ULTIMO DRAGON
AIM:
Asai M Me
ultimo@rankingdragons.com
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5. Megumi Kudo
Debut: 8/8/86 Higashimurayama
vs. Kaoru Maeda
Best physical attribute: Kudome Driver
Greatest accomplishment: Winning the WWA Women's World Title by
shoving a fat woman's face repeatedly into a ring rope made out of barbed wire.
The downside: In Japan we switch the first and last names around,
so you run the risk of unnecessarily congratulating Megumi every time you call out to her.
4. Takako Inoue
Debut: 10/10/88 Tokyo
Korakuen Hall vs. Kyoko Inoue
Best physical attribute: Takako Panic/destiny hammer/diving enzui
knee
Greatest accomplishment: Holding the All Pacific Title; making a
photo book called "Body Oil" that ruined a perfectly good pair of my holographic
spandex pants.
The downside: Doesn't react well to being kicked in the ass, kicked
in the chest, kicked in the ass, kicked in the chest, and then spin kicked in the face.
3. The four-seam grip
Debut: Spun from the mighty
fists of Christy Mathewson!
Best physical attribute: Flying along peacefully before crashing
into the face of John Olerud.
Greatest accomplishment: Helping Don Larsen pitch a perfect game
against the Dodgers in the 1956 World Series.
The downside: Some people might not
recognize the pitch as a reference to Kyle Farnsworth's contribution to last year's
Progressive Boink 100 Most Beautiful Women list; Subsequently may not recognize this
as a thinly-veiled attempt to get some Puroresu fans to find this site through Google and
appreciate the Joshi jokes. An increase in hits will the THE FIRST STARDOM.
2. Tiger Dream
Debut: 8/31/98 Osaka Namihaya
Dome vs. Hiromi Yagi
Best physical attribute: Tiger Suplex. Wait, I mean TIGER
DISH DO.
Greatest accomplishment: Joining Satoru Sayama, Mitsuharu Misawa,
and Koji Kanemoto in the legendary "Tiger Mask" wrestling family. There is
also a Tiger Mask IV currently wrestling, but until he can make fire come out of Godzilla
noise machines by clapping his hands together I'm not taking him seriously.
The downside: I was thinking so hard about Tiger Dream before my
big match at Wrestlemania 20 that I slipped on the way to the ring and then again on the
turnbuckle. Billy Kidman was pissed at me. Then later I took a dump in his
duffle bag. AN ASAI DUMP.
1. Ayako Hamada
Debut: 8/9/98 vs. Candy
Okutsu
Best physical attribute: La Ayakita.
Greatest accomplishment: Winning the "SKY HIGH OF ARSION"
title, which is really amazing and a great accomplishment outside of the fact that the
title's name makes it sound like something I'd pick the big stuffed Tweety Bird over when
the guy at the fair tells me I weigh 215.
The downside: I'm probably the only person who would drag my
girlfriend around the mall pointing at her and yelling "HER DAD IS GRAN HAMADA, PICK
A FIGHT WITH ME." I'd get some strange looks, but if I even once get to see
Gran bust out the Hama-Chan Cutter on some kid in Hot Topic my life is complete.
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