The
100 Worst Song Lyrics Ever.
written by
Jon, Mark, ULTIMO DRAGON, Emily, B, and Nick - november
18th -2003
JON.
20. “Let’s
change the way we eat.
Let’s change the way we live.
Let’s change the way we treat each other.”
-Tupac, Changes
Eating well. No more microwave dinners and saturated fats.
A pig. In a cage. On antibiotics.
19. “F***ed up dreams
F***ed up life
A f***ed up kid
With a f***ed up knife
F***ed up moms
F***ed up dads
F***ed up cop
With a f***ed up badge”
-Limp Bizkit, Hot Dog (edited
version)
Bad: owning Chocolate
Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water.
Worse: buying Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water.
Worst: going to Wal-Mart and accidentally buying the edited version
of Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water.
18. “The
raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops
The raindrops”
Radiohead, Sit down. Stand up.
Thom Yorke’s THE RAINDROPS
key must be stuck on his keyboard.
17. “Story
of a man who decided not to breathe.
Turned red, blue, purple. Colorful, indeed.
No matter how his friend begged, he would not concede.
And now he’s dead, you see. That silly man should know you got to breathe.”
-Dave Matthews Band, Big Eyed Fish
I like this song, but I skip this first verse every time. You’re a master storyteller, Dave. Go snort some more weed.
16. ”I
don't want it, I don't want it
I don't want your sex for now
Yo, s-e-x is a test when I'm pressed
So back off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
But then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't give it up 'til you tie the knot”
-DC Talk, I Don’t Want ItIt
These guys can’t get laid
because they’re busy laying something else: fat rhymes!
15. "But
you can't touch them, no
'Cause they're all spies"
-Coldplay,
Spies
For a straight-edge band, you guys sure don't make a lot of sense sometimes.
14. "Soakin’ an pokin’ a half
Soakin’ a laugh crash test
Figure the mixture’s diggin’ up his last breath
Grief thief leaf briefly turned chieftain.
The tap water’s on, the water’s off, the water’s leakin’”
-Aesop Rock, “Prosperity”
This is a fairly accurate representation of a lot of backpack rap. Their strategy is to talk really quickly and rhyme words that make no goddamn sense at all. This works well when your audience is a bunch of college hipsters who are eager to excuse your lack of intellectual qualities because you’re black. What?!? No, that’s not racist! You’re racist! For bringing race into the issue!
13. “On TV
there's the creep guy, the alligator man
I watch him as he chases and he hunts
This peaceful family through the woods with only one thing on his mind
He wants to eat their little kid for lunch
I go so weirded out I couldn't sleep, then it happened
An evil spirit floated by my bed
I could hardly believe the nerve of this little punk demon
I thought ayy, all right, that's it, you're dead
(And then what happened) I got righteously indignant
(And then what happened) I's gonna make that demon pay
(And then what happened) The anointing came upon me, I chased it out when it
heard me say
(What did you say)
Don't want no monsters in my house tonight
Don't want no monsters in my house
You won't get me screamin', you're nothing but a demon
It's time for you to go now
I am a temple of the Holy Ghost
And I'm protected by the Lord of Hosts
Get out in the name of Jesus Christ
'Cause I don't want no monsters in my house tonight”
-Carman, No Monsters
This song reminds me too much of Little Monsters starring Fred Savage and Howie
Mandel.
13. "I refuse to sit in the
backseat and get handled
Like I do nuttin all day but sit around watch the Cartoon Channel
I rap about, the Presidential election and the scandal
That followed
Operation Anaconda-ask yourself
Was it full of bleeps and blunders, did they ever find Osama?
And why in the f*** did Daniel Pearl have to pay the price
For his life and his wife plead twice?
I'ma always bring food
for thought to the table in the kitchen
Now eat nigga!"
-Outkast, War
I agree with you, Big Boi. War is bad, and it’s sad when people die. Now that’s enough half-baked opinions, you can stop jerking yourself off over the fact that you made a political rap and go back to getting crunk in your Cadillac.
12. "She
said: "Daddy, when we get to Heaven, can I taste the Milky Way?
"Are we goin' there to visit, or are we goin' there to stay?
"Am I gonna see my Grandpa? Can I have a pair of wings?
"An' do you think that God could use another Angel,
"To help pour out the rain?"
Well, I won't lie: I pulled that car right over,
An' I sat there on the shoulder tryin' to dry my misty eyes.
An' I whispered: "Lord, I wanna thank you for my children.
"'Cause your innocence that fills them often takes me by surprise."
-Buddy Jewell, Help Pour Out the
Rain
Part of the reason country music sucks so much is because country musicians are mentally deficient pussies. Rain is a meteorological occurance. Stop giving all the credit to your dead kid, asshole.
11. “Come and get a scoop of my ice cream baby
JS got the flavors that I know will drive you crazy
Tonight it’s gonna be like we were dreaming baby, won’t you
TASTE. MY. ICE. CREAM."
JS, Ice Cream
Wait, so you want me to
lick ice cream off your vagina? That’s really gross.
10. SHE
LOOKS LIKE A
SHE LOOKS LIKE A
SHE LOOKS LIKE A
SHE LOOKS LIKE A
SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE STAR
LIKE A CHOCOLATE CANDY BAR
SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE STAR
LIKE A CHOCOLATE CANDY BAR
SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE STAR
LIKE A CHOCOLATE CANDY BAR
SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOVIE STAR
LIKE A CHOCOLATE CANDY BAR
-Keith Murray,
Candy
Bar
NO MORE ALLUSIONS TO SNACK FOODS PLZ
9. What’s the recipe?
Go ask your mom. She don’t know.
Go ask your dad. He…uh…
It’s all about me and the place to be.
-Wu-Tang Freestyle
Ol’ Dirty Bastard is a
lyrical genius. The best part is actually after this, where other members of
the Wu-Tang clan are trying to cut in and bail him out, but he keeps rapping
stuttering half-sentences, oblivious to them. \
8. Everybody stutters one way
or the other
So check out my message to you.
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.
If the Scatman can do it so can you.
Everybody's sayin' that the Scatman
stutters
But doesn't ever stutter when he sings.
But what you don't know I'm gonna tell you right now
That the stutter and the scat is the same thing.
Yo I'm the Scatman.
Scatman John, I’m the Scatman
Stop excusing stuttering. Just don’t say a
syllable more than once, you morons.
7. Take my money
Take my possessions
Take my obsession
I don’t need that shit
Papa Roach, Between Angels and Insects
So, you guys are doing charity work, then?
There's one point for me! MASTER OF LOGIC++
6. Legalistic
people suck
Legalism makes me sick
I wonder what makes them tick
I wanna go and puke on it
Ephesians verse 2:8 states
God has saved us not by works, but by grace
MxPx, I’m the Bad Guy
To be fair, seeing the word “suck” in a
Christian bookstore made my day.
5. Friends. CHECK
Money. CHECK
Well-slept. CHECK
Opposite sex. CHECK
Guitar. CHECK
Microphone. CHECK
Messages waiting for me
When I get home. CHECK
How come everything I think I need
Always comes with batteries?
What do you think it means?
John Mayer, Something’s Missing
Me skipping this song and the mental imagery of John Mayer getting his jollies with a vibrater: PRICELESS
fuck i messed it up
4. What else can I say?
EVERYONE IS GAY
-Nirvana, All Apologies
kill urself plz
THE LIMP BIZKIT TRIPLE-THREAT GRAND FINALE
3. "I'll take the counterfeit
And pop his ass like a zit
WITH THE STAH-FISH NAVIGATION SYSTEM
2. This is dedicated to Ben
Stiller!
You are my favorite motherfucker!
1. We downloaded the
shockwave
For all the ladies in the cave
to GETCHA GROOVE ON
*bows*
MARK.
So Jon comes and tells me that this week’s update will include another top something list. This time it’s the 100 worst lyrics.
Normally, a top something list would be all fun & games because you can usually just come up with at least half of your material t
he moment you hear about it. Like the last one. The 100 hottest chicks. I already knew a plethora of sexy ass females I’d light a
bum on fire to just make out with. Shit, I’d even front an extra one to feel ‘em up. However, this one isn’t so easy. I have to chip
in 20 bad lyrics so you can read ‘em and go, “Oh, haha, yeah, those suck!” Not that I mind doing that for you ungrateful fucks, but,
herein lies my dilemma: I don’t listen to shitty music. Sure, I’ve heard a lot of crap, but, fuck me, I don’t remember enough of it to be
able to just go, “Hey! Here’s 20 shitty lyrics guys!” Complaining aside (not that I’m really complaining), the point is that you
shouldn’t expect this list to wow and amaze you like the rest of the staff’s. Shit, my page’ll prolly be shifted to the back like l
ast time anyway, so, by the time you even get to mine… wait, what am I saying, you won’t. I could just as well put a list of 20 things
I do when I’m alone in my room on rainy Thursday nights and you’d never know. Who am I kidding. This is a Progressive Boink
piece we’re talking about here, and I’ve got integrity to preserve.
I did my best to drag the depths of the musical ocean to find what was lurking in the muddy floor, and the most I came up with was
a moped license plate from Texas, two leather boots, and my dignity. Shit, I forgot. I lost that last one when I was reeling it in and
the line broke. I suck, but, I did manage to scrape up some shitty lyrics. I hope these count. Can you spare some change?
P.S.: Sorry I broke the format, everyone else, what with switching the places where the song name and artist(s) are supposed to be. I’m just too lazy to fix it.
You goin ‘gainst me dog, you makin’ a mistake, I'll split ya
Leave ya lookin’ like the Michael Jackson jacket wit’ all them zippers
50 Cent f/ Eminem, “Patiently Waiting”
This line right here. This is the one. This is the line that brought me to full realization of how much 50 Cent sucks. The worst part
about his lyrics in this song is that they’re right after an amazing lyrical flow of Eminem’s. I think B has a bunch of Eminem stuff or
something on his list. Although, this information did come from Jon, and we all know that Jon is a Kansas City Chiefs fan, and they j
ust got beat by the Cincinnati Bengals, so he’s s00pid. Where was I? Fuck. Okay, wait… 50 Cent… Sucking… Oh, yeah. It
doesn’t really matter what song it is. If it has 50 Cent, we can guarantee that it will have crappy lyrics. Let’s move on. Can you
spare fifty cents?
Tell my class to kiss my ass, I make eleven everyday
T.I., “24’s”
What’s he make eleven of? This is like when Lil Jon says, “I done came to the club ‘bout fitty ‘leve times,” in “Get Low.” And I
highly doubt this T.I. guy goes to any class of any sort. He pronounces it “refyoooooo,” when using the word “refuse.” Can you
spare twenty four cents?
I got twenty inch spinners on my drop [*skurrr!*]
Nothin' but white and yellow rocks in my watch [*skurrr!*]
I'm doin' one-fifty so I'm watchin' for the cops [*skurrr!*]
Since I'm in the Lamborghini I ain't gon' *skurrr!*
Three Six Mafia, “Ridin’ Spinners”
The worst part about this stupid ass song is the way each rapper comes in. They do this little thing where they do a line that
ends with a verbally created sound effect of braking to a halt. What’s even worse then that is when this guy comes in and actually
uses it as a word. Can you spare one dollar and fifty cents?
Well get 'em up (Get 'em up)
Put 'em up (Put 'em up)
Stop actin' like a bitch and get yo hands up
Well get 'em up (Get 'em up)
Put 'em up (Put 'em up)
Stop actin' like a bitch and get yo hands up
Well where you from nigga? (Where you from?)
Where you from nigga? (Where you from?)
God dammit motherfucker where you from? (Where you from?)
Well where you from nigga? (Where you from?)
Where you from nigga? (Where you from?)
God dammit motherfucker where you from? (Where you from?)
Well represent yo shit, represent yo shit
Say fuck that click, say fuck that click
Represent yo shit, represent yo shit
Say fuck that click, say fuck that click
Well you scared (You scared)
You scared (You scared)
Stop actin' like a bitch you scared (You scared)
You scared (You scared)
You scared (You scared)
Stop actin' like a bitch you scared (You scared)
Lil’ Jon & The Eastside Boys f/ Chyna White, Ludacris & Too $hort – “Bia Bia”
Who the fuck is he talking to?! And why’s he so angry? I don’t get this at all. Seriously, guy, can you spare anything at all?
Don’t wait, lay the grease baby
Don’t flake, shake the knees baby
Yo fellas mad at me baby
Oh well enemies baby
Limp Bizkit f/ Snoop Doggy Dogg, “Red Light, Green Light”
And now, a message from Fred Durst:
“Ay, yooooo. What up, kid? Like, there’s a lot of hatorade enemies is drinkin’, fellas is mad at me, hatin’ and shit. Like, I juss
wanna get the werd out on the strizzeeet that I’m too down for you to clown, knowwhatimsayin’ muthafukkaz?! I hooked up with
Snoop, blicky-blacky, and fo’ th’ rekkud, Wes is a bitch, yo! Ay, can I get on the muthafukkin’ P-Boi staff?”
While I’m not in any real position to make decisions for the entire site, on behalf of the staff, I slapped Mr. Durst across the face
and asked him to get in his car. He told me he couldn’t find it, then asked me for some change so he could go to McDonald’s.
Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirts, stupid bloody Tuesday, man you've been a naughty boy
You've let your face grow long!
I an the Eggman
They are the Eggmen
I am the Walrus--koo koo kachoo.
The Beatles, “I Am The Walrus”
I don’t know what the deal is, or ever was. Okay, we got a gang of British lads who come out with this pop group music
nonsense, then somewhere along the line they all started waking up in strange bathrooms after dropping acid all night. I guess
they wrote their songs those nights because for the fuck of me I can’t understand who or what and eggman is. The only Eggman
I know is hellbent on killing hedgehogs for some emeralds, and he’s Japanese. Maybe Yoko introduced them. I dunno. I’ll leave
this one to you. Mr. Lennon, you’ve been a naughty boy.
Purple Haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Acting funny but I don't know why
Excuse me while I kiss the sky
Jimi Hendrix, “Purple Haze”
Jimi was prolly hangin’ out with those Beatle guys, because his lyrics make about as much sense as Easter Island. I have
nothing else to say. Excuse Jimi while he kisses this guy.
Blah blah blah
We’re not Christian Rock
Blah blah blah
I’m a total flop ass llama
Blah blah blah
Scotty likes Chicken
Blah blah blah
WRIII AAHHHHHMS WRYYYYY OOHEN!!
Creed, Any Creed Song
I don’t need to say anything.
Pour me something tall and strong
Make it a Hurricane before I go insane
It's only half past twelve but I don't care
It's five o’clock somewhere
Alan Jackson f/ Jimmy Buffet, “It’s Five O’clock Somewhere”
Okay, so, country singers complained so much about being stereotyped as all being backwoods, racist hicks. I think. Maybe t
hey did or didn’t, but, either way, that’s what everyone else thinks about ‘em. I think they realized that this wasn’t cool, and wasn’t
helping records sell, so CMT, along with the entire country music industry consulted with the most talented scientists in the field of
cloning. After years of brain fucking work, they created the Dixie Chicks and Shania Twain, four mildly hot females who sang
pop-country. This allowed the hooligans to broaden their market by appealing to the eight year old daughters of moms that
liked country music. The only problem is Alan Jackson. Not only did he make a painful September 11th song, but he released
the tune “It’s Five O’clock Somewhere,” which celebrates alcoholism. His story (all country songs are stories) essentially tells
its listeners that he’s feeling pretty shitty, and even though it’s early in the day, it’s happy hour somewhere, so that makes it okay
to drink. I don’t really care, but, c’mon guys, this Jackson fella isn’t helpin’ your image out a bit. Fuck. This was longer than my
other comments. I’m feeling kinda exhausted. Damn. It’s 2:10AM. Aw, what the hell. It’s five o’clock somewhere.
Highway to the danger zone
Gonna take you
Right into the danger zone
Highway to the danger zone
Kenny Loggins, “Danger Zone”
It’s not the words. It’s the way he says them.
“HIIIIIIGH-WAAAAAY TOOO THA, DAYN-JUH ZOAN!!”
I know she grown lil bit, 20 years old, you legal
…
She be shoppin at front nack, just look at her front back
…
In real life, girl remind me of Pochantas
…
Gimmie what you got for a pork chop (uh)
…
I like the way you do that right thurr (right thurr)
Swish your hips when you walk, let down your hair (down your hurr)
I like the what you do that right thurr (right thurr)
Wet your lips when you talk,that make me sturr (make me sturr)
Chingy, “Right Thurr”
He has issues with accidentally fucking minors. He can’t understand the concept that opposites cannot coexist in the most
fundamental form. Girls trigger flashbacks of Disney movies. He’s so ghetto that he’s robbing people so he can buy pork chops,
buying into (double entendre!! =D!!!1) stereotypes that all black people like pork chops. He also has he need to consult a linguist
and speech therapist. Oh shit. I just read that and realized how awful it is. It fried my brain like those commercials with the skillet
and the eggs, and I can’t pay attention to anything anymore. I gotta buy some now. Can you spare some chingy? I mean change?
Just put it in my hand. Yeah. Right thurr.
You know where you are?
You're in the jungle baby!
You're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!!!!
Guns ‘N’ Roses, “Welcome To The Jungle”
Axl Rose is welcoming me to the jungle. Axl Rose. If my memory serves me well, and I think it does, I seem to remember him in
this video to a song called “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” where he wore skin tight jeans and swayed his hips with the professional talent
of a Hawaiian hula dancer. Okay, so, back to this jungle. Where’s Grizzly Adams? No Grizzly? Oh, it’s just Axl. And I’m gonna
die. I’m just gonna keep right along through this jungle to the next track.
Man I feel like mold
It's prom night and I am lonely
Low and behold, she's walking over to me
This must be fake
My lip starts to shake
How does she know who I am
And why does she give a damn about me
(she said)
I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby
Come with me Friday, don't say maybe,
I'm justa teenage dirtbag baby like you
Ooohoo Hoo Hooooooo
Wheatus, “Teenage Dirtbag”
I hope that chick’s boyfriend who brings a gun to school lets loose a barrage of hollow point slugs on this dirtbag’s s”weatus”
ass. I hear that the recording studio manager cut the tape reel when they started up with the next verse telling us about how it
was all just a teenage wet dream, baby. What’s even worse than Wheatus is watching kids pit to Wheatus. Ask Jon. It really
happened. Well, fuck it, I’ll do it for you:
Always see it on TV
Or read it in the magazines
Celebrities, they want sympathy
All they do is piss and moan
Inside the Rolling Stone
Talking about how hard life can be
I’d like to see them spend a week
Living life out on the street
I don’t think they would survive
If they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else’s shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall
They would fall
(fall)
Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They’re always complainin’, always complainin’
If money is such a problem, well they got mansions
Think we should rob them
Good Charlotte, “Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous”
Good Charlotte. A band that I’ve heard enough of about to know that each band member has made at least $1 million. Good
Charlotte to me is in the same dugout with Sum 41 and the same ballpark as Blink 182. I wish that Car 54 would run them all
over. Car 54, Where Are You? Okay, while he’s on the way, I’ll explain to you how stupid this is in case you can’t tell already.
They’ve got lots of money, but they’re attacking people with lots of money. They advocate theft and robbery. Plus, they think
rich people wouldn’t survive on the street. Bullshit. The reason they’re rich is because they’re successful. If they were on the
streets, they’d come up like they did the first time, and put Good Charlotte to utter shame. Oh, Car 54, thanks for showing up.
Hey, just wanted to ask ya, after you’re done driving over these fuck-tards, I was wondering if you’d give me a ride to the
Wachowski brothers’ house. I’ve got a paper bag full of cat turds I gotta leave on their porch.
Whoa, Chinese ninja warrior,
With your heart so cold.
Sub-Zero.
Whoa, your life is a mystery.
Why you wear the mask?
Sub-Zero.
Yeah. Yeah.
Freezing Vibrations! (Yeah.)
(Yeah. Yeah.) Freezing Vibrations!
(Yeah. Yeah.) Freezing Vibrations!
Here we go!
Here we go!
Immortals, “Sub Zero (Chinese Ninja Warrior)”
The song is not only a bunch of awful music that has a Clockwork Orange/Beethoven’s 9th Symphony effect, but it’s those lyrics
repeated, like, four times. I don’t remember which Mortal Kombat movie this was made for, but they only made the movie shittier
than the steamboat of moldy diarrhea it already was. Just read those aloud real quick before moving on, and then shoot whoever
heard you lest you scar your dignity.
Fire!!!
Fire!!!
Alright!
Sharp in the mix. Get the pressure!
You've had the time to rest, which is comin’ to an end, and we start again.
(Chorus)
Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody.
Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody.
Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody.
Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody.
One, two, three ...
Fire!!! (Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Sharp in the mix. Do all kinds of tricks!
Up to the pressure, feeling the kicks.
You love the sound, we need you to go.
Up and down, chillibow, chillibow.
(Chorus)
Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody. (x6)
Back to the family, back to the family,
Back to the, back to the, back to the, back to the,
Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back ...
Fire!!!
Scooter, “Fire”
What the fuck is a chillibow? Another shitty Mortal Kombat song. Actually, I think I can listen to this song without having to
take an entire bottle of aspirin to keep the pain off. Wait, chillbow? WTF?!
Open a soda pop, watch it fizz and pop
The clock is tickin' and we can't stop
Open a soda pop, bop-shi-bop-shi-bop
The clock is tickin' and we can't stop
Britney Spears, “Soda Pop”
Bop-shi-bop, I wish she would stop.
Bop-shi-bop, hear my gun go pop.
Bop-shi-bop, now hear my brains go plop.
Bop-shi-bop, wanted my fuckin’ life to stop.
She has robes and
She has monkeys
Lazy diamond-studded flunkies
She has wisdom and
Knows what to do
She has me and
She has you
The Doors, “Love Street”
No matter how many robes or monkeys or flunkies she has, no matter how much wisdom she has, no matter how much
she knows what do, and no matter the fact that she has me and you, the fact still remains, Mr. Morrison, that you died in your
bathtub without a single ounce of talent. I’m sorry I had to hear your music, Jim. I really am terribly sorry. Terribly.
Well, I'm a disaster
A microphone master
Put on a tape I'll rock your ghetto blaster
It's not about the money, cars, hotels, or resorts
It's about sweating all the bitches in the biker shorts
Now I'm Dave Brown Sound and you see me running late
‘Cause I'm always making time to make your girlie feel great
And I'm Bizzy D from way down town
I'm known to rock a mic like a king wears a crown
When I'm on top I'm gonna borrow that bootie
Hustling deals like Mickey Macoote
When I wake up I like a pound of bacon
Start off the day with my arteries shaking
(Chorus)
Rock! It's what we're all about
It's what we live for
C'mon shout it out
(x4)
Sum 41, “What We’re All About”
If you’re a middle-class, suburban white boy, don’t try to rap. (see: ICP) If you’re in a pop-punk band, don’t even listen to
rap. (see: Snow) (Yeah, yeah, I know he’s not in a pop-punk band, but, he listened to rap, and look what happened.) If you’re
Sum 41, please, find the nearest exit, and when a fire breaks out in the building, don’t go out of it, stay in your seats, and
remain perfectly calm. Someone who works for the coroner’s office will be here to carry you out shortly. Everything is wrong
with this. He’s a microphone master. He rocks ghetto blasters. It’s not about bling-bling, it’s about ho’s. He’s fucking your
girlfriend. He thinks he’s a Thug-N-Harmony. He also rocks microphones. He’s gonna fuck you and use you when his music
actually gets paid for. He’s a hustler. And he’s not Muslim. Okay. He essentially tells us that he’s a black rapper. Who
gets madd ass and has lyrical skillz. BITCH CAN’T STEP TO MY SKILLZ. Check it:
I’m bringin’ drama
Straight to ya set
Fightin’ out the bush like a
Vietnam Vet
Mac 10’s
AK’s
Ya homie had to step now ya
Homie gotta pay
I drop bombs like
I drop rhymes
Hittin’ up ya city
Comittin’ mass crimes
Stickin’ catz up
Takin’ all they green
Drop ‘em from the back then I
Flee the murda scene
I’ma spit lead
Straight at ya head
Ya betta watch ya ass or ya
Gon’ be dead
Reach to my waist
Grab my Tech-9
Pull back the trigger bust a
Hole through ya spine
I’ma wetcha up, so
Just call me rain
Droppin’ all ya homies so
Call me hurricane
I’m bringin’ lightenin’
Hail and thunder
Puttin’ ya whole crew
Six feet under
I think we all learned a valuable lesson: Sum 41 sucks. Wait, I mean, Sum 41 sucks. Shit, I messed up. Ah, fuck it, they all suck.
Let’s send ‘em to China. Which sucks.
I hate you China.
ULTIMO DRAGON.
Hello again my little Toryumon pals. It is I, ULTIMO DRAGON, contributing to this staff effort in the best way I know how: listing the 10 worst song lyrics to ever appear in a wrestling theme song. As you may know, wrestlers enter the arena to a signature song. This is not always a good thing. In fact, this is almost always a bad thing. It is QUIET rare to hear a wrestling theme song that isn't completely SAKE.
I am the best glittery spandex Dragon-themed e/n writer EVER. The lyrics explain themselves. And if they don't, they will FEAR MY DRAGON SLEEPER! Now I'm off to make more statues bleed.
1) Nice guys, it's said
they always finish last
but bad-asses, always kicking asshole's ass
"You're Gonna Pay" - Theme from Undertaker
2) I love to love 'em
I love to kick 'em
I love to shove 'em
I love to stick 'em
Love to flaunt 'em
I love to watch 'em
I love to pick 'em
And I'm gonna kick 'em
'Cause I'm an Ass Man
Yeah, I'm an Ass man
Yes I'm an Ass man (OH!)
I'm an Ass Man
"Ass Man" - Love Theme from Billy Gunn
3) Here comes the Ax
and here comes the Smasher!
"Demolition" - Theme from Awk and Hanimal
4) American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
American Males
"American Males" - by American Males
5) Watcha' gonna do
When your on your back
From my main body slam
Aww damn you're whack
"619" -
Theme from Rey Mysterio
6) I feel strong about
right and wrong
And I don't take trouble for very long
"Real American" - Theme from Nostalgic Old Fucker
7) Buff Daddy
I'm Buff Daddy
Buff Daddy
Buff is the stuff
Buff...... Daddy
I'm simply delicious
Buff Daddy
Buff Daddy
Buff...... Daddy
I'm so sexy
"Buff Daddy" - Theme from Buff Bagwell
8) Well get ready for
something
That you'll never know
You won't see it comin'
But I promise you'll know
"Well It's the Big Show" - From Well, The Big Show
9) I like nascar racing
Richard Petty's still the king
Yeah, they call me a red neck,
But you know that's a beautiful thing
"I Hate Rap" - By the West Texas Rednecks
10) The WWE putting fucking Godzilla sound effects in my entrance theme because I'm from Japan
"Under Six Feet
of Dirt" - Theme from Ultimo Dragon
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