Random Impact thoughts

[SundownMotel]

Since RAW blew ass this week and no one really cares about it any more anyway, I thought I'd post my thoughts about last week's Impact, since people care about that even less.

- Okay, so Shannon Moore is the Prince of Punk, right? So his entrance music is "Chicken Huntin'" by Insane Clown Posse. Because I guess nothing is more punk than ICP.

- Donovan Morgan and Michael Modest get flown in for a one-off "joke" that they don't even elaborate on as La Migra, taking on the Latin American Exchange (or Express or whatever the fuck). Interestingly enough, that isn't even what pisses me off about the whole situation. It's the fact that they Morgan and Modest went to the trouble of dressing up like park rangers (which I suppose is meant to emulate the Border Patrol) for the thirty second squash, and they add a random third jobber who doesn't look like he's even affiliated with them in order to make it three-on-three. The kicker is that KONNAN DIDN'T EVEN GET IN THE FUCKING RING during the match. What the hell? Konnan really has so much heat that no one will believe a Homicide/Mah-shet-tay squash if he isn't standing on the apron? Go to fucking hell, TNA.

- Larry Zbysko is worthless and needs to be let go, or at the very least they need to get a new GM or Commissioner or whatever the hell he's supposed to be. He's a bumbling "nice-guy" or he's a "hard-ass" or he's whatever the script wants him to try and be, but regardless of what role he's supposed to be filling, he's just a doofus in a Hawaiian shirt. It's like watching Tom Arnold try to be a wrestling GM.

- When the hell did Jay Lethal learn how to throw a punch? Good for him, especially now that he's getting this push. As long as TNA keeps him far, far away from a microphone, he will continue to get over with the same few hundred people who are always there.

- Roderick Strong either needs to go back to the long tights, get different boots, or get some upper-body definition. The SCSA boots look good on frighteningly few people.

- Austin Aries is surprisingly awesome at playing a character/gimmick. His mannerisms and facials in the ring are spot-on for the upstart heel who's trying to hard to have flair and an identifiable persona.

- I can't believe anyone, let alone the wrestling promotion that is trying to convince the world that they are new and exciting, are still referencing "Whazzup?"

- What the hell happened to Ron Killings? A couple years ago he was NWA world champion. Then he got shoved in a stable with Konnan and Road Dogg and now he's a haircut away from being fucking Steppin' Fetchit. It makes me sick, honestly.

- The fact that they're using Ultimate X as a copout way to get the belt off of Samoa Joe without him having to job isn't what irks me, provided me gets moved into the heavyweight division. It's the fact that it's yet ANOTHER three-way with Joe, Daniels, and Styles. These three should be in the heavyweight division anyway, and it would certainly spice things up a bit. TNA really has no fucking clue sometimes. They ostensibly have the heavyweight division and the X division, but really they have the heavyweight division, a slew of three-man stables, a bunch of boring tag teams, three guys who feud over the X Division belt, and then everyone else in the X Division, who have all been made to look like they can't hang with the three guys feuding with the belt so they don't even bother. The fact that they're bringing back the X Cup so that the cruisers have something to do while the belt for their division is tied up with three legitimate heavyweights sort of speaks to how scattershot the direction of the company is now. I know that X Division is not synonymous with Cruiserweights, but there's such a dichotomy there within the division that it's beginning to be glaring.
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And this is a promise, because this is true. This is real. This is Straight Edge.

[Jim]

You can enjoy Austin Aries for one more week. However, he and Roderick will be off of the next few shows because TNA is making an example out of them. They're being suspended for staying at the ROH show in Lake Grove, yet making it to Orlando on time. Awesome plan, TNA management. Drop two of the only X Division wrestlers (not names Styles, Daniels, or Joe) with some steam.
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[Rusty Cooledge]

I wish I watched Impact but I am never EVER home on Saturday at 10. I can honestly say I would watch it over Raw, guaranteed.

I've seen one or two episodes and I tend to follow it online, but actually getting to see it is a rarity.
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[pholby]

That's why they're moving it to Thursday nights at 9.
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"You're a pussy, Strong!"

"Woah woah woah."

[betholution]

I enjoyed Impact, mainly because I'm still riding the high of Against All Odds, which kicked at least three kinds of ass.

Random thoughts:

-What is this "wrestling license" you speak of, Konnan? Is it like getting a driver's license, where you have to take a test? And if so, how on earth did you manage to get one?

-I can't believe Jeff Jarrett had a chance to get rid of Jackie Gayda once and for all and decided to keep her around. He truly is the most evil of heels.
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That's Sandy Frink? What the hell was I thinking?

[pholby]

You get a wrestling license from the athletic commision. Seriously. Not all states require them, but many do. It took ROH about a year before they had a show in New York because all the workers had to get licensed. Other states even require a managers license. They held a show in Portland where one of the big draws was Tanya Harding (fresh off her kneecapping incident) managing the local heel, and she had to sit up on stage because in order to manage at ringside she needed a managing license, which she didn't have. I don't know what qualifications there are to getting either license, but they do exist.
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"You're a pussy, Strong!"

"Woah woah woah."

[Jordo]

I watched that ep of Impact, so here are my random thoughts:

- Larry Zbyszko is horrible. He looks like he should be the president of the Del Boca Vista retirement community, not a wrestling GM. He desperately needs to ditch the tropical shirts and put a suit on. He makes TNA look third-rate.

- I don't know who the fuck Bullet Bob Armstrong is. I take it he's BG James' father or something, and must be a "legend" of wrestling. I don't care. Go play Skipbo with Larry Zbyszko.

- Jarrett suddenly being out of the title picture makes me like him a bit more. He should be to Impact what JBL currently is to Smackdown. And that's it.

- Mike Tenay's tuxedo is like a size too big.

- I know Jackie Gayda is a horrible actress and wrestler, but TNA should just show her standing still for a few seconds every Impact. At least until I finish.

[Rusty Cooledge]

I guess that's why they call you a MINUTEMAN

the british are coming Thomas Haden Church wait fuck
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[kliq]

[betholution]

[B]

I still say Eric Young's new gimmick is that he's Andrew from Buffy.
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[Jim]

A-1 (why the fuck is this guy still around!?) is Clem... he's just not quite as wrinkly. Seriously, compare the faces.
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[betholution]

[baollis]

Evidently, Samoa Joe is quite a bit heavier than both Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles.

Also, Sting has a nice car.
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The Undertaker was hit by a very tall man and then he died.

[B]

[Justin]

Are there any rules or restrictions in TNA, because a "tag" match is just GUYS DOING MOVES AT RANDOM while the ref stands around holding his hands to his head and not knowing what to do.
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[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote]

[Rusty Cooledge]

WILL THE CABLES SUPPORT JOE CAN HE CLIMB THEM BAH GAWD

spoiler: yes
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[Jim]

That main event was lame as balls. I don't give a fuck about the Diamonds in the Rough. And I sure as shit don't care about the Dudleys.
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[betholution]

[SundownMotel]

- There was a sign on iMPACT! this week: DON WEST IS A GEM MINT TEN

- I care less and less about Chris Sabin every week, especially since he got that Yankee-y haircut and his only role in the company is winning meaningless three-way X Division matches every other week.

- Sonjay: just stop, okay? That's enough.

- Larry Zbysko: see above.
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And this is a promise, because this is true. This is real. This is Straight Edge.