"What does it feel like to be [age]?" We all ask and are asked this question on an annual basis. It's a pretty banal question, right? There's no satisfactory answer for it. How does it feel to be 26? LOL I DON'T KNOW MAN HAHA
But as I've learned, the 30th birthday is different. It's a question I can actually answer! Here, in a series of bullet points, is what it feels like to be 30 years old.
- A worthless fucking old pile of shit
- Garbage, but better, because I will at least walk my haggard ass to the curb
- Fucking horrible as fuck
- Useless
- Two or three trillion cells that can't wait to be worm food
- The worst and oldest person in the entire world
- Pre-shit
- A rusty pipe some kid found in an abandoned warehouse and dropped halfway home because it wasn't that cool after all
- A copy of "Meet the Deedles" on HD-DVD
- Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking old
- God's weird uncle
Comments
I come here for the positive, upbeat content
happy birthday buddy! from one useless 30-year-old to another!
By Ryan Hudson on 09.25.12 1:14pm
Man you guys are old.
Shit I turn 30 in 10 days.
By Alfie Crow on 09.25.12 1:16pm
You look better
did you get an upgrade or something? the way you write looks nicer. I thought at 30 you were supposed to look like this:
By xmrblondex on 09.25.12 1:16pm
Job Bois
Farts dust
By beenplumb on 09.25.12 1:16pm
I turned 30 in December
Since then, I have been attacked by bees, kicked in the shin by a Strikeforce fighter and have not eaten at In ’n Out. Also, only one of those things are true.
Still, welcome to the club.
By Thomas Holzerman on 09.25.12 1:16pm
30s are great, welcome to the club!
While your body hurtles ever closer to death, find comfort in the fact that your brain is less likely to make stupid decisions that will kill you.
By mattufford on 09.25.12 1:23pm
When you turn 34, you can talk smack to the Son of God.
You have that to look forward to.
By Cledus Snow on 09.25.12 1:29pm
I turn 30 at the end of the year...
And I worry that I will never choose the right shirt for an occasion again.
By TCInternet on 09.25.12 1:30pm
As someone who turned 30 nearly a month ago,
and has worn a shirt every day since, I can tell you that it is still possible to pick the correct shirt.
For the first month, at least. After that, who knows.
By Mild Plaid on 09.25.12 2:36pm
As a person with 2 years of experience being 30
It gets better.
Seriously, its not so bad. Everyone freaks out about turning 30 (I did too) but, its really not that bad. One thing I learned, though, is that you really do have to do all those things people said you should be doing for your health, but didn’t do because “I’m in my 20’s and screw it man, being healthy is for squares”.
I’ll be worse when you hit 35 and have to start checking off the 35-45 demographic on surveys. Then you know marketer’s don’t give a crap about your opinion anymore.
By nKoan on 09.25.12 1:31pm
As a fellow 32 year old, the thirties are actually pretty good for the most part.
Turning 30 sucked and maybe being 30 kind of sucked depending on how much emphasis you put on being old. After that, it feels pretty good because you’re probably living the best part of your life since moving out of your parents. You house/apartment are probably better than in your twenties. You probably drive a nicer car than you were in your twenties. You probably make a little bit more money. You are probably in the most stable relationship you’ve been in and have kids. You definitely know yourself and what you want more than ever. Not all this is true for me personally, but most is and most is for my friends in my age group.
So, the crumby stuff is definitely outweighed by the good stuff. Enough that, should I live to 40, I expect I’ll probably think that’s better than my 30s (though I’ll probably still not actually like turning 40 itself).
By Sibley on 09.25.12 6:48pm
this is exactly what i was thinking
hope all my despair above properly came across as a joke to people, because i think your 30s have every reason to be better than your 20s. like you said, you’re probably more financially secure — or at least have more employable skills — than you used to. i know i do.
plus, you’re not as stupid. five or 10 years ago, i was STUPID.
By Jon Bois on 09.25.12 7:54pm
Just wait till you are in your 40s.
By Angy on 09.25.12 2:12pm
Oh God to be 30 again
What I wouldn’t give…
By Brock Sampson on 09.25.12 2:15pm
Also, happy birthday!
Don’t mind the grouch over here.
By Brock Sampson on 09.25.12 2:18pm
I'm only commenting really to check out the new SBNUnited system
But happy birthday, you old sack of bones.
By Swamp Thing on 09.25.12 2:32pm
30
A haphazard conglomeration of watery snot, dog hair and Irish whiskey.
By s1rweeze on 09.25.12 3:06pm
Sounds sexy
By James Brady on 09.25.12 7:05pm
30 is the new dead
By James Brady on 09.25.12 3:52pm
Happy birthday, Internet personality Jon Bois.
Enjoy watching CBS.
By smk73 on 09.25.12 3:56pm
Alex Trebek wants to tell you all about a special life insurance program just for people like you
Happy Birthday.
By Bro Namath on 09.25.12 7:06pm
I just turned 28
Neener neener neener. You can’t catch me, old man.
By CTapps on 09.26.12 12:22am
30? Young whippersnapper!
I’m officially “pushing 40.” Where do you think the “Uncle” came from in my username?
By Dustin George-Miller on 09.26.12 9:36am
Your sibling having kids, probably?
By Ben Daniels on 09.26.12 9:37am
Well, that too.
By Dustin George-Miller on 09.26.12 10:51am