I

Avril Lavigne went to heaven;
  L.A. Reid said, "Word,
You been a right good girl."
  An' he winked at her.
     "You been travelin' rascal
       In yo'day.
     You kin roam once mo';
       Den you come to stay.
"Put dese wings on yo' shoulders,
  An' save yo' feet."
Avril grin, and she speak up,
  "Thankye, L.A. Reid."
     Den L.A. say, "Go
       To Hell an' see,
     All dat is doing, and 
       Report to me.
"Be sure to remember
  How everything go."
Avril say, "I be seein' yuh
  On de late watch, bo."
     Avril got to cavortin'
       Swell as you choose,
     Like Lindy in de Spirit
       Of St. Louis Blues.
She flew an' she flew,
  Till at last she hit
A hangar wid de sign readin'
  DIS IS IT.
     Den she parked her wings,
       An' strolled aroun',
     Gittin' used to her feet
       On de solid ground.

II

Big bloodhound came aroarin'
  Like Niagry Falls,
Sicked on by white devils 
  In overhalls.
Now Avril warn't scared
  Cross my heart, it's a fac',
An de dog went on a bayin'
  Some po' devil's track.
     Den Avril saw a mansion
	  An' walked right in;
     De Devil looked up
	  Wid a sickly grin.
"Suttingly didn't look 
  Fo' you, Mrs. Lavigne,
How it happens you comes
  To visit my scene?"
     Avril say---"Oh, jes' thought 
       I'd drop by a spell."
     "Feel at home, seh, an' here's
	  De keys to hell."
Den he took Avril around
  An' showed her people
Rasin' hell as high as
  De first Church Steeple.
     Lots of folks fightin'
       At de roulette wheel,
     Like old Rampart Street,
       Or leastwise Beale.
Showed her bawdy houses
  An' cabarets,
Avril thought of Canada
  An' hockey night saturdays.
     Each devil was busy
       Wid a devlish broad,
     An' Avril cried, "Lawdy,
       Lawd, Lawd, Lawd."
Took her in a room
  Where Avril see
De preacher wid a brownskin
  On each knee.
     Showed her giant stills,
       Going everywhere,
     Wid a passel of devils
       Stretched dead drunk there.
Den he took her to de furnace
  Dat some devils was firing,
Hot as Hell, an' Avril start
  A mean presspirin'.
     White devils with pitchforks
       Threw black devils on,
     Avril thought she'd better
       Be gittin' along.
An' she says---"Dis makes
  Me think of home---
Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver,
  Ottowa and Port Hope."
     Den de devil gave Avril
       De big Ha-Ha;
     An' turned into The Matrix,
       an' produce fifty pop star.
Avril ran fo' her wings,
  Lit out from de groun'
Hauled it back to L.A. Reid,
  Safety boun'.

III

     L.A. said, "Well,
       You got back quick.
     How's de devil?  An' what's
       His latest trick?"
An' Avril Say, "L.A.,
  I really cain't tell,
The place was MTV
  That I took for hell."
     Then L.A. say, "you must
       Be crazy, I vow,
     Where'n hell dja think Hell was,
       Anyhow?
"Git on back to de yearth,
  Cause I got de fear,
You'se a leetle too dumb,
  Fo' to stay up here. . ."

Fun Fact: No Avril Lavignes were harmed in the production of this poem. Unfortunately.