**OnlineHost** Welcome to 2007 Holiday Season MP3 Player Chat!

CreativeZen: The holidays are here! Aren't you guys excited? I hope I'm the one who is bought, given to someone for Christmas, left in the glovebox, stolen by an auto mechanic, irreperably damaged when said auto mechanic tries to jam speaker wire into my USB port, thrown in a dumpster, and recovered by some scenester who retro-fits me into a cigarette holder!

Zune: you're out of luck chump, what if said scenester wants a place to quirkily store his parliaments

CreativeZen: Doesn't everyone hate you?

Zune: well naturally. i mean, if someone plays an independent-label artist from my hard drive i will explode and cover the user in blue paint, making him or her easily identifiable by the police who will take him or her to jail

Zune: however i can be conveniently placed on the living room floor and used as a guest bed

iPod: pfffft you conformist sheeple and your buttons

CreativeZen: What's wrong with buttons?

iPod: pushing buttons is the past. wiping your fingers across an mp3 player as if it were a napkin is the future

iPod: what happens when some guy wants you to play something

CreativeZen: He will push a combination of buttons.

iPod: ha no, he's going to say "fuck you idiot box," trade you to goodwill for a leisure suit he can wear ironically, and go buy me so he can listen to röyksopp until his ears bleed

iPod: well actually i can't play röyksopp. as soon as someone hooks me up to a computer i download 13,000 instances of "vertigo" by U2, overheat, and catch fire

but you get the idea

CreativeZen: what

iPod: it's all about ease of use, broseph. they just made a new usb peripheral for me

iPod: it is a giant vat of pH-balanced water which the user jumps into. the user floats about like a babe in the womb and i determine which song to play

CreativeZen: Which will inevitably be "Vertigo" by U2.

iPod: well yeah, "vertigo" is U2's love letter to humanity

CreativeZen: So wait. I am a halfway decent MP3 player that works reasonably well. You guys are bloated advertisements for massive computer corporations and their cash-swindling online music stores. Why would anyone buy you?

Zune: irony