The 100 Most
Fly Bitches.
written by Jon, B, Justin, Mark, Emily, and
Jon Kyle Farnsworth - october 28 - 2003
Mark.
10. CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Famous for: The
holy Trinity.
Earns points for:
Dark hair, and being just old enough to have the M.I.L.F. quality.
Loses points for:
Never playing up her sexiness as much as she should.
9.
THANDIE NEWTON
Famous for:
Nothing. I’m one of three people who know who the fuck she is.
Earns points for:
Dark hair, and being a sexy black chick with a British accent. British accents
have the “Aaliyah Effect.”
Loses points for:
Looking like a heroin addict, which has the “Angelina Effect.”
8. PENELOPE CRUZ
Famous for:
Being Tom Cruise’s new love interest after Nicole Kidman.
Earns points for:
Having dark hair, and always acting cute and childish, while retaining the
perfect amount of maturity to still be a woman.
Loses points for:
Hooking up with Tom-fucking-Cruise.
7. MILLA JOVOVICH
Famous for:
Starring as Leeloo in “The Fifth Element.”
Earns points for:
Her gorgeous smile, her hypnotic eyes, being overall sexy, and almost always
getting topless.
Loses points for:
“Dazed & Confused.” Fuck hippies.
6. BJÖRK
Famous for:
Transforming into a cybernetic Coca-Cola bear in her “Hunter” video.
Earns points for:
Dark hair, sexy Asian-esque eyes, being cute, and having a voice that turns me
on.
Loses points for:
Wearing that fucking duck inner tube to the Oscars that one time.
5. FAMKE JANSSEN
Famous for:
Grabbing Pierce Brosnan by her legs and then moaning really loud in “Goldeneye.”
Earns points for:
“Goldeneye.” And reminding me of my Number One spot. And having dark hair.
And “Goldeneye.”
Loses points for:
“I Spy.”
4. AALIYAH
Famous for:
Making sweet, groovy music that that’s nice for groovin’ to.
Earns points for:
Having sultry eyes, awesome lips, and doing that thing with her dark hair
where she covers up half her face, both of which turn me to putty, a.k.a, the
“Aaliyah Effect.” Bonus points for always showing off her sexy ass fuckin’ abs,
and letting Timbaland in on the tracks.
Loses points for:
Dying.
3. GILLIAN ANDERSON
Famous for:
ScullyScullyScullyScully (haha, that’s a joke that only I get and you don’t. I
pwn.)
Earns points for:
Being the only redhead I’d kill to sex up, getting that sweet, sleek, sexy
haircut that curved around her face, and eventually always dressing sexy on “The
X-Files.”
Loses points for:
Not telling me that she got naked in "The Turning."
2. ZHANG ZIYI
Famous for: Her
lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.”
Earns points for:
Being young, being Asian, having dark hair, and being in one of the awesomest
movies ever, “Hero.”
Loses points for:
Almost always playing mean, bitchy cunts, which really kills my boner because
I’m not into the whole dominatrix thing.
1. GINA GERSHON
Famous for:
Being an unrealistically hot and sexy lesbian in “Bound.”
Earns points for:
Tempting me with her recent MAXIM shoot so hard that she stole the number one
spot from Zhang Ziyi, whom had remained undefeated since 2000. In her
interview, she was quoted saying, “I have a really long tongue. I had to have
speech therapy to learn how to swallow.” She also earns the automatic points
for having dark hair. I love you Gina Gershon.
Loses points for:
Putting a restraining order against me.
- Mark
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AIM: NihonJoseiGaSuki