Events

Here are some of the special events we've got planned for the coming months. We hope to see you there!

St. Patrick's Day Parade

Thanks to all our supporters who turned out to help, last year's St. Patty's Day Parade was the biggest ever! And next year we're looking to break that record! So come down to Main Street on March 17th. There'll be plenty of green beer, leprechauns, four-leaf clovers, and other trinkets and cliches made to encapsulate an entire group of people into a few stereotypes as an excuse to get drunk. Saints preserve us!

Mayor Haggar, in full festive garb, stops off to buy one of Metro City's world-famous feet during the parade

Haggar/Zangief Match of the Millenium

It's all-out war as two titans of the wrestling circuit return to the ring for one night only. Mayor Haggar hopes all of Metro City will attend to cheer him on as he sends the Ruskies back where they belong -- in a line for toilet paper outside in the middle of the winter!

Dr. Sodom, Phd's Live Sunday Surgery Super Show!

Thousands thrill each night to the astounding feats of medical prowess performed by our own Dr. Sodom. Clad in the traditional garments of a circus doctor, he'll conduct delicate, life-saving operations in the specially designed viewing gallery, using only his scalpel -- or as he likes to call it, The Eliminator. And you'll see it all! Caution: Those seated in the first three rows are encouraged to bring tarps.

Supercar Challenge

Inspired by the many automotive rebuilding shows making waves on TV right now, such as Manage a Stable of Prostitutes With My Ride and Ride With DJ Jazzy Jeff, we'll be holding a week-long event in which two teams have only six days to turn a boring, regular car into a road-devouring beast. Citizens wanting to volunteer their vehicle for the contest should call the Event Organizer at 832-2357.

Note: Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding of the rules last year, Mayor Haggar will not be participating in this year's event.

Zennermann's Glass Manufacturing For 20 years, the number one supplier of large, abnormally thick panes of glass for office windows, glass-bottom boats, and slides for giant microscopes	Hot Topic Faux-trendy crap for the modern consumer. Be the first on your block to be the 972,178th on your block to wear whichever logo is popular this week
The Nintendo Gender Transference Clinic Because girls can't fight	The Metro City Braves Thanks to all our fans for another great season. In the off-season, we plan on breaking into your homes and murdering your children