Jt
AIM:
Jordotk
jordan@oddpost.com
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15. Avril Lavigne
Last year's list: Would have
been added last year, but Justin couldn't handle the "complicated" HTML. Do you
see what I did there?
Best physical attribute: Despite a "paper-bag-over-face"
tendency, she has a pretty nice rack.
Greatest accomplishment: Following in the footsteps of such
legendary punk bands as "The Ramones", "Blink-182", and "Ashlee
Simpson."
The downside: I'm really not a big fan of punk music. Also, if I
get into her pants, she's gonna kick my ass.
14. Evan Rachel Wood
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
I should mention that I'll probably be saying this a lot.
Best physical attribute: She has a certain "glow" to her
that I like. You could say she gives me huge "evan." wait i messed up
Greatest accomplishment: Doing a pretty good job in the movie Thirteen.
Before you look at me like that, she's only like a year or two younger than me. Settle
down, you conservatives you.
The downside: She was in a movie with that little shit from 7th
Heaven.
13. Heather Graham
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
Best physical attribute: Without a doubt, her puppy dog eyes make
her attractive. And of course by eyes I mean her boobs.
Greatest accomplishment: Dancing with Jon Favreau in Swingers.
What, you thought I'd make a Marky Mark joke?
The downside: Because of her name, she can't go anywhere near
Harlem. Why, you ask? because she is a cracker lol
12. Diane Lane
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
Like, umm...Clay Aiken's heterosexuality? Oh come on, you would have laughed if I made
that joke two years ago.
Best physical attribute: I gotta say her entire body. She's about
as old as my mom, yet she looks amazing. Now I feel weird.
Greatest accomplishment: Having sex with the guy from S.W.A.T.
who says "ONE MEELON DOLLAR."
The downside: Since she's engaged to Josh Brolin, son of James
Brolin, she has an indirect penis link to the queen of all Jews, Barbara Streisand.
11. Famke Janssen
Last year's list: Was
somewhere on Mark's list, who, ironically, is nonexistent now.
Best physical attribute: Those cheekbones. I've never found
cheekbones sexy, but hers give me the urge to introduce her to my little Cyclops. Meaning,
my penis.
Greatest accomplishment: **SPOILER ALERT** Getting killed in X2:
X-Men United ***END OF SPOILERS*** And recently, making every 17 year-old male realize
they have a good chance of having sex with their mother's life coach in Nip/Tuck.
The downside: Co-starred in a crappy horror movie with Chris Kattan
and Peter Gallagher's monstrous eyebrows.
10. Michelle Branch
Last year's list: Number 18
on B's list.
Best physical attribute: I'll be honest, it's her voice. It's the
way she says "OOO-AH" after every lyric. I think B already made that joke. Damn.
That's what you get when you take B's sloppy seconds. (Watch your back, Emily.)
Greatest accomplishment: Besides Avril Lavigne, she's the go-to girl when
you need a popular song to play during a romantic comedy trailer.
The downside: She recently married a 40-year old douchebag who
married Michelle Branch. Fuck.
9. Emma Watson IN THE YEAR 2008
Last year's list: Well
obviously, she couldn't be on last year's list when she's in the year 2008. Duh.
Best physical attribute: God, I really don't feel right about
answering this one.
Greatest accomplishment: Giving 40 year-old pedophiles a reason to
watch Harry Potter movies.
The downside: When I see a picture of her in a magazine, I always
end up chanting the Bush Campaign slogan, "Four more years! Four more years!"
8. Rachel Bilson
Last year's list: Unknown at
that point. But then again, so were half the people on B's list.
Best physical attribute: Her lips. I also sometimes fantasize about
her saying "Ew" in that valley girl voice while I'm taking off my pants, before
realizing that I'm fantasizing about a girl saying "Ew" while I take off my
pants.
Greatest accomplishment: Well, The OC is really her ONLY
accomplishment. But really, it's still a good one. And before you harp on me about
watching The OC, I still watch 24. Okay, so I watch 24 to see if Jack
will ever get back with Nina. But still, I at least watch it.
The downside: While it's pretty much looking like Mischa Barton is
the Shannen Doherty of The OC, Rachel is left with being the Tori Spelling of The
OC. Well, no, that would be Adam Brody, because he looks more like a horse.
7. Kate Hudson
Last year's list: Nonexistent,
because of the unwritten anti-semetic connotations here at P-Boi. Wait, what?
Best physical attribute: Her buttocks. I'd like to wiggle my
man-tool in front of it and say "I am home."
Greatest accomplishment: Showed not only a great emotional range of
acting in Almost Famous, but also, her boobies.
The downside: Almost Famous, is like, the only movie I've
seen her in, and really the only good movie before she starred in Le How To Raise An
Alex In Dr. T.
6. Claire Forlani
Last year's list: B's 20.
Best physical attribute: Her lips.
Greatest accomplishment: Having a kick ass sex scene in "Gypsy
Eyes."
The downside: I have never heard of the movie "Gypsy
Eyes."
5. Stacy Keibler
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
I seem to be typing that word a lot lately. :(
Best physical attribute: Durrrr shez got leg
Greatest accomplishment: Getting hit in the face with a chair by
Chris Jericho. I am soooo jealous.
The downside: Besides getting porked by Test, her last name has now made eating Wheatables a sensual experience for me.
4. Kristen Davis
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
Kind of like the chance of my penis being near anyone on this list.
Best physical attribute: Her smile. She's the real beauty of Sex and
the City, not the skeletorish Sarah Jessica Parker or that one bitch who refused to be
in the Sex and the City movie, which was totally a slap in the face to me. I mean,
the fans of Sex and the City.
Greatest accomplishment: Brushing her teeth right after Jerry
accidentally dropped it into the toilet. Dudes, I would like, SO make out with her after
that.
The downside: She won't return my calls, although it might have
something to do with the fact that Justin never roleplays on the phone.
3. Kendal from Road Rules
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
I'm really running out of follow-up punchlines to this.
Best physical attribute: Her face. She's so cute!
Greatest accomplishment: Winning...Road Rules? I guess?
The downside: The fact that everyone knows her as "Kendal from
Road Rules" and not "Kendal from Duck Fetish Magazine". DON'T JUDGE
ME
2. Cerina Vincent
Last year's list: Nonexistent.
If only I could say the same for Kenzo Suzuki.
Best physical attribute: Her entire body is ssssssssssmokin'. Just
like Jim Carrey said in The Mask. Sssssssmokin'. Sssssmokin'. Sssssmok
Greatest accomplishment: Getting naked with Rider Strong in Cabin
Fever. I'm sure a
certain P-Boi staff member wishes she could say the same. And no, I won't tell you who
I'm talking about.
The downside: She's gotten naked in Cabin Fever and Not
Another Teen Movie. That's only two movies.
1. Katie Holmes
Last year's list: Nonexistent,
much like the entire cast of Dawson's Creek right now.
Best physical attribute: It's a toss-up between her eyes and her
smile. Her overall cute factor makes me want to paddle up that "creek", if you
know what I mean. (i would have sex with her)
Greatest accomplishment: Managing to keep her girl hole free from
James Van Der Beak's gigantic head. I'm of course talking about that large globe-shaped
thing attached to his neck. It's freaking huge.
The downside: She gave up Dawson for Jack, who turned out to be
gay, and then she went back to Dawson for a little bit until she ended up sleeping with
Pacey, who in turn is Dawson's best friend, which totally pissed off Dawson because he was
totally in love with Joey, but then I stopped watching that show and moved onto The OC,
where Ryan currently broke up with Marissa because he slept with Teresa, and
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