| When I wrote my little parody of "the
scene," I thought it was pretty obvious that I was writing in an
exaggerated version of the the "poseur mentality" that, ironically
enough, has come to be a staple in music-based subcultures. I was going
to put a disclaimer in, but I thought, "No. Nobody can be that stupid."
How wrong I was.
Since I have gotten a ridiculous amount of hate mail
for writing that stupid thing, I've decided to post some of the funniest
ones for you to point & laugh at. This is a very small portion of
the hate mail I've collected, but the rest of them all pretty much said
stuff like "hay fuk u punk is a way of lief," & other things
I already know because I've read them about a thousand times before in
every crappy fanzine ever.
| Linz writes:
this site sucks ass you cant label people they have there own dress
wear it wouldnt be theres if your telling them what to dress like
thats shit |
This was the first hate mail I ever received, & what
an honor to have the old man from the original Legend of Zelda browsing
my website! Unfortunately, instead of picking up on my satire, he just
bet me that I'd like to have more bombs.
| Pissed off guy writes:
dud your a big stupid poseur, your just another suberbian rich kid,
how could you devote a whole website to your stupid frigg'n self.
you seriously discussed me and give punk a bad name. and emo? there's
no such thing stupid, all music comes from some sort of emotion
which is what emo stands for. |
This is one of my favorites for the sole reason that
it contains the funniest spelling mistake I've ever seen. I seriously
discussed him. No, really. It was for a public speaking project.
| AnarchyPickle89 writes:
you are the biggest fucking poser i have ever wasted my time with.
you dont know the meaning of punk. christ punk is MUSIC not fucking
fashion godfuckit-your shoes are PINK if i ever meet you i will
beat the shit out of you. Ataris is an EMO band not punk you dumb
fuck, you want punk try lower class brats, exploited, casualties,
wait i bet you dont know who they are you poser, SLC Punk is my
favorite movie, but you dont go copy off of them you idiot. God
i hate you so fucking much your emo as a motherfucker and YOUR A
DAMN POSER! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET A LIFE! |
I like how she starts out by saying I'm wasting her time,
& then continues typing for another 5 sentences. How sweet. Also,
regardless of the fact that the shoes in question were actually red, lots
of male punks wear pink, so that argument doesn't work. Sure, punk is
about music, but I bet I know exactly how she dresses up to go to a Casualties
or Lower Class Brats show... like 80% of the rest of the audience.
| asdfdsafsadfsadfasfe writes:
u r soo gay shut the hell up
u have no idea what punk is
die |
This one got creative & wrote his in haiku. Apparently
typing like an AOL user who goes into chat rooms & uses bot programs
is punk rock now. Hey guys, don't miss Citizen Fish's new hit single,
"OMG PWNED!!1" Also, this guy, like so many after him, decided
not to include an email address, which means he's not man enough to back
up his comments. Therefore, I'm just going to have to regard everything
he says as the opposite of truth. So that means asdfdsafsadfsadfasfe thinks
I'm very heterosexual, he wants me to continue talking, he thinks I know
exactly what punk is, & he wishes me a long, prosperous life.
| Anarchist Matt writes:
Man, you are a very confused, sad little boy. And so are the people
who ever gave you the idea you were even remotely punk. Of course,
thats no problem if you arent. To be a Punk, you Have to be an outcast.
Dont buy brandname stuff. If something is ratty, and starting to
go (and heres proof you aint a punk) like your shoes, you should
wear em with pride!! if the seams come apart, toss on some safety
pins and tape. If both pairs of your shoes are falling apart, cannibalize
one into the other pair. Use one pair for spare parts. Same with
the shirts. And what you seem to be thinking as Emo, is... well,
half emo, but it sounds a lot more like MOD to me. look up mod.
A mod died a long time ago. back in the 50's i think.... neways,
thats just my incredibly super short definition of a punk. There
is a LOT more to it than that...but im tired...its 7 am, and i havent
slept in 2 days. I dont even know why.... |
For a guy who likes to put the word "Anarchist"
in front of his name, he sure likes to outline rules & regulations
on things.
| Jon Bon Jovi writes:
Uhh...You forgot Punks love men. I love men. Am i punk, or 80? |
What
| The Great One writes:
your a poser kid emo sucks and you know nothing about punk punk
is individuality not some fashion crap at hot topic for 50 dollars
or some crap its all crap you bloody moron |
I've never seen Wayne Gretzky so angry before. This one's
funny because the guy's email address contained the word loserkids,
the name of a clothing line owned by members of the band Blink-182. A
guy who named his email address after a clothing line is trying to tell
me that punk rock isn't about fashion.
| skakidjoe writes:
well if youmust no you are niether if your trying to be punk your
a poser
if you try to be any thing but you you are a poser i was named ska
kid i didnt give my self that name i dont dress like most ska ppl
i wear red chuk ts with a pair of emo glasses with my black hoodie
and hard core role but i was named ska kidyou dont pick who you
are you just are who you are |
Take a look at this: .
It's called a period. You should try using it sometime & put the punk
back in punctuation. But he was named Ska Kid. Also, "hard core role"
sounds like he's wearing something made out of stale, Italian bread. But
he was named Ska Kid. Have I mentioned that he was named Ska Kid?
| Ollie writes:
okay first of all, your sites funny, and that stuff about emos,
true true. and yea it makes me laugh.(hahahaha)
but the truth of the matter is, searching through google to find
punk wont get you anywhere. You cant explain punk or wat it looks
like, punk is whatever the wearer wants as long as it stands out
and is affective, as long as the wearer has his personality in it.
Punk is not leather jackets and save the trees stuff. Just lettin
you no, as google is very 1990's. good try tho.
you no, i dont have a wristwatch. does that make me a forest? |
"Hi! Your webpage is hilarious, I like when you made fun of the
way emo people dress and hey wait did you just say punk rock was about
fashion? God you're such a poseur!"
Wait, didn't Google start in '99? Calling Google '90s is like calling
the Mr. T Experience an 80s band.
| keith wrote:
You are a fucking fag you suck this is one of the worst web sites
i have ever seen. Take a shower once and a while. Fuck you you little
faggot. Alright i will talk to you later |
Ok. Call me.
| Thomas the Wank Engine
writes:
When you're friend comes up to you and says Hi emo boy, tell her
to cunt off and kick her in the flaps. Fuck her. Then, write 5 songs,
if more than 3 of them are about girls and love, and you need to
wear 2 wristbands and a tight black muscle shirt to sing em - you're
emo! If they're about beer and speed, and being ever so critical
of everything that is our fucked up world today - you're punk. How's
that for black and white, but it's true enough. |
This isn't hate mail. I just put it up because Tom plays
bass for a band called Frenzal
Rhomb that I happen to be a pretty big fan of, so this email was awesome.
| nate da fitty writes:
yo fuck you man you dont know what punk is punk is listenin to greatful
dead wearin ripped up shirts and eatin pork chops so until u do
that shit dont question our credibility motherfucker
up yours
-natedafitty |
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
| Stu, T, Cris an Bryan
joined forces to write:
We Found this VERY amusing as all you american people are shouting
at each other about how emo and punk you are and i have the answer,
You ALL ARE, (Sub Note, FANNIES) If I Lived Near You Ide Skull Fuck
You With My Haggis Och Aye The Nooo, WANKERS !!!!! O Yeh.... Im
No Done Yet.... And Why Are You Arguing Settle IT You Pussies Emo
An Punk Are both Dire. Metal Will Always Prevail And Your "Fashions"
All Belong In The Shitter Personally I Flush My Hands In The Toilet
With You And Your Lobotomised Cretins Of Friends And Family Now
Piss Off Before I Taunt You A 95 Time and Start On Your Politics
|
This one would have been a lot funnier if they didn't
throw in that misquoted Monty Python line at the end of it. And the fact
that it apparently took four people to write it. What's with all the initial
caps? Am I supposed to pretend Captain Kirk is reading it to me?
| RACHELE writes:
hi this is a girl named rachele and i so happened to come arcoss
your website while searching google for punk hair styles so i clicked
the picture and your website came up and i read your hole thing
on PUNK and EMO and i think that everything you said is completely
wrong and you are the biggest POSER that ever happened to be born
on this earth thank you,
RACHELE
O YEAH P.S. THE OFFSRPING ISNT PUNK
|
I wrote this one back.
Hi. This is a guy named Mike, & I so happened to write that article
as a blatant JOKE, & I really didn't think anyone would be STUPID
enough to think I was serious. How wrong I was. I just felt like making
fun of POSEURS who think punk is all about fashion. You know, the kind
who search GOOGLE for punk hair styles.
Thank you,
MIKE
Then she read this page again & wrote me back...
| RACHELE replys:
hi
this is the same girl named rachele, hello mike........ok well if
you expect a bunch a people to read your website and think you were
playing....
that was like the worst thing you could ever do.......and like the
fact that you said that umm hot topic was punk.............that
was such a smart thing, i left you my email why didnt you write
me on there? i would really like to hear from you. I really would
so please i will leave you my email agian so we can talk,and i wont
stop writing in your little guestbook thing untill you email me!
|
Basically, she checked this website before she checked
her email. It must be a new favorite of hers, seeing as how she thinks
I'm the biggest POSER ever born on this earth thank you. I emailed her
back again explaining that she should take a better look at things before
she goes around calling people names & making herself look stupid.
Again, she wrote me back.
| RACHELE replys:
why are you so mean |
Well, for starters, because you fucking sent me hate mail.
| paul wiseman writes:
uhhhhh..... including the movie slc punk in youre website wasnt
the best idea that movie is fucking stupid and mocks punks everywhere. |
Uhhhh... including the movie SLC Punk in my website was
a perfect idea for that very same reason.
| Chloe writes:
OMG! You are so stupid. You can't teach someone how to be punk.
God, what a fucking poser. Punk isn't your hair, your clothes, your
shoes, or the music you listen to, dumbass. Punk is a state of mind.
No one cares about your gay bleached jeans. You can't even pose
as a punk. Oooohhh wow HOT TOPIC!! IT'S LIKE THE PUNKEST STORE EVER!!!
Do you hear yourself? What a loser. Kid, you're a good writer and
you have a good way with words, but stick to what you know, sweetie.
|
"Chloe" was kind enough to include a link to her
website.
Here's an exerpt from that website:
Fave song(s):
Whoa, there's so many, well I like Hero by Enrique Iglesias, um......I
like that Angry American song by Toby Keith, and um...oh i love Nickelback's
songs and Somewhere out there by Our Lady Peace. I also like some of
Michele Branch's songs. (Has anyone else noticed that in EVERY single
picture of her, her eyes are like squinted and she has her mouth open?
Man, I want to slap her everytime I see it. It's like she's trying to
be some tough girl or something. Stupid idea.) I like that song Addicted
to you and that song by Black Eyed Peas with Justin Timberlake. I don't
like him that much but it's a really cool song. Let's see what else?
Gosh there's so many. I like all of them!!!
Either Chloe's arch enemy was protecting her own identity
by pretending she was Chloe, or her fake website is 10 times more elaborate
than my fake article.
I suppose there's a lesson in all this. While I may have
written a dramatization of how many idiots view music scenes, there is
a still a very big & popular misunderstanding of what these scenes
are really about. So next time you see some poor sap who thinks he can
get by just dressing the part, do the world a favor & help him learn
from his mistakes. After you beat him to a bloody pulp, I mean.
|
