My Animal
He was what he was.
written by Pholby on January 23, 2026

I.

     She hated fundraisers. They were always drawn out affairs with speeches and a pay bar and too much applause and people who thought they were interesting but really weren't. She was only there because her roommate Jamie's boyfriend had agreed to go, then broken up with her a week ago. Her roommate was afraid to go alone, so there she was, adjusting her itchy wool sweater and nursing a martini that cost her $11.50. She was mad at her roommate for making her come - her roommate didn't even have to be here, she wasn't integral to the event, she was only there because everyone else she always saw at these things was. And now Jamie was off chatting up Guy Lombardo, and she was just standing there, feeling like an idiot. A waltz played in the background as couples on the dance floor moved in small, polite circles.

     Then she saw him. His wild eyes and his eyebrow. Just one massive and bushy brow separating his eyes from a shock of pink hair. He was wearing a yellow and red shirt that didn't really cover his chest, but was loose around his shoulders. He bounded across the floor, grabbed her drink, finished it in one gulp, threw the glass over her shoulder, and pulled her on to the dance floor. She was cautious, and someone being this forward with her was only enough to make her think to herself "Well that's interesting." She was standing on the dance floor with a bizarre stranger, and she was still calculating in her head, removed from the moment, thinking about what the best comment would be, and whether she should raise her eyebrows at him in a puzzled manner or with a smile. Then he threw an arm around her, took her hand and danced, and all of that was gone. Many men can dance, but when they are not just grinding you can see them counting the steps in their head, trying to do exactly what they're supposed to, and it is nothing like this. This was a beautiful natural motion, he lead with his hips and his whole body seemed to inhibit hers with a physical confidence, and she stopped calculating and stopped thinking and just danced. He spun her around the dance floor and alternated between staring into her eyes and closing his eyes and letting his head roll back, absorbed in the movement. He was an even better dancer with his eyes closed.

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     As they spun in circles amongst pigs and Rowlf telling bad jokes, he bounced up and down, and his energy seemed so out of place, so subversive. "Let's boogie!" he cried. "Okay," she said. She wasn't really sure what he was doing, and she started to mentally remove herself again. What did he mean, boogie? Weren't they already dancing? "Boogie boogie boogie!" he yelled, and dipped her. He dipped her fast and low, and she screamed slightly before making a light 'thud' on the ground. He laughed, pulled her back up, and continued dancing. She kept dancing with him, wondering what had just happened, and thinking to herself a million things at once. What the fuck was that? Had he just thrown her to the floor? What did she do now? Unsure of anything, she just kept dancing. A man who looked a lot like a dirty moon poking through the clouds turned back over his shoulder and spoke to her. "I've noticed nothing seems to bother you. Are you into meditation?" "No," she replied. "Sedation." What business was it of his what was going on? She didn't even know, so a half-assed zinger was all she could tell him. "Boogie boogie boogie!" he yelled again, and she hit the ground a second time. More people turned their heads. "They shouldn't allow his kind in here," someone said, and she couldn't hear their companion's reply. She was still very confused, unsure of what to do, and as he swung his hips through hers she just picked something and went with it.

     "Boogie boogie boogie!" she yelled, stuck her foot behind his, and dropped him as hard as she could, laughing. She was no pushover.

     "Thank you!" he told her, and they danced.

     They danced through the night, he putting a little extra something into dances from the eighteenth century, while in the background others quietly raised $16,000 for the Foundation to Cure Foam Rot. When the event was letting out, he ran in circles in the back half of the room, unwilling to stand in the crowd and slowly mill along. When the door was finally clear, he went tearing out into the street, and she followed. She stepped outside and watched him run up and down the block, yelling "WO-MAN!" at the top of his lungs. It occurred to her that it only seemed like the top of his lungs, that she really had no idea how loud he could get. She wouldn't be surprised if his shouts could level buildings. "He likes you," someone said, and she jumped. She turned around and saw a short green man slouched against the building, his sunglasses perched high on his mustard colored nose. "You should come down and see us play tomorrow night down at 'The Dentist's Drill,' 34th and 8th, 8:30. He'll be there. When we start the encore, move to the back of the club. When we finish, get to the back entrance as fast as you can."

     "What's his name?" she asked.

     "I don't know. Call him Animal. It works for everybody else." With that, the short green man walked off, maybe going after Animal, maybe not. She didn't know. Animal just kept running down the block.

II.

     She couldn't believe Jamie wouldn't go. Sure, it was less than a day's notice, but she had gone to her stupid fundraiser, and she wouldn't come to a concert? But Jamie had refused, and nothing was going to change that. So she was standing by herself in a packed club downtown, watching some guy with sunglasses and a green vest play songs that sounded like they belonged in Italian pornos. She had never come to a concert alone. She felt very isolated from everyone else. The opening band finished up, and the time in-between bands was even more uncomfortable. Someone's fur was in her face, and every minute or so someone would elbow her in the ribs. Several times she thought about leaving. She was standing alone in a club on account of someone she had just met, someone she wasn't even sure was interested in her. He had danced with her, but what did that mean? He had also run away at the end of the night. Maybe the little green man was just messing with her, just trying to get another person to come down to the club. Maybe there were a dozen other girls here just like her. She stood there, unsure of why she hadn't left yet when the band came out on stage. She recognized the little green man from the night before, he was holding a saxophone and talking softly with a man with a floppy purple tophat and a gold tooth. Animal came running out from behind the curtain a few seconds after everyone else, and ran all the way across the stage, up the opposite wall, before running back over to his drum kit and taking a seat. "ONE TWO THREE FOUR" he yelled, and the band launched into "Tenderly". She stood there transfixed for the next 87 minutes. The other members of the band were good, they played well and looked like they were enjoying themselves, but they were nothing like him. He was furious in his playing, his arms whipping around as he assaulted the drums with an incredible energy. When one song ended he would give the rest of the band 15 or 20 seconds before crying "ONE TWO THREE FOUR" again and plunging into another song. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She watched him play song after song without slowing down at all, his passion showing through every strike, every snap of his wrist. Eventually the man with the hat and the tooth leaned into the microphone and said "You guys have been great, thank you very much," and they all walked off the stage. She panicked for a second, afraid he was leaving. Then she remembered what the saxophone player had said, and she slowly moved towards the door. They came back out a few minutes later and played their encore, and it was even better than what they had just played. The man with the hat and the tooth got up, yelled "Thank you very much, goodnight!" and she was already out the door, running around the corner through the alley to the back of the club. She turned the corner just in time to see Animal coming out the back door.

     "Animal!"

      "WO-MAN!" She ran into him and bowled him over, and they tumbled to the ground. She leaned in and kissed him, and she could hear his foot pounding the ground behind her.

III.

     That night at the club was nine months ago, and since then they had become extraordinarily close. Living with Animal, being his girlfriend, it was just a slight departure from her previous relationships. For the first couple of weeks they had just done things that she thought he would want to do, like going snowboarding, things with room for him to let loose. That was fine with her, his energy was contagious and she really enjoyed herself when she was with him. But one night he came over and she asked him what he wanted to do, and all he said was "MO-VIE." She asked him if he was serious, and he said he was, so they went to the local indie theater and saw "Murderball." When she looked over at him during the movie she could see his knee shaking up and down, working off excess energy, but the movie held his attention and he enjoyed it. She learned that he didn't always have to be running around, as long as he wasn't bored. That was when their relationship really took off. She started traveling with him to gigs on the weekends, and they got to spend a lot of time in different cities when the band wasn't playing. They went to Renoir exhibits, ate at great restaurants, spent time in all kinds of public parks, and at night she would pack into crowded clubs with the rest of The Electric Mayhem's fans. She had gotten to know the band fairly early in their relationship, because they looked out for Animal and wanted to know what kind of a girl she was. She assumed they thought she was alright, because everyone was pretty friendly towards her. Dr. Teeth had even claimed that Animal seemed more relaxed when she was around, as if she added a touch of calm to his madness. She had said thanks, but it really bothered her when people mentioned 'his madness' or called him crazy. He wasn't crazy, he was just...Animal. There was no other way to put it. He was what he was and she loved him for it. Animal made her a completely different person. He had such a passion for life that she couldn't help but be caught up in his enthusiasm. She learned what it was like to be infatuated. And it wasn't just her, either. In his own way, he let her know how he felt. It wasn't uncommon for him to wake hear up early in the morning, yelling "WAKE UP! MISS YOU!" They spent all their spare time together, hanging all over each other like any other obnoxious couple.

     They were on a road trip now, albeit a short one. Electric Mayhem had a gig in New Haven the day after Thanksgiving, and since her parents lived in Glastonbury she figured this was as good a time as any for them to meet Animal. She was nervous about it, very nervous. She hadn't really dated very much when she was younger, and they had never met her previous boyfriends. But if worst came to worst, they would just leave early and go spend some time in New Haven. She was nervous, but not worried. Driving up through Connecticut she saw all the sights she remembered from growing up here, and she felt the same way she always did when she was here: Familiar, but not nostalgic. They drove down long roads through lots of trees, then there would be a small town with a pizza place, a bank, a run down building, and a chain store, and then just more trees. It was nice enough, but she didn't miss it. Things didn't change once she started got to Glastonbury either, just some houses, some she knew, some she didn't, but none she missed. She turned on to the street she grew up on and was sad to see that her neighbor had cut down the largest tree in their yard. She didn't know why she was sad about the tree, considering she didn't miss anything else. She pulled to a stop in front of her house. Animal looked around, then looked at her. "HY-DRANT."

     "Right," she said, and she drove the car 25 feet over to in front of her neighbor's house. How could she forget that there was a hydrant directly in front of the house? She shook her head and got out of the car. Animal got out and grabbed the bags from the trunk, and together they walked around to the back of the house. Her parents were both sitting in the kitchen waiting for them. She opened the door, took a deep breath, and said "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Animal." Her father immediately got up from the table and walked over.

     "My name's Frank, Animal, it's nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand, and Animal shook it with the same energy that he did everything else. Her father seemed taken back, but pleasantly surprised. "LIKE-WISE" Animal said. Her mother gave a soft "hello", and leaned back against the kitchen counter. Her father picked the bags up and walked inside to put them by the stairs. "How...how was the trip?" her mother asked.

      "It was fine. Not too much traffic," she answered. "Animal, this is my mother Susan." Animal stuck out his hand.

     "SU-SAN! PLEA-SURE!" Her mother returned the handshake, but it was hesitant. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her mother, but she decided to just let it slide and show Animal around the house. She showed him her old bedroom, and the den, where her father kept his 150 gallon aquarium. Animal leaned in close, and she saw a clownfish dart behind the reef. He let out a soft "ooooooh. Fish-y."

      "You like that, huh?" Her father had come up behind them without either of them noticing. "That's my pride and joy. Hard coral, soft coral, all kinds of fish and invertebrates. I've been working on it for about 3 years."

     "NICE!" Animal said.

     "You see that little orange bit right there? That's a new bit of sponge. Listen to me, bragging here." Animal looked at him quizzically and he added "Sponges are a sign of stable water and a healthy tank. But I'm not gonna bore you with all the details of my little Waterworld!" he laughed. "Hey, do you like football?"

"FOOT-BALL!"

      "I thought you might. The game's just starting." Animal tossed himself down on the couch, and her father sat down and turned on the game. She sat with them for a little while, listening to her father and Animal laugh over the Detroit Lions being destroyed. Eventually she realized that she hadn't spoken to her mother since she got there, so she got up to go see what she was up to. She found her in the kitchen, mashing potatoes. He mother's potatoes were always lumpy. The mixer she used was shorter than the bowl, so the potatoes on the bottom never got mashed enough. She leaned against the door and smiled as she watched he mother do things the same way she always had. Her mother eventually saw her standing there, and glanced back over her shoulder.

     "Oh."

      "Hi Mom."

     "Hello." Her mother didn't offer anything else, just a hello.

     "How are you, Mom? How's dad?"

     "Me? I'm fine, just fine. Your father's even better than I am. Just great." She was speaking quickly, punctuating her sentence by stabbing the potatoes. "How are you?"

     "Honestly, I'm doing really well. Work is going well, if uneventful, and Animal...Animal is amazing." She noticed her mother leaning into the potatoes, her arm flexing behind the mixer. "Is something wrong Mom?" Her mother glared at her. "Mom?"

     "How dare you!"

     "Mom?"

     "How dare you! That's who you bring home to meet your father and me? That's what you bring home?"

     "What? That's what I bring home?"

      "Well I'd use a proper term, but I don't know what the hell you're dating! What can I call him?"

     "Animal, Mom. His name is Animal. That's what you can call him. What's your problem with him, anyway?"

      "What's my problem? Where do I start? Why is his shirt ripped? Why is he always shouting? Why is he wearing a metal collar? What is he doing with my daughter? What is he? I don't know what he is!"

     "I told you before Mom, he's Animal. Okay? His shirt is ripped because that's the way he likes it. He's shouting because that's what he does. He's with your daughter because she loves him."

      "Oh!" her mother scoffed. "You love him, okay. That changes everything."

     "Where is this even coming from, Mom? You've never done this before."

      "We live in Glastonbury," her mother hissed. "It's never come up before!"

     "Goddamn it, Mom."

     "Goddamn it? That's lovely. Where did you learn that, from him?"

      "I don't know what to say, Mom." She shook her head and looked down.

      "Say this is all some kind of joke! Say you're sorry for bringing 'Animal' into my house!" Her mother's voice was raised now, and she was animated, swinging her hands about. "At the holidays! Without any warning! How could you do this to us?" The wires from her mother's hands swung around and caught a tin of cookies that was sitting on the counter. The tin crashed to the floor and skidded across the room. "Goddamn it."

     "Yeah. Goddamn it. And what do you mean, us? Dad doesn't have any problem with it!"

     "You think so, huh? Well, maybe your father is just being polite."

     "I honestly don't think so. He likes Animal, mom."

     "Don't say that. You don't know that. You haven't been married to him for 28 years. Okay? And besides, you can take up your father's thoughts on the matter with him whenever you want. You know how I feel."

     "Yeah, I do, but I wish I didn't. Why can't you understand how I feel and be happy for me?"

     "Because you're my little girl! Because you're my only little girl and you finally bring a boyfriend home and...and...it's that thing!"

     "Ohhhhhhh." Both their heads turned at the sound. Animal stood in the door to the kitchen, staring at both of them. She ran over to him.

      "Oh god, baby I'm sorry." She ran past him, hitting the stairs two at a time to get their bags. There was no reason to stick around where they weren't wanted. Animal just stood there staring at her mother. Her mother was unrepentant, glaring at Animal will all the animosity she could muster. Her father came into the room and looked between the two, confused as to what was going on. She came back down the stairs and grabbed Animal's hand, pulling him out the door behind her.

     "Honey?" her father called. "Where are you going? Where is she going?" He came out the front door, but she had already thrown the bags into the back seat and started the car. Animal jumped into the passenger's seat, and they were off before he had shut the door. She didn't say anything for a minute, she just stared at the road and tried not to cry.

      "I'm so sorry, baby. I don't know why she did that." She looked over at Animal, who shrugged at her. He held up a cherry pie, and she couldn't help but laugh. "You stole a pie?"

     "CHERRY!" She slowed the car a little. They had the rest of the weekend to enjoy, Animal was Animal, and she loved him.

IV.

     Four months later they broke up. Animal found a day circled on her calendar, their one year anniversary. If anyone was ever afraid of commitment, it was Animal. He packed his bags, and with one heartfelt "Sorr-y." he was gone. For a little while she was upset, but soon she realized that this was just part of Animal being Animal. She was sad, but she moved on. The weekend after he left her, Animal was playing at a little club in Chicago. He looked out at the audience, screamed "DI-ANE! DI-ANE!" and let loose a furious drum solo. He did not stop for 34 minutes.