about educational games, child growth and behavior, lame television shows, age appropriate activities, old video games, nurturing, breasts, and much more. You'll learn comprehensive, hands on techniques in a course that's detailed and in depth. Sometimes we end our sentences in !!!11 to make fun of AOL speak and to run a once funny interweb joke into the information super ground.

And remember: there are no educational prerequisites or experience requirements to enroll. Enjoyable home study training from Progressive Boink makes learning child day care easy and fun! Soon, you could be ready to enjoy an active, meaningful new future.

On an Olympic Hero's Sorrow
It's true, sadly.  It's damn true.
Study Question: Are Jindrak and Reigns REALLY the ONLY guys backstage who'd want to hang out with Kurt Angle?

The River Merchant's Wife:  A Letter
You now prossess a poem by Ezra Pound.
Study Question: Why was an openly racist anti-semite regarded as such a great poet?

William Blake Mysteries
The first in a series of hilarious poetry investigations.
Study Question: Who killed Kurt Cobain?

Avril Lavigne in Hell
A poetic look at the life after death of America's favorite sock-armed, fist-pumping, brain damaged eleven year old Canadian pop singer in three verses.
Study Question: What is "The Matrix?"

Stopping by Janet Jackson's Exposed Right Breast on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost.
I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two breasts diverged in a Super Bowl half-time spectacular, and I -- I took the breast less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
Study Question: Now there's no chance for you and me, there'll never be...and don't it make you sad about it?

The Lord's Prayer
As translated into wingdings.
Study Question: What's up with all the 69 signs in the Lord's Prayer? I guess now we know what he's praying for, giggity giggity giggity!!

My Personal Tribute to Harriet Beecher Stowe
Keep your eye on my hands as I tell a slavery hair metal joke. NO DON'T LOOK AT THE WHIP I SAID LOOK AT MY HANDS. MY HANDS. Oh forget it, you aren't going to get this anyway.
Study Question: What are you somking??//??

Science

Might as Well Take a Mathematic Approach
Shredder explains to the Foot Clan about the simplification of radical expressions.
Study Question: If I do enough posts about math will Winnie from the Wonder Years find my website?

The Fourth Dimension:  An Essay by Lindsay Lohan
There are many misconceptions about what we call the "fourth dimension," and frankly I'm tired of rumors starting.
Study Question: Why can't they back up off me?  Why can't they let me live?

Time: An Essay by Hilary Duff
Dear Lizzie- I think I may like my best friend as... more then a friend. What do I do? Signed, Father Time.
Study Question: If you laugh it off and let it go, when you wake up, how will it seem?

Philosophy

Jeremy and His Stupid Bird
The only college paper I ever got an "A" on about regret, as salvaged from the Whatever-Dude.com Gay Stuff archive page.
Study Question: Why was I such a little idiot?  Jesus.

The Sad Underlying Truths of Feminism
Author Kate Chopin tries to explain via allegory and symbolism the struggle of a woman to be accepted in society.
Study Question: Will you buy me something from my wishlist? Well, it's not actually a wish list, but if you want to buy me something just let me know and I'll tell you how! HERE IS MY PENIS LOOK

Does God Exist?
Presented here are Descartes' three meditations on the existence of some supreme being, presented popular culture reference free and full of so many jokes that you can't see them, and it looks like there aren't any jokes.
Study Question: wtf is up with Mena Suvari's nipples? omg

Do Heavy D and the Boyz Exist?
Who's on the microphone? A BUNCHA N-WORDS! A BUNCHA N-WORDS! A BUNCHA N-WORDS! I got my crew so other N-Words better leave us alone.
Study Question: What's a nubian?