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SamPer_Fi: all right big bear calm down a little big bear you got em, just throw strikes you got em |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: /throws down rosin bag in anger
/takes off glove
/throws down glove in anger
/takes off hat
/throws down hat in anger
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SamPer_Fi: I'm gonna pat you on the butt now big bear you just keep your head in the game and throw strikes and you got em |
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SamPer_Fi: shake it off big bear, Valdez got a hit and La Roche scored, but we're still in the game, shake it off big bear |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: /takes off jersey
/throws down jersey in anger
/takes off undershirt
/throws down undershirt in anger
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SamPer_Fi: I'm gonna grab your nuts and shake em around in the spirit of brotherhood big bear you just keep throwing strikes and you got em |
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SamPer_Fi: how you feelin big bear, you gave up that single to Kemp and that double to Abreu, you let me know how you feelin big bear you let me know how you feelin |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: /takes off shoes
/throws down shoes in anger
/takes off pants
/throws down pants in anger |
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SamPer_Fi: look at me big bear look at me, you keep throwing strikes and you got em, you watch for those signs now you hear me, Ramon's gonna get you through this |
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RazorRamon: one finger means fastball, two fingers means fastball, three fingers means fastball, four fingers means fastball
five fingers means throw a fastball and then I'll stand up and throw it into the outfield |
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SamPer_Fi: I'm gonna kiss that cheek now big bear you just keep throwing strikes |
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SamPer_Fi: okay bb you probably shouldn't have thrown a 108 mile an hour fastball into the stands but just let it slide big bear sometimes it's tough to pitch in nothing but your jock |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: /rips out chunks of own hair
/throws down hair in anger |
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RazorRamon: /holds up hand
throw the ball here |
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SamPer_Fi: that device Ramon is holding up is prehensile part of the upper limb in humans and other primates consisting of the wrist, metacarpal area, fingers, and thumb
hold the baseball and then throw it toward that |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: /throws fastball toward Ramon Hernandez's hand at point blank range
/misses by a foot and a half |
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SamPer_Fi: god dammit big bear you just lodged a fastball upside Juan Pierre's eye socket, what is your major malfunction big bear |
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RazorRamon: I'm sorry that one was my badz I was waving my hand around behind Pierre's head |
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SamPer_Fi: what? why'd you do that |
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RazorRamon: /shrug I was just fucking around |
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SamPer_Fi: /glare |
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SamPer_Fi: All right, I called you both here for a very important reason. |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: are the fans shamed by my nude frame |
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RazorRamon: no man everyone who stuck around to watch you walk those 87 people in a row have been burned to death by the sun and are now just raisiny corpse lumps stuck to the bleachers |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: my badz |
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SamPer_Fi: No, seriously, listen to me. |
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SamPer_Fi: I love you guys. All of you. LOVE you. I always have. But I swear to God it blows my mind that grown men who are being paid millions and millions of dollars to play baseball cannot grasp the fundamentals necessary to win even a Pony League baseball game. |
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SamPer_Fi: THROW THE GOD DAMNED BALL ACROSS THE PLATE PLEASE
You are not Randy Johnson. Don't try to throw sliders on the corners and curve balls that end up in son-of-a-bitch Burkina Faso because you're pitching in the major league style |
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SamPer_Fi: Dear God, just please throw the ball across the plate. Once. PLEASE. Just throw it across the plate. You throw very hard and it may be difficult for the batter to hit. Or he'll hit in on the ground, and we can throw him out. Or he'll pop it up! |
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SamPer_Fi: sometimes you have to say fuck all to the percentages and play an actual baseball game to win a baseball game |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: badzzzzzz |
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SamPer_Fi: And Ramon. I LOVE YOU. Just please, please don't stand up and throw the ball into outer space every time you have it. Who do you think you are, Benito friggen Santiago? |
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SamPer_Fi: Just squat there and catch the ball when it comes to you. If you are having trouble catching the ball, practice catching the ball so you can be GOOD AT CATCHING BECAUSE YOU ARE A CATCHER |
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SamPer_Fi: you know how those teen girl gymnasts sacrifice normal lives and childhoods and healthy human bodies to practice gymnastics all day, and do 40,000 vaults every hour of every day for like 7 years
and then they get in a competition and have to do ONE VAULT and fuck it up royally |
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SamPer_Fi: that is what you guys have done for the last 10 years |
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SamPer_Fi: just please throw the ball and catch the ball properly |
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RazorRamon: you got it dude |
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SamPer_Fi: okay you are eating the baseball |
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If_Anything_I_Could_Say_That_
This_Cabrera: thorry big bayer |
