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Progressive Boink's Week in Review.

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Week one on Progressive Boink, as you all know, was bling bling. But week two? Bling bang. Here's what happened:

Hipster Band Names, As Interpreted By Your Parents. Bill brought us the smooth sounds of Animal Collection and Prince Bonnie Bonnie as he speculated on what our collective mom and dad might think are the names of our favorite bands. The Progressive Boink community really brought it with their own additions to the list. The Tools! LDS Soundgarden!

An Oral History Of The Romney Presidency, Part One. Kyle reached through the space-time continuum and came back with an article from a tattered copy of the March 2017 issue of Esquire. America (will have) looked on as "M.C. Mitt" Romney rapped his way through his inaugural address and watched in horror as (figurative) storm clouds gathered (figuratively) between the U.S. and Iran

An Oral History Of The Romney Presidency, Part Two. The oral history reached its thrilling conclusion, as misplaced M-80s and a trip to Spencer Gifts precipitated unimaginable catastrophe.

Why Microsoft Office Costs $200: A Budget Breakdown. Jon crunched some numbers and discovered to everyone's surprise that Microsoft's $200 price point for its Office suite is in fact one of the great acts of philanthropy of our time. Read it today or be a gross idiot forever.

Earth's Terrible Secret. Horrific apocalypse week continued, as Earth's greatest shame led inexorably to the genocide of the only known extraterrestrial intelligence in the universe. But it's funny, you gross idiot! Read it! Did you read it yet? Read it.

Wikipedia Brown, And The Case Of The Smashed Snow Globe. Bill brought us the tale of Wikipedia Brown, the only boy in Idaville who has memorized every page on Wikipedia [citation needed].

The Wire of Intrigue: Season One. Kyle brought us a Story of Intrigue in honor of the 10th anniversary of the debut of acclaimed TV series "The Wire." Read, if you dare, the harrowing tale of troubled detectives McNutty and Bunt using a Yak Bak to bring down the vast empire of feared drug lord Ringer Bell.

Poorror Stories: True Adventures From Financially Destitute Times. Jon kicked off a new Progressive Boink series with the story of how he, as were we all, was a super-rich genius at age 22. Just kidding! He was poor as shit! Couldn't even afford numbers. Read on if you like equal measures of schadenfreude and pathos.

Baseball Players Are Comic Book Characters: New York Yankees. In a Shyamalaniac twist, Bill revealed that our athletes are just like Comicbooksylvania's superheroes. A-Rod is Namor the Submariner (and, separately, possibly a centaur). CC Sabathia, 900-pound weirdo, is an 11-year-old girl.

COUCH THING AGAIN. The sentient fart that is Jon's precious couch feature returned. Just put it out of its misery and read the fuckin' thing already.

The Arbitrary Friday List: Ranking Michelle Tanner's Friends. B makes his new-blog debut! Full House's Michelle Tanner had many friends. Most of them were shitty and stupid. Here, B ranks them all.