After a series of mispicks including "today's lunch bill" and "crude sketch of a naked woman," Johnson was eventually tasked with the meager responsibility of churning out a product popular enough to reverse the company's recent misfortune. To really stress the importance of the job, a guideline of "something along the lines of the Super Bowl only with more common appeal" was written in the page margin. Johnson and his team spent months trying to solve their problem. They'd toil for hours pouring over a chalkboard rife with complex mathematical equations, wearing lab coats and making checks on clipboards. They'd perform scientific tests involving beakers, mice running through mazes and those cool dual-pylon things where electricity runs up the metal poles before zig-zagging at the top like in old black-&-white movies about science gone too far. With deadlines looming over their shoulders and one man pronounced legally dead, things were looking bleak. Johnson's answer wouldn't come from any science book, laboratory or specialist in the dark arts, however. While performing some routine yard work during a rare day away from the office, Johnson was accosted by a group of troublesome neighborhood kids looking to get revenge for a previous altercation involving Johnson insisting that they not play baseball so close to his property line. One of the children, an eight-year old by the name of Bobby Martin, took to Johnson's genitals with a board from his recently painted red fence. Three days and one removed testicle later, Johnson had reached his epiphany. |