The 100 Worst Song Lyrics Ever.

written by Jon, Mark, ULTIMO DRAGON, Emily, B, and Nick - november 18th -2003

EMILY.

1) If I could fall, into the sky.
Do you think time, would pass me by?
"A Thousand Miles" Vanessa Carlton

Thought I'd start with an obvious one. This line right here is why sixteen year olds shouldn't be writing songs. The obviously physical impossibilities aside, why would being in the sky make her infallable to the laws of time? And, on an unrelated note, why does Vanessa Carlton get to be famous when she looks so much like Mac Tonight?

2) Spread your ear pollution, both far and wide.
"The Stroke" Billy Squire

A song that includes the words, "stroooke me, STROKE ME!" may seem too easy to even bother pointing out the ridiculousness of. But. . really now. Ear pollution? Billy, baby, that's what q-tips are for. Furthermore, the spreading of said ear pollution. . .well, next's week's P-boi list is, "100 reasons why Billy Squire is not hygenic."

3) You taste like honey, honey.
Tell me can I be your honey?
"Disease" Rob Thomas and his band of merry elves.

They get points for alliteration.

4) I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping.
Still my guitar gently weeps.
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" The Beatles

To be honest, this is my favorite Beatles song, which is one of those weird things everyone has to have, like a favorite pizza topping, or a favorite failed TGIF show. However, If George was too busy swapping wives with Eric Clapton to clean or create a coherent rhyme scheme, that's his problem.

Green peppers and "Teen Angel."

5) Is that yo ass, or yo momma half reindeer?
"Shake Ya Tailfeather" Nelly, Diddy, Murphy Lee

It doesn't even make sense, y'all. First of all, where did I miss the memo that having reindeer-like hind quarters was something to covet? Probably that same memo that explained to me what I should drop like it's hot, and how to make it clap. Regardless, shouldn't he be telling the girl that her ass implies that she's 1/4 sleigh-puller, rather than making it an either/or? My dad used to say, "did you walk to school or bring your lunch?" Which is completely stupid right? Same thing. Truly, to be sharing a song with Puffy Combs and have the worst lyrics is an accomplishment. Which brings me to. . . .

6) Young black and famous, with money hanging out the anus.
"Can't Nobody Hold Us Down" The D, the I, The D, The D, the Y, The D, the I, the D It's Diddyyyyyyyyy, P Diddyyyyyyyyy

Yes Sean, you ARE young black and famous. So you can stop now. Seriously dude, stop. And go find Mase, and find out if anything has changed but his limp.

7) Suckin' on a chilli dog, outside the Tasty Freeeheeeez.
"Jack and Diane" Johnny Cougar. . .Mellencamp. . . . Cougar Mellencamp.

Oh yeah, life goes on. Long after the thrill, of making obvious jokes about the homoerotic subtext of sucking on phallic foodstuffs is gone.

8) Come on baby leave some change behind,
she was a bitch, but I don't care.
She brought our food out on time,
and wore a funky barrette in her hair.
"Waitress" Live

Dear Live,
You're not Susanne Vega. Cut that out.
Love,
Society.


Hey, I want you guys to know it took great restraint to not go with the more obvious lyrical choice of, "gotta live, gotta live, gotta live in shit towne."

9) emmalene25: I'm bored. Entertain me.
Roxymoron87: help me think of bad lyrics.
emmalene25: "my name is humpty. pronounced with an umpty"
Roxymoron87: heh, help me think of bad lyrics that we don't like, so I can make fun of them.
emmalene25: hehe...okay. but you have to admit "pronounced with an umpty" is pretty bad
Roxymoron87: yes, yes it is.
emmalene25: how 'bout "I'll never turn my back away from you." b/c if you take that literally it means I'll never face you, which is not what they really meant
Roxymoron87: Who sings that?
Roxymoron87: What's the song?
emmalene25: idk. like creed or nickleback or some other middle of the road band

10) This song is a...
poem to myself...
it helps me to live...
in case of fire...
BREAK the glass...
and move on into your own...
"Poem" Taproot

Seriously? This might be my favorite lyric ever written. It makes me happy to know it exists. And that he keeps the poem in one of those cases on the wall, like an axe. And then in case the fire inside himself gets too hot, he's going to BREAK the glass and read his poem.

So really, it helps me to live too.

11) You got a. . . Prada. . . bag with a lotta. . . stuff in it."
"Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" The Fresh Prince/Will Smith/Will2k/Big Willy Style/America's Favorite Black Man.

You know, I'll forgive the fact that, despite a rapper's only job requirement being knowledge of rhyme scheme, "got a," "Prada," and "a lot of" don't, in fact, rhyme. But, "stuff in it"? Why does he tease us so? We're all excited to know whats in the Prada bag, and then he goes and forgets to finish his thought. So, here's a quick list of things he could've put in the bag, for those of you who've been wondering.

1) Breakfast Fritatta
2) Afrika Bambatta
3) Sternwheel regatta
4) Pots of terra cotta
5) Persona non grata
6) Piano sonata
7) Bread known as ciabatta
8) Isao Takahata
9) *ahem* . . nada

If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram.

12) It seems like everybody's got a plan.
It's kinda like Nashville. . .with a tan.
"Lullaby" Shawn Mullins

What a stunning cultural observation about the people of California from this, the second Shawn to make my list. Hey dude, go sit on the back porch with Dennis Hopper and Bob Seger and Sonny and Cher Mr. Combs. Shawn Colvin will be joining you shortly.

13) It was a baby boy,so we bought him a toy.
It was a ray gun, and it was 1984.
We named him Baby, he had a toothache.
He started crying, it sounded like an earthquake.
It didn't last long, because I stopped it.
I grabbed a rag doll and stuck some little pins in it.
"The Hardest Button to Button" The White Stripes

Jack White enjoys drugs. And really misses the '80s. It would appear the only thing that the '90s had to offer was the invention of those refrigerator magnet poetry kits that he uses to write songs. Any 8th grade English teacher can tell you that the repetition of a given word within a few lines of text is a bad thing. He uses "it" FIVE times in six lines. I do think it was creative how he names the baby "Baby." Oh no wait, I don't, I think that sucks too. And the line, "It didn't last long, because I stopped it" reminds me of that scene from Family Guy where they all meet Randy Newman.

14) Jack will you call me if you're able?
I've got your phone number written in the back of my Bible.
"It's True That We Love One Another" The White Stripes and Holly Golightly

I just want to make it clear that I actually really like the White Stripes. But that doesn't change the fact that this is seriously the worst song ever in history worse than Nazis and puppy killers terrible. I really hate that style of songwriting that sounds like a conversation set to music. Especially when the conversation sounds like that game you play at summer camp where you hold the flashlight under your chin and make up part of a story, then pass it on and the next person has to add to it. And then you get up from the camp fire and you walk back to your cabin. But on the way, you get mud on your purple keds. Then you walk into your cabin and you take them off. You lay down for bed, and realize you haven't brushed your teeth. So you do it. Then you want some Dr. Pepper. But the girl on the top bunk drank it all at lunch.


. . . see? That sucks right? And able isn't even close enough to Bible for me to make a funny list. Also, ugly 40 something British chicks don't get to be named Holly Golightly. Glad we're clear on that. Moving on.

15) She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck.
"The Motherfucking Thong Song" Sisqo

Scroll up and read the reindeer paragraph again. Sometimes being white is hard guys. :( I dunno where my dumps are, but I've got a feeling they're more sedan-like.

16) Automobills
"Bills Bills Bills" Beyonce and Destiny's Child featuring Beyonce.

Nope, not over this one yet.

17) You think I'm a sucker you're fucking sick.
The only thing I suck is my man's dick.
"Bullet and the Bullseye" The Distillers

Okay. On one end of the spectrum you've got Liz Phair (back when she didn't have a top 40 hit and people didn't hate her) talking explicitly about sex, but doing it in kind of a cool, "I hate men" kind of way. On the other end you have "Oochie Wally." Brody's kind of hit a gray area here. But in the end I have to go thumbs down for making me think about that Nerdlinger from Queens of the Stone Age's orgasm face.

18) . . . this bitch is fine,
I done came to the club 'bout fifty-eleven times.
Now can I play with your panty line. . . ?
"Get Low" Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz, featuring the Ying Yang twins.

This is another one of those songs I shouldn't have included, because I actually love the song and think it's hilariously bad. But "fifty-eleven" was too much to ignore. Other "Get Low" lyrics I didn't go with:

"Stupid bitch standing there while I'm drinking my hen"
"Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz wit it, and we all would like to see ass and titties."
"Disrespect it" pronounced "Dish-re-shpake-eet"


God damn I love this song. I wish I knew how to twerk it. Or get crunk.

19) Now the posse's gettin' hungry, and Mix-a-Lot's treatin'
we stopped at Taco Bell, for some Mexican eatin'
"Posse on Broadway" Sir Mix-a-lot

Again, this isnt writing a song, this is just telling me what you did today, and making couplets. Sarah McLachlan can write SONGS. Elvis Costello can write SONGS. Hell even Andre 3000 can write SONGS. But if you want to tell me a story, write it down, don't sing it. I can't help but think the world would be a better place if someone had just given Simon and Garfunkel a livejournal.


. . .got a little off track there, didn't I?

Ah well. "Mexican eatin" is pretty generic. There.

20) You can say that I'm one curly fry in the box of the regular
Messing with the flavor oh the flavor that you savor
Saving me for last but you better not eat me at all
Living in a fast food bag making friends with the ketchup and salt
"Too Much Food" Jason Mraz

NICK.

Many of the artists on this list are my personal favorites that have unfortunately written some pretty bad lines. Some are just crappy people. Enjoy.

1) The son sits out in the sun
"For Your Lungs Only" - Alkaline Trio

Get it, it’s like the same word only spelled differently and with different meaning, so when I sing the lyrics it sounds exactly the same and wicked retarded. It’s like saying, “HEY PASS THE HAY LOL”. lol

2) when it gets dark I tow your heart
"Lovely Rita" - The Beatles

The song is about a Meter Maid. The reference is that Paul is going to tow Rita’s heart, like she tows cars. Hey, where’s John?

3) Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee
"Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee" - Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band

For those of you who are familiar with Mr. Beefheart you can see my dilemma in choosing one lyrics of which to find “bad”. Such classics as “Ashtray Heart” and “Frownland” come to mind, but none as boldly retarded as MLTAVWAMOMK.

4) Runnin' and duckin' out to the Hot Rocks parking lot, you'll all get shot whether its your fault or not, cus...
Eminem – “Soldier”

You want me to finish this for you, buddy? I think it should go “Cus I’m an asshole”. Shoot me a river. Of blood. Ass.

5) Am I here or am I there
Or am I playing on the stairs
Am I in my room with my toys
I am the disappearing boy
"Disappearing Boy"

Dr. Suess Green Day sure wrote a great story!

6) Don’t want to be just like you
"The Anthem" - Good Charlotte

The irony that you faggots look like every single freshman in my school.

7) It’s time I make like an apple tree and leave
"Apple Trees" - Ozma

(clap). (clap). (clap). Original.

8) The choo-choo train left right on time
A ticket cost only your mind
"My Name is Jonas" - Weezer

LOOKS LIKE YOU LOST YOUR MIND A LONG TIME AGO AM I WRITE GUYS?/

Seriously. Choo-choo train? I’ll kill you.

9) All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
"One Step Closer" - Linkin Park

So since something doesn’t make sense to you, you’ll find comfort in actually refraining from the knowledge? n00b.

10) When you sell like Eminem, and the hoes they wanna fuck
"In Da Club" - 50 Cent
(Red and green squiggles under every single word when run in MSWord)

Thank you, Mr. Cent, for

B.

1) Are you Johnny Ray?
Are you Slim Ray?
Are you Faye Wray?
Who wants to know, who wants to know?
Are you Sting Ray?
Are you Link Wray?
Are you Jimmy Ray?
Who wants to know, who wants to know?
"Are You Jimmy Ray" - Jimmy Ray

Nobody. Nobody wants to know. Oh, wait, somebody wants to know. Gay Rockabilly Simon Rex Magazine called, they want to do a cover story!

2) You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it
"Your Body is a Wonderland" - John Mayer

John Mayer bewilders me, as it seems that the dopey guy that hangs around and is always playing acoustic guitar for the Christian girls has become a superstar. I give him credit for being a bad music celebrity without reaching the constant airplay of Three Doors Down or the rectum-rocking pretension of Josh Groban. But even John's Dave Matthews Light Mustard and Mayer-Nasal delivery can't save bad lyrics like this. Never let her head hit the bed without your hand behind it? So every time your girlfriend tries to take a nap she has to get your palm on her temple? She's going to wake up with big red lines across her forehead. And what the fuck, if she tries to sleep without telling you first she might end up getting a judo chop to the skull. John Mayer's lover's body is a wonderland, and John is the big goofy worm smoking crack.

3) Because she’s mine
The doggone girl is mine
Don’t waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine

"The Girl is Mine" - Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney

When forced to think up a two letter word to describe the love of his life, multiple Grammy winning cultural icon Michael Jackson and certified former genius Paul McCartney come up with "doggone." Honorable mention goes to the last minute of the song, when Paul and Michael bicker like faggot schoolchildren. Yeah, I bet the girl is losing sleep trying to decide between the sixty-year old indecipherable shell and the six pound skeleton pedophile.

Paul: Michael, we’re not going to fight about this, okay
Michael: Paul, I think I told you, I’m a lover not a fighter
Paul: I’ve heard it all before, Michael, she told me that I’m her forever lover, you know, don’t you remember?
Michael: Well, after loving me, she said she couldn’t love another
Paul: Is that what she said
Michael: Yes, she said it, you keep dreaming
Paul: I don’t believe it
Paul: lol i just changed the lennon/mccartney on "revolution" to read by paul mccartney. now the song is about my dead wife's vegan lasagna!
Paul: heather sticks her fake leg in my butt sometimes
Paul: fuck wrong window m8

4) Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town
"Jailbreak" - Thin Lizzy

There's gonna be a jailbreak? Somewhere in this town? Where now? Maybe AT THE JAIL?

5) 'cuz we're dope kid change like a chameleon and the
channel whenever the wack show Real World is on
"Down" - 311

The breakthrough hit single from the worst band in America. This is about as far into any of their songs that I've gotten, so there might be worse 311 lyrics, maybe even at the end of this same song. Listening to a 311 song is like getting punched in the face by the people riding beside you on the Gravitron. Rhyming "chameleon" with "on" is bad enough, but I simply cannot stand by any band that makes bad e/n website commentary a crucial part of their lyric structure. In tribute to 311, I have decided to write the ultimate breakthrough hit single, so shitty Weezer fans can say I'm a good band too:

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the Mr. T in a sombrero does go on.
Once more, you opened the door
And you're here in my heart and,
my Mr. T in a sombrero will go on and on

PITY THE FOOL
PITY THE FOOL WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU

311 shouldn't be judged by this one song, though, cause they're really a great band! You just have to listen to the tracks that don't get on the radio! Their entire second album is about lead singer Nick Hexum sticking his fingers in Pedro's peanut butter.

6) Oh we’re floating in the coastal waters
You and me and the porter’s daughters
Ooh what to do not a sausage to do
"Backwater" - Brian Eno

I hate lyrics like this. I think it's pretty obvious that porter's daughters never not do a sausage. But hey, maybe that explains all the wieners in Velvet Goldmine.

7) I met so many men and
It's like they're all the same
My appetite for lovin
Is now my hunger pain

And when I'm feelin sexy
Who's gonna come for me
My only problem is
Their insecurity
"I'm Real" - Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule

Gobble Gobble, it's Hypocrisy Time! Jenniflo has a problem with the men of the world being insecure, yet SHE is the one worried about who is going to come for her when she's feeling sexy. And if you're feeling sexy, why do you have a problem getting men to come? Maybe if she was feeling like a chunky, pale Puerto Rican backup dancer then YEAH, of course she's going to feel insecure. But not when she's sexy. Not when she's a spray-tanned Mexican. NO NOT THEN J-FLECK. J-Aff. Aff-Lo. There we go. Aff-Lo.

8) I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
"Careless Whisper" - WHAM!

As Dave Barry has officially noted, this line is maybe the only line in music bad enough to compete with Mac Davis' "Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me," which sings: "Girl you're a hot blooded woman-child; and it's warm when you're touching me." I chose to include Careless Whisper here because of the awesome dramatic irony. I like to think God made the gay guys in Choose Life T-shirts sing this as sort of a cosmic Ashton Kutcher wandering into our lives to tell us we've been religiously Punk'd.

But anyway, guilty feet? What'd he do, kick his boyfriend?

9) If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room

If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight

If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand

I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait...I already am)

"Invisible" - Clay Aiken

Creep.

10) I don't know what's gotten into me,
but I kinda think I know what it is...
I think I'm in love.
"I Think I'm in Love" - Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson, please accept your Nobel Prize for Redundancy Prize! Do you know what it is, or do you kinda know what it is, or do you think you know what it is? It's not love. It's the rest of America piling on to the wagon I've been piloting since the first time Jessica and her asymmetrical face waddled into popular consciousness. Now it's not just me. We ALL hate Jessica Simpson now. It's like somebody chiseled Anna Nicole Smith's forehead, and the skinny part came off as Jessica. The fat part came off as one of those power lifters in the Special Olympics. And yes, I'd rather a retarded kid with a huge ass sample John Cougar Mellancamp. I am undecided on which I'd rather see "suck on a chilli dog."

11) Hey, fat fellow,
with the hair colored yellow
"Gimme Three Steps" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

hats goin on in this song guy

12) Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
Your the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Somethin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
"Summer Girls" - LFO

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

No, Jesus H. Christ. And the H stands for "God want to punch them so bad God GOD want to punch them so bad." Jesus God want to punch them so bad God GOD want to punch them so bad Christ. The worst verse in the history of recorded sound. The only thing close to it is the NEXT VERSE.

Cherry Pez, cold crush, rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boy Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

Haha, there was a good man named Paul Revere. About here is when the song goes from bad to good and back around to bad again, before crashing into a semi truck carrying bad and explodes, causing traffic to be backed up way back miles into good. By the third verse, when he says "I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose" I burst into laughter and the song becomes a part of me. Because I too hate Footloose. Fuck you, Chris Penn. Fuck you for trying to learn how to dance when you weren't supposed to. Fuck you for losing the Mortal Kombat Test Your Might competition against the South Koreans. Fuck you for making us earn our karate gold medals through pity. And while we're at it, fuck you too Good Man Paul Revere. You and the horse you road in on.

But in all seriousness: Who DOESN'T love fun dip?

13) You say he's a Jew, does it mean that he's tight?
You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?
You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.
You say he's a Jew, as though being born were a sin.
Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him
'Cause he's pieces of you?
"Pieces of You" - Jewel

If I'm not Jewish can a Jewish guy be pieces of me? I mean, "ugly girl" I can understand, because I like breathing out of my mouth. And "pretty girl," yeah, because I love it when people compliment me in a way that they might compliment a pet bird. Of course "faggot" is a piece of me because I knew all the words to that Clay Aiken song. And I enjoy it when girls stick their fingers in my butt, which is totally weird but I'm told it's okay. As long as I don't imagine that the fingers are penises. Not so much because of homophobia, but because I don't know if I want five penises in my ass at the same time. So yeah, not the most Jewish guy on the block. But if I had to put a piece of me in a Jew, I'd pick Sarah Silverman. She might give me herpes, but I bet even her herpes are hilarious! I'd try to wash them out in three days (instead of five) and they'd be all sardonic about it. LOL. herpes.

14) Why are you so mad? try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don’t want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn’t say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!
"Stan" - Eminem

If we are to assume that Marshall is sitting there writing this letter out to Stan as the video suggests, are we also to assume that he also wrote out the "Come to think about it, his name was.. it was you" part as well? I bet all of Eminem's lyrics get submitted to Dre's e-mail with strikethroughs.

So when you see me, dressin up like a pretty pony nerd on tv
Or heard the cd usin' the insert tolerant term for homosexual fag word so freely
It’s just me being stain'd me, here want me fag fag fag to tone it down?
suck my Phil Collins fuckin dick, you Phil Collins Phil Phi faggot

"Stan" is the funniest song ever made. I love it like I love my wife. I can't stop making jokes about it. Take my Stan, please!!11

15) But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat- cause I wanna
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back
"So Yesterday" - Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff is 5'4 and weights like 90 pounds. She probably gets pissed when she goes into Hot Topic and can't find a Cheer Bear baby-T in her size. So what does she do? Borrow it from Aaron Carter. Which is probably who's jeans she's talking about here. So I'd like to say, Hilary, if you've got your little heart set on only dating guys your size, you're out of luck. You're basically stuck with Gordo or the Marky Mark of the Backstreet Boys. Your children are going to be pygmies. Pygmies in plaid pants with perfectly groomed hair.

16) They do what they wanna do, say what they wanna say
Live how they wanna live, play how they wanna play
Dance how they wanna dance, kick and they slap a friend
The Addams Family
"Addams Groove" - Hammer

Sorry Hammer, maybe Jose Canseco didn't give you enough guidance when you were a tiny lad, but "kick and they slap a friend" just doesn't work here. None of the "Addams Groove" makes sense. If you were wondering why Hammer and that brick in the front of his genie pants could never make it on the gangsta level, consider the lyrics, "Now I don't mind being a friend and showin' a little bit of flava/But Wednesday, Pugsley, Gomez, Fester, man, them some strange neighbors."

This was the worst song ever recorded for a movie until 2003's "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World Bluegrass Round-Up," by Allison Krauss and Nautical Station.

Bad Country Music Joke: I think we should put Confederate Railroad and Union Station in a big field and have them shoot at each other until one wins. And fuck it, put Joe Diffie in there too. Anything I have to do to get Joe Diffie shot.

17) I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I could
Tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran
"Where Were You (When they Built a Ladder to Heaven the World Stopped Turning)" - Alan Jackson

And speaking of country music, this is exactly what is wrong with our country. And this:

18) Oh, Justice will be served and the battle will rage.
This big dog will fight when you rattle his cage
You'll be sorry that you messed with the US of A
'Cuz we'll put a boot in your ass
It's the American way.
"Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" - Toby Keith

I'm not a "real political man" either. You aren't going to hear me go off on a jingoistic rant for or against our foreign policy. I try to listen to the facts and base my opinion on what I find most important, the sanctity of human life or the freedom of the world's people. But the minute I hear one of these dog-fucking mustachioed denim-fuckers warbling about how important the nation is to them, I want to "buy me a Ford truck and cruise it" into them. The next time our Mother Liberty has a month's advance information on where a terrorist attack is going to happen, you know, like the last time all those heroes died, let me know. I want to hog-tie every one of these jokers to the front of the building. Then I'll let the Dixie Chicks piss into buckets and hurl them at said building. That way I win both ways: I get to see the death of what is wrong with humanity in a symbolic form, and I might get some awesome upskirt cooch pics.

19) Baby baby baby baby baby
baby I love you
baby baby baby baby baby
I love it when I hear your name
"Baby" - Ashanti

Ashanti says the word "baby" 91 times in this song, and that isn't including the background singing. Similarly, she says "baby" 44 times in "Rock Wit You," her latest hit single, and that's not counting the background singing or the times when she says "babe." When she gets to Hell, her punishment is going to be very specific: for each time in her life she put "baby" in a song, she has to see one of those pictures of herself from high school when she was a fat cheerleader with a unibrow and mustache.

20) And on this page, we see a little girl giggling at a hippopotamus.
I wonder why.
"Magic Medicine" - Incubus

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