I'm the Lyrical Xanga

inikamoze.diaryland.com
december 13, 2025

This is Inman Joseph Carruthers. Two years ago I buried Ini Kamoze. He was going to destroy me, Bo Jackson, and God only knows who else. I have not updated this journal because I was afraid. I feared myself, and what I'd become. Since my last entry I went back to teaching, and tried to put my social experiment out of my head. It doesn't matter what Bo knows. He's just a man who is good at sports. He is not the downfall of society. I know now that to worship an athlete, or a sports team is not to degrade your own intellect, but to fill your life with passion from whatever source you can get it. Athletes wouldn't make so much money if we didn't love them so much. Bo Jackson is not the athlete he was four years ago. As we speak, he's quietly fading out of our lives. These pro sportsman truly are the gladiators of our time. And though they don't die on our televisions, they die in our hearts. The death of their body is secondary to the death of their spirit. I thought that I was lucky to realize this before I was driven to something I couldn't undo.

I thought.

I am writing this, my last official entry, to let future readers know that I have to let Ini out just one more time. I don't know if, when all is said and done, Inman will still exist, but I have not lost hope. I wanted so much to be rid of this retched game. But the truth is that I've locked a very ugly part of myself in the attic of my mind, and now I must let him see the sun once more.

Because I've found what it is that Bo doesn't know.

So I am letting Ini out, and he's going to tell the world. If I don't return, I want to thank whomever finds this for taking this journey with me. I set out with good intentions, but in the end Bo Jackson was too much for me. I am sorry for any I may have hurt, and I'm sorry for what may happen when I put down this pen. God forgive me.

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