Mayor Hagen
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"Monsters
are coming! Everyone stay out of the city!
Ok you can come back now.
Wait no go back!"
Male
Hyrule Town, HYRULE
Last Login:
5/9/2025 |
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| Mayor Hagen's
Interests |
| General
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Collecting
masks, chilling out at my lakeside cabin I MEAN RUNNING
HYRULE TOWN, singing new wave covers of Sinatra hits in German
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| Music
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Mae,
OAR |
| Movies
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The
Mask, the Old Grey Mayor, Midnight in the Garden Where I
Hide From Evil |
| Television
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Tom
Goes to the Mayor on Adult Swim. Here's a screen cap of my
favorite scene from it...
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| Books
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Mayor
of Casterbridge.
I didn't even know that counted as a town. Learn somethin' new
every day!
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| Mayor Hagen's
Details |
| Status: |
I
mayor may not be single. |
| Here
for: |
Meeting and greeting the wonderful common people of Hyrule! |
| Orientation: |
Crooked |
| Sign: |
Cancer |
| Smoke
/ Drink: |
Crack /
Wait I meant No for the first part! |
| Children: |
Are
precious & should not have to live in fear of sex offenders.
It's Hagen's law! |
| Occupation: |
Mayor
of Hyrule Town |
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Mayor Hagen is in your extended network
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| Mayor Hagen's
Latest Blog Entries |
Today I invited a
dead guy over to my twin brother, Wilford Brimley's house
for some of that Instant Quaker stuff he keeps raving about.
I figured it was an opportunity neither of us could pass
up, as everyone knows that mayors eat oats &
Poes eat oats.
( Add Comment )
Surely
the gods are mad at Hyrule Town. He's sending monster after
monster after monster, and it's destroying and putting stress
on this country. Surely they are not approving of our lack
of real estate. But surely he's upset about Black Hyrule,
also. We're not taking care of ourselves. We're not taking
care of our women, & we're not taking care of our children,
when you have a community where 70 percent of its children
are running around the place looking for imaginary tiny people
under no adult supervision. So we ask black Hylians: it's
time. It's time for us to come together. It's time for us
to rebuild Hyrule Town, the one that should be a chocolate
Hyrule Town. And I don't care what people are
saying Uptown or wherever they are. This town will be chocolate
at the end of the day. Which I guess is whenever you beat the game,
because son of a bitch I have never seen that sun set over
the town.
( Add Comment )
Shut up I have a rare pigment disease. Shut up.
( Add Comment ) |
| Mayor Hagen's
Blurbs |
About me:
"Hylian?" I ain't "Hylian." I am a...
a
shimmering, glowing
star in the governmental firmament!
To tell you the truth, being the Mayor of Hyrule Town
is like being the Mayor of Washington, D.C. Except I
have never heard of "Washington, D.C.", as I live in
Hyrule and not in the Real World.
Has it ever bothered you when, in cartoons like Mario
& Captain N, they'd refer to it as the "Real World"?
Are they negating their own existence, or perhaps confirming
that they're mere hallucinations or even a dream? Yes,
we live in the Imaginary World. Hyrule is the capital
of the number i. This is why Nintendo copies all their
hardware designs off of Apple. |
Who I'd like to meet:
I want to meet you... the real you. The person behind the
mask. The person who's 2 inches tall & will give
me a pointless tip that I probably would've figured out
if I'd just run around a little while longer.
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Mayor Hagen's Friend Space
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| Mayor Hagen's
Friends Comments |
| Displaying 4 of 4
comments |
Link
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May 8, 2025 12:00 PM
Heh, chocolate city, eh? Good luck finding anybody
in Hyrule who isn't white.
Ok and there might be a few Asian people. It's hard
to tell when everybody's eyes are like four pixels
total. |
Shadow
Link
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May 9, 2025 7:24 AM
Oh hey, fuck you too, buddy! |
Link
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May 9, 2025 7:26 AM
Shut up I posted that at noon, when you didn't exist.
/kneels in the corner & stabs you in the foot |
Gen
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May 9, 2025 5:46 PM
Yes
...
Yes, can I help you? |
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| Add Comment |
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