A Hypothetical Discussion

[Bismark]

[B]

[Greg]

I have much experience with beating up my sister over the years, who's ten years younger than me, and I always win even while holding back. There are a few things one most realize before fighting children, however.

1) Anything is a weapon. If the kids are wearing shoes, they will take off their shoes and sling them around at you. It won't hurt unless they get a lucky hit in the eye, but be prepared so that it doesn't throw you off your gaurd.

2) They bite. Hard. Most aren't smart enough to attack really sensitive spots, but they'll get your legs and arms and go all steel jaw. Don't let them get your hands, because a kid biting the flesh above a nuckle is one of the worst pains there is.

3) When attacking you, most of the girls will maky kitty noises. Do not be confused, they are not really cats.

With those tips in mind, you can hold out at least ten hours or so.
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[Potamus]

How much does a typical six year old weigh, because I can chuck hay bales all day. Besides, why don't I get to be in the running? I'm a 6'1" 285 lb ex-Marine, and I swim to stay in shape.


Edit: It's kinda funny how they put the "m" and "n" next to each other.
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Let me know when Ashley Olson is dead.

[SundownMotel]

You can swin all you want, Potamus. It takes more than made-up words to get in the running around here.
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And this is a promise, because this is true. This is real. This is Straight Edge.

[McFly]

Can 6 year olds even hit hard enough to knock you unconscious? It seems to me the only way you could lose was if you passed out from exhaustion or from blood loss from them biting you. With that in mind, I imagine you could take out very many. Although, I'm not sure how easy it is knock a kid out.

[Adam]

I'll set the average 6 year old weight at around 35-40 lbs.
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[Wooderson]

All you have to do is knock out one and then use him as a melee weapon. Think Davy Crockett at the Alamo.

[Nick]

[endlessmike]

i am very good at stories and games and entertaining 6 year olds. so i would deal with them that way. if they are really horrible, solution 2 would be to set them on each other with rumors and lies.

i am so not knocking a 6 year old unconscious, even hypothetically.

[White Panther]

Don't forget that you can use their limbs as weapons too. A quick jerk should let a young leg loose for use as a club (bonus if the shoe is still attached to the business end.) The shattered ends of broken bones can be used as stabbing weapons.
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[Mike]

What I lack in strength & speed I've always made up for in durability, so it'd take a good number of Danger Room kiddies (because otherwise this is the worst thread I have ever read you fucks) to bring me down & make me stay there.

I'd say at least 20, for starters, provided that I'm allowed to throw them into walls.
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[Sami]

I'd say only 5 or 6, honestly. I probably only weigh around twice as much as the average six year old.

I think I could take on more if they were all girls though. Girls have thinner bones.




Edited for spelling. Bah.
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Friction.

[Brokenlamp]

They will use their teeth and claws, and they will go for the eyes. The little bastards fight dirty. I suggest using your teeth and claws and going for their eyes. Fire with fire.

I dont think submissions are a good tactic against a swarm of them. Cause even if its only a few seconds long, its enough time for them to dogpile on you. Which means they will soon be biting your sack and clawing at your eyes.

[Daygan]

6 year olds sometimes have the tendency to be horribly cute so I'd probably give up after 3 or 4. But if they hold me down and start doing knee drops on my face I might get a little more motivated.
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Mrs. Needler: You ruin every 4th of July.
Mr. Needler: YOU RUIN THE 4TH OF EVERYTHING!!!

[B]

[SundownMotel]

I would probably initially employ my previously-discussed "kick the shit out of everything" until I have (around the good stuff) created a perimeter whereby I can start making low, sweeping, brutal lariats with both arms, not unlike that of Daniel Laruso's "drum technique" from Karate Kid II the motion picture. If this proved ineffective, I would grab a head in each hand and bring them fucks together. I could do that all. day. long. And then I could pick up White Panther and give him a fastball special! Thomas Haden Church
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And this is a promise, because this is true. This is real. This is Straight Edge.

[Sami]

I was thinking I would grab one by the legs and swing him around into the other ones.

This sounds a little unrealistic, though.
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Friction.

[Kirbyoto]

I would punch them and they would explode because I have the Fist of the North Star. And they would set off reactions and soon all the world's children would perish.

But yeah, you guys with your fancy punches and kicks and wrestling moves are no match for the power of a good set of chompers and the vulnerable throat of a six year old.

Okay, yeah, I'm done with this thread. I need a shower.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN?????

[B]

Signature changed to reflect how much I love this thread.

Sami, we already discussed the swinging around of a child. The child does weigh between 50-60 pounds on average, so unless you've got a lot of upper-body strength (which, no offense, you don't look like you have a hell of a lot of) it would make it difficult. Plus the swinging would just tire you out unnecessarily, and throwing one kid into another is just going to hurt them, not kill them.

The best way to take out the kids is with concentrated hand and foot shots.
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