In case you missed the first half:
25. Bunsen and Beaker
Much like Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy, and other fat guy/skinny guy combinations, you cannot have Bunsen without Beaker, and vice versa. And would you even want to see one of them on their own? Who would hand Beaker a screwdriver and let him electrocute himself? Floyd? I think not.
This pair of stalwart scientists serves as a wonderful example of the difference between Sesame Street (an educational show for children) and The Muppet Show (a variety show for adults). On Sesame Street, Telly wonders which of these things is not like the other. On The Muppet Show, Bunsen blows up Beaker’s face. On Sesame Street, children are taught the permanence of death in an honest and heartfelt way. On The Muppet Show, Bunsen dissolves Beaker’s head with sulfuric acid.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is a terrible person.
24. Fat Blue
Poor old Fat Blue. He represents the hapless consumer in all of us. Be honest, now: how many times have you gone to a restaurant and insisted on the large hamburger despite the waiter’s recommendation otherwise, only to be served a sandwich so large that it collapses the table and destroys the walls? Oh, Marie Callender’s, when will you learn?
To be fair, at least half of the headaches Mr. Johnson (as Muppet Wiki identifies the Fat Blue in question) must deal with come as a result of his own omission of crucial details. Sadly enough, many of us who watched Sesame Street as children grow up to be waiters and waitresses, and “I can’t eat my soup” is exactly the sort of thing an idiot of a customer would say. Just ask for a spoon, motherfucker. It will make both of our lives easier.
23. Doozers
My memories of the Doozers mainly involve me staring transfixed at an episode of Fraggle Rock while continually remarking aloud, “How do they do that? How is this possible?” Thinking about the tiny endoskeleton and guts that makes the Doozers ambulatory is somewhat terrifying, and leads me to believe that Skynet may actually be a future offshoot of the Henson Creature Shop.
Creepy self-propelled puppetry aside, the relationship between Fraggle and Doozer is somewhat bizarre. Doozers appear to exist solely to create elaborate constructs out of turnip dust, which leads to the Fraggles endlessly snacking on the Doozer architecture that is pervasive within the caves. It may seem that the Fraggles are a bunch of jerks, BUT WAIT. If the Fraggles did not destroy and consume the work of the Doozers, the crystalline erections would dominate the cave completely, leading to, one can only assume, mass hysteria.
what i am saying is that you’re damned if you doozer
22. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
When we were compiling this list, B and I came up with a large list of different muppets we wanted to make it. We came up with things like the Dingers or Placido Flamingo. When we got to the members of the Electric Mayhem and started arguing over who was the best member that we realized that in some cases, certain things work best as a group. Actually, Zoot the Sax player is the best member of the Electric Mayhem, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I really mean it about the groups thing though. I was reminded of it when I was watching TV and a neon Paul McCartney with a mandolin strutting and singing about people dancing. While I'm not the biggest Beatles fan in the world, I'm pretty sure that no 60-year-old millionaire would be dancing a jig against a green screen just because they wanted to feed their muse. This is why the Electric Mayhem were so great: they were a strong group. You'd never see Janice jumping around in a bikini singing about how we should all hang out a club.
Also, what kind of name is Dr. Teeth anyhow? Last time I heard a doctor of teeth was called a dentist.
21. Miss Piggy
People always want to make jokes about the sexuality of puppets and cartoon characters. Despite having no outward showing of affection towards the same gender, Bert, Ernie, Spongebob and Tinky Winky have all been called gay all while everyone seems to ignore the obviously lecherous behaviors of Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy is, presumably, a sort of humanoid pig who for some reason has an obsession with an anthropormorphic frog, all the while ignoring the other humanoid pig on the same show. She also strongly pursues all of the male human guest stars. While one could rationalize that it would make sense as some sort of humanoid pig to pursue the other humanoid pigs on the show or at the very least, the humans, it her desire for Kermit that's the most puzzling. Is it the same kind of rebellion that makes a rich white girl date a black boy to make her parents upset? Does Miss Piggy have anything to prove to anyone in her pursuit of Kermit? She's already an accomplished singer and TV star, so wouldn't the cross species romance damage her image or is she only in pursuit of her own happiness, no matter what sort of inter-species conflicts it might create?
Miss Piggy is a strange creature, indeed.
20. Guy Smiley
Guy Smiley, father of former WCW Hardcore Champion Norman Smiley, has worn many hats during his tenure on Sesame Street, but is best known for being the world’s most beloved game show host. Whether he was helping an Oak Tree to reminisce or trying to get the more challenged denizens of the Street to name three things that are round in under thirty seconds, Guy brought a manic enthusiasm that was greatly appreciated by all.
I am thoroughly convinced that our generation’s deep and abiding love for Bob Barker has a bit to do with the fact that he is, essentially, a live-action Guy Smiley. Same face, same hairstyle, same microphone. The only things missing are charges of sexual harassment and an almost pathological desire to eliminate your pets’ ability to reproduce.
19. Twiddlebugs
I don't remember much about watching the Twiddlebugs on Sesame Street. My best memories of them are from the various Golden Books released about them. They seemed so industrious, spending their time befuddling a subpar detective and constructing cities out of Ernie's trash.
I find a hard time saying why there are so many different Muppets I love and I guess that's the wonderful thing about them. There are Muppets you can like because there is a lot of emotion behind their character or they have a lot to say, or you can like them because they can't figure out how to hang a picture up or they just constrantly gorge themselves on food. Each one is different and there is a different reason to enjoy them. I try to like things for good reasons and try to be able to explain several reasons why I feel that way, but there are times that I enjoy something because it reminds me of being little and it puts a smile on my face. That's what the Twiddlebugs are to me.
18. Sweetums
With the exception of Big Bird, Sweetums is the most-loved and best-known full-body Muppet, which isn’t really saying much when you consider that his other competition is mainly dancers dressed like acid-trip peacocks and The Hangin’ Out Gang. He is also constantly dressed in tattered rags and bears a striking resemblance to the Necro Butcher, so there’s a chance he may be an enormous hobo.
Sweetums is pretty much the resident “that guy” of the Muppets universe, generally known among the casual viewer as “that big brown Muppet that runs through the screen at the end of the Muppet Movie/the Muppet attraction at Disney theme parks”. And then you say “Oh, you mean Sweetums?” And then they chuckle at the name and stroke their neckbeards or what have you.
In conclusion, my love for Sweetums is unconditional.
17. Count von Count
SEVENTEEN! SEVENTEEN MUPPETS LEFT! AH AH AH
16. Animal
As one of the “Big Six”, along with Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo and either Rizzo or Pepe, depending on who you ask, there is scarcely a more marketable Muppet than Animal. He is the Henson creation you are most likely to see at any given Hot Topic, whether it be on a Weezer T-shirt or a postcard that says something witty like I AM CRAZY. If you go to a rock concert and the drummer is very energetic, your buddy will grin and turn to you to point out the comparison. Pretend like you can’t hear him until he gives up.
There is a lot more to Animal than meets the eye. Upon first inspection, he appears to be a barely-contained rabid beast, driven only by his unquenchable lust for the opposite sex and a compulsion to “BEAT DRUMS, BEAT DRUMS!” But he is not without his more cultured side. The Great Muppet Caper features one of the best throwaway jokes in the entire Muppet oeuvre. When Kermit first encounters Animal, he asks Zoot why the drummer seems so crazed. When Zoot explains that he’s upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery, Animal can be heard off-screen, screaming, “RENOIR! RENOIR!”
It is these little quirks, and the fact that we know almost nothing about Animal beyond BEAT DRUMS and WO-MAN that keeps Animal so popular and beloved. In many ways, he is like the Wolverine of the Muppet universe, only not as boring.
15. Statler and Waldorf
There isn’t much to be said about the Muppet Theater’s resident hecklers, two decrepit old codgers who have nothing better to do than express their disdain for everything presented to them. It’s pretty brilliant that the creators of The Muppet Show thought to write their harshest critics into the script. It’s a great device, and doesn’t leave much room for the naysayers watching at home, and often provides a bigger laugh than the comedy sketch that preceded it. I like to think that, in a way, Statler and Waldorf helped to inspire things like Mystery Science Theater 3000. On the other hand, they also probably helped to inspire every douchebag at independent wrestling shows looking to get themselves over.
Waldorf: That was wonderful!
Statler: Bravo!
Waldorf: I loved it!
Statler: That was great!
Waldorf: Well, it was pretty good.
Statler: Well, It wasn't bad.
Waldorf: There were parts that weren't pretty good, though.
Statler: It could've been a lot better.
Waldorf: I didn't really like it.
Statler: It was pretty terrible.
Waldorf: It was bad.
Statler: It was awful!
Both: Terrible! Eh, boo!
14. The Martians
I love, love, love these aliens so much. There are a few things in life that when they're mentioned I get a big, dumb smile on my face, the Martians are one of those things. They were performed over the years by various puppeteers and the best part about them is that whoever played them jsut seemed like they were goofing around and having a good time. The love and care that showed through each Muppet Show or Sesame Street segment is part of the reason why it's so easy to enjoy watching either show, if it didn't have any of this it'd just be some afwul Sid and Marty Krofft show about monsters on a commune. The Martians have that same love and care that the other Muppets have, but also feel fun to watch since they seemed to fun to perform.
When I was growing up, I went through a "cheerleader" phase where my grandmother bought me pom poms to pretend I was cheering and wave around. Before I could even come up with some sort of generic cheer to shout loudly at an imaginary sports team, the first thing I did was pick it up by the handle, shake it around and walk around saying "Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip. Uh-huh," over and over. And honestly, I'd do the same thing now if given the chance.
13. Fozzie Bear
I don’t know what it is about fictional bears. Fozzie, Pooh, Little Bear. You just want to laugh with them and give them a great big hug. They’re adorable and flawed and a little slow, but so good-natured and big-hearted that you wear out your “Dyawwww” muscle. By stark contrast, a real-life bear will maul the shit out of you. A good way to tell that you are dealing with a real bear is that he will not be wearing a hat. Also you will be dead.
Fozzie is a wonderful character (and a terrible band). He has no ulterior motives; he never loses his temper or complains. He simply wants to be a comedian and to help his friends the best he can, even though at times he isn’t successful at either endeavor. He is exceptionally pure of heart even for a Muppet, which makes it so hard to watch when he’s sad. When his voice cracks during his verse on “Saying Goodbye” from The Muppets Take Manhattan, it puts a lump in my throat of Big Fish-level proportions. There is a scene in It’s A Very Merry Muppet Christmas where he loses all of the money that was needed in order to save the Muppet Theater that breaks my heart every single time. Despite all of his failings, Fozzie will never stop trying his best, and will do everything in his power to be there for the people he cares about.
I think we could all use a friend like Fozzie. Why, there’s one now!
ROAR
12. The Nightmare
As I've said before, my favorite Muppet holiday special is, and walys will be "The Christmas Toy", without any doubt. However, this year, I was shown for the first time "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas". Though Emily has pretty much put everything down about it better than I could say, I really must again say how awesome the Riverbottom Nightmare Band is. When they're on stage during the talent show performing their song, I lose it every time Frank Oz sings in his low, grovely, Grover-like voice "RIVERBOTTOM!!!~"
As stated in their Muppet wikipedia entry:
"When not performing on stage, the band members enjoy breaking traffic laws, riding their snowmobiles, and destroying merchandise. When not performing on stage, the band members enjoy breaking traffic laws, riding their snowmobiles, and destroying merchandise."
I think that says all it needs to.
11. Swedish Chef
There is a character that is a chef who speaks fake Sweidsh, was once translated into fake Chinese and creates recipes using things like tennis rackets, fireworks and guns. I think this is possibly the greatest character ever concieved. Reading stoires about the taping of the Muppet Shows, the Swedish Chef was often the only sketch that didn't need canned laughter as many of the performers and crew would come over to watch it being taped and would end up laughing loud enough for them to forgo canned laughter.
My mother has become obsessed with cooking in the past few years and constantly watches the Food Network. I hate the Food Network with a passion because I've had to watch it so much. I don't want to look at Rachel Ray's creepy Joker smile or watch Ina Garten sloppily pile mayonaisse or something onto parchment paper. I know I can blame most of this on just having to see the same things over and over , but I know I would keep watching if Bobby Flay made Chicken Caccitore by running around a farm picking up live chickens in a fish net.
10. Sam the Eagle
Jim Henson was kind of a hippie in some ways. Actually, in most ways. All right, all right, Jim Henson was a giant hippie. And what do hippies love to do? Refuse to bathe. Take the squares down a couple of notches. Conceived to mock the conservatives and out-of-touch moral majority of the seventies, no one is more of a square than Sam. Bald, stiff, authoritative, full of self-importance, if Sam the Eagle were created today, his catchphrase would probably be “These colors don’t run” or “Get ‘her’ done”.
The unfortunate thing is that Sam is rarely, if ever, used these days, because once Frank Oz retired from duty every attempt at recasting to date has sounded like complete ass. Somehow we can get four different people who can all sound EXACTLY like Frank Oz doing Miss Piggy, Cookie Monster, Grover and Fozzie, but no one can figure out how to do Sam’s voice with any accuracy. Come on, people, Jesse Ventura is RIGHT THERE.
9. Gonzo
In The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are attempting to hail a cab with no luck. Gonzo claims to know a trick, and then flings himself headlong into the street, screaming, “TAXIIIIIIIII!!” A cab screeches to a halt mere inches from Gonzo’s head, and Kermit and Fozzie are duly impressed. Gonzo then sits up, proclaiming, “Yeah, it’s great when it works!”
Thus is our beloved Gonzo; a masochist, a narcissist, a showman. Evolving from a sleepy-eyed nebbish in a wilted purple tux to The Great Gonzo, whose greatest feat is consuming a tire while “Flight Of The Bumblebee” plays in the background. Sometimes I think that the daredevil persona of Gonzo was created because the Muppet performers just loved the sheer joy of throwing a puppet against a wall.
Taken at face value, Gonzo really is a Weirdo. He likes being injured, has a thing for both pigs and chickens, and generally doesn’t make a lot of sense. But he’s happy with who he is, even if he has to be reminded by Madeline Kahn or Bernadette Peters every now and then that he is a unique snowflake.
As a side note, never type “Gonzo” by itself into an image search unless you want to see assholes with arms in them.
8. Forgetful Jones
wait, did we already do forgetful jones
8. Grover
Grover is important to the development of a child because he presents a serious, highly-specific view of adult life. Grover has his moments: dressing in a cape to become "Super Grover," passing out mid-explanation of near and far... but it is his down time, the moments when we see Grover without a point that define him. Grover has no special skills. He is not smart, or strong. He can't sing or dance. He has no defining characteristics. He waits tables for a living. Grover is the absolute median of us all, letting kids know that if they don't grow up to be a Romanian Count or a shop owner or an amnesiac cowboy they might grow up to be normal... and that that's okay. Grover fucks up more than he succeeds. He's rationalizing why he gave you a bowl of soup with a fly in it instead of just getting you another bowl of soup. He's just like you and me. Flawed, but well meaning.
I like to think Grover is what Elmo will become when Elmo gets to college, realizes how much of a goon he was in infancy, and chills out.
7. Robin
Jerry Nelson doesn't often get the credit he deserves as a Muppet performer. He often gets stuck being the high pitched voice of irritating sounding women or as a background character. He really gets to shine as the melancholy-voiced little frog, Robin.
Robin debuted as part of the Muppet Fairy Tale "The Frog Prince" and hung around in the background for a few years as a tiny frog. He was established as Kermit's nephew in the second season when Bernadette Peters sings to him the song "Just One Person". Years later after the death of Jim Henson, it's Robin that sings this song to everyone else to make the rest of the Muppets feel better during the tribute to Jim Henson. I can't really express how sad and wonderful this is without being able to show it to you, so here it is:
6. Big Bird
Big Bird is central to all of this. You can't do it without Big Bird.
"I guess it's better to be who you are. Turns out people like you best that way, anyway."
When you're making a show about monsters and black people for the benefit of children, you need a THING, SOMETHING right in the middle of it all to make it work. Big Bird is that thing. He is simple and exact, he has no preconceptions. He tells kids that asking questions is a good way to find out answers. He tells them the alphabet, he encourages them to sing with passion. He is a child, and he is older than us all. He's just Sesame Street itself, a walking, flapping exaggeration of everything we can hope to be. When he first showed up he looked (and sounded) like Jimmy from South Park, and when he sleeps, he snores real deep and then goes memememememe.
He's never been one of the people in my neighborhood - I don't live anywhere enormous yellow humanoid birds are familiar - but he's the reason I decided to take a look at those people in my neighborhood at all. Big Bird is just who he is, and I like him best that way.
5. Rowlf
Newcomers to The Muppet Show may be confused by the similarities between Rowlf and Dr. Teeth. Both are raspy-voiced characters, both are performed by Jim Henson, and both play the piano. There is, however, one distinct difference: Rowlf is fucking awesome. Now, I have nothing against Dr. Teeth. I think the guy’s great. But he’s no Rowlf. Rowlf is a Muppet that you can put in any situation. He can do heartwarming, whimsical, shtick-y; he can even play the braggart.
Rowlf once sang “What A Beautiful World” to a cocker spaniel puppy. too bad he has never cried That is precisely as adorable as it sounds. Perhaps his finest moment is duet with Kermit in The Muppet Movie, as the two sing a raucous lament to “women trouble” called “I Hope That Something Better Comes Along”:
It's no good complaining, and pointless to holler
If she's a beauty she'll get under your collar
She made a monkey out of old King Kong
I hope that something better comes along
Amen, piano-playing dog puppet. Amen.
4. Cookie Monster
Cookie Monster is Grover with Aspergers. Or he's what Grover would've become if he'd been kicked in the head by a bull in adolescence. He's a crazy blue guy with googly eyes (like Marty Feldman) who cannot possibly contain his desire to eat whatever is put in front of him, regardless of whether or not it is food. Cookie has eaten computers, the telephone... well, okay, he doesn't "eat" them so much as he puts them in his mouth and crumbles them up so the pieces fall everywhere, but he's destroying it for the same reason a glutton would eat - because he wants to consume it, and destroy it. Cookie Monster is Galactus, the Devourer of Worlds, on an urban scale. He is the Living Death that Walks for Children. At any point he could turn to the little Asian girl in a wheelchair and just fuck up her world.
I think Cookie, more than any other Muppet, is the purest representation of what Jim Henson was going for when he started out. He wanted to make something ridiculous to make people smile in a world that frowns on the ridiculous. The learning and the friendship came later. Before letters and numbers and musical acts with Elton John, he was sitting with a pad of paper and, for whatever reason, thought "very hungry" was all the character development he needed. And you know what? Almost 40 years later little kids are wearing bibs with Cookie Monster on them.
Maybe the rest of us are just trying too hard.
3. Bert and Ernie
I don’t think I can count the number of life lessons I’ve gleaned from Bert and Ernie over the years. For example, Ernie taught me that the moon not a completely desirable place to live, and also that I must put down the ducky if I want to play the saxophone. Can’t tell you how embarrassing things were at the local Clarence Clemons Appreciation Society meetings until I got that one straightened out.
But perhaps the most important lesson I learned from the pair of lifelong best friends (AND NOTHING ELSE, JEEZ) is that sometimes the people you love can annoy you, and that’s okay. Ernie drives Bert up the fucking wall, but that doesn’t stop Bert from selling his paperclip collection to buy Ernie a soap dish for Christmas in which he can keep his Rubber Ducky. Ernie, in turn, sells his Rubber Ducky to buy his ol’ buddy Bert a cigar box which can be used to store his paperclip collection. HILARITY ENSUES. I MEAN HEARTWARMINGNESS.
2. Oscar the Grouch
Sesame Street has been so influential that there are several international versions, each with their own muppet characters. If you're Elmo, you get to be on every single Sesame Street style show ever created as yourself. Most characters are lucky if they get a character similar to them, but most aren't that lucky, that is, unless you're Big Bird or Oscar the Grouch. Oscar is such a great character that he has Grouch cousins all over the world, the best being Moishe Oofnik, the Jewish grouch who lives in a car.
Oscar gets a tough time from the people on Sesame Street and it's not fair to him. It's the only time on the show you see someone being openly judged. Dave Chapelle says in one of his routines: 'Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?', 'Yeah, Oscar, you're a grouch!', in which Oscar responds 'Bitch! I live in a fucking trash can! I'm the poorest motherfucker on Sesame Street! Nobody's helping me.' It's unfair how Oscar gets treated on the show sometimes, but he at least gets admiration from others, including the Grouchketeers.
There is a lot of thigns about Sesame Street that may change over the yeas, Roosevelt Franklin will get hidden away because he's racist, apparently, Elmo playing in Cyber Space will replace Teeny Little Super Guy, but Oscar will always be on Sesame Street, hanging next to the stoop in his trash can and he will always be awesome. Recently he continued to spread his grouchiness around to other countries. When Big Bird's cousin visited from Mexico, Oscar took him to the airport in the Sloppy Jalopy and taught him a single English word: "Scram!" For that, Oscar continues to get my respect and admiration from now until his can gets put in the Smithsonian beside Kermit.
1. Kermit The Frog
Was there ever any doubt? No one Muppet has ever, or will ever, so completely embody the spirit of Jim Henson than Kermit. I give Steve Whitmire all the credit in the world for becoming so comfortable in the character over the last seventeen years. It’s not an easy task for someone to bring a new voice to a character that had already been around for thirty-five years, but he was able to keep the character alive. Regardless, Kermit and Jim will always be tied together, because they both helped us to see the world in new ways, and their love of one another helped us to see the beauty in ourselves, in others, and in the world around us.
Kermit the Frog is not Mickey Mouse. He is not Bugs Bunny. He is something tactile, something with a face and a voice and a character in three dimensions. Children can hug him, celebrities can kiss him, he can be karate-chopped by a jealous pig. He can even ride a bicycle, for God’s sakes. Kermit is more of a human being than any frog ever dared dream. He knows that life isn’t easy, but it is beautiful. This is the heart and soul of what Jim Henson wanted to give to the world, and he succeeded admirably. Kermit the Frog is number one because we love him, and we always will.
