Progressive Boink

[BeeJ]

B Genius, of Parma

[Rusty Cooledge]

Why should Hirsby be the only person to see the unintentional last chapter of what was planned to be my most ambitious angle? Beej should get to see it too.

-We see Beatrix sitting inside Rusty Cooledge’s locker room. Interesting. We know it’s his locker room on sight because, as always, it’s a white middle class suburban teenager’s dream loft. There’s the old rumble couch, the 60 inch television screen, the video game systems, caffeine-free RC Cola cans strewn about, so on. She is sitting comfortably on said couch, addressing the camera.

Beatrix: “Hey y’all. Investigative reporter Beatrix Kaufman here again, bunkered deep in blue-hair territory. I have a feeling one of the locals will be along shortly, so perhaps we better get ready.”

With a wink, she hops up and behind the couch. As if on cue, we hear the door lock click open and in walks Rusty Cooledge. He doesn’t notice us right away, as he strolls up to his couch and pauses before sitting down. He takes a deep breath before gingerly taking his seat, exhaling deeply once he gets settled. He starts absent-mindedly rubbing his knee before looking over and seeing the camera.

Rusty: “What the fu-“

Beatrix: “RUSTY CAN I GET AN INTERVIEW NOW”

Rusty screams and falls off the couch in response. Momentarily disoriented, he leans back on his elbows on the floor looking back and forth between Beatrix and the camera. He glances over his shoulder at the door, perhaps considering making a run for it.

Beatrix: “Rusty Cooledge, you have been dodging the ace interview girl of the PGA for several weeks now, could you please tell us why you are so afraid of getting asked the tough questions?”

Rusty gets to his feet, looking equal parts confused and defeated.

Rusty: “How did you even get in here?”

Beatrix: “A woman has her ways.”

Rusty: “How delightfully sexist. You can just go now.”

Beatrix: “Oh, not just yet. I had a few questions that the PGA Omniverse DEMANDS answers to.”

Rusty: “I had a few questions of my own. Like which janitor did you molest to get let in here.”

Beatrix approaches Rusty as he instinctually steps back, eyeing her warily.

Beatrix: “Rusty Cooledge, while we now have a better understanding of your relationship with the PGA and the AAPW, I would like to ask what Raijin meant by calling you a ‘bullet’. How precisely is that? Would you say you are as fast as a speeding bullet, or does the similarity extend to size?”

hahahah hooooly fucking shit. Speaking of bullets, that was a big gun right there. Rusty’s eyes go wide at his ex-girlfriend as he lives out one of my worst nightmares on live television. He recovers from the sick burn to reapply his smirk.

Rusty: “Beatrix, the common thread between me and a bullet is we both can blow your mind. But I don’t need to tell you that.”

Beatrix: “Apparently you did. And with that in mind, how does it feel being the pet of Shohei’s dog? After all, I’m sure when Raijin loses the world title, Commissioner Flores will at least consider throwing the baby out with the bath water as long as it means getting rid of you. Have you considered you may be packed up in a box with air holes and sent to Japan?”

I don’t know if Rusty’s considered it, but he’s got a face of granite at this particular moment.

Rusty: “I’m no man’s pet. And don’t get your hopes up, I have no plans of going to Japan full time. Nor… half time. That’s more up your alley, isn’t it?”

Emphasis on “half.” Beatrix groans at this. Rusty looks very satisfied.

Beatrix: “But you are here on the whims of a fully flamboyant Japanese man, correct? What if he tires of you? I don’t think you’ve thought this latest plan all the way through. Nevermind the fact you are right back where you were just 4 months ago, pathetically serving under a fascist you hate.”

Rusty: “You want to talk about pathetic!?”

Rusty’s face flashes red, but any blow-up we were about to bear witness to is kept under control as Beatrix just keeps smiling innocently.

Rusty: “…Clearly I’m doing what’s necessary to be back in the PGA. Me and Raijin have a mutually beneficial arrangement, and it works. He knows I’ll just walk if he starts trying to turn me into some subservient jackass like DumBo. I’m here by choice, not extortion. And I find the routine opportunities he offers to bust skulls very rewarding. But if he wants to keep me around, then he knows how this can and can’t work. And I do what I must to survive. That has never changed.”

Beatrix: “And you are at his beck and call, got it. It must be fun pretending you’re a mercenary. Meanwhile, you are well documented for only caring about winning the world title. How do you plan to win the world heavyweight title from your boss? What was the point of coming back at all with that goal firmly out of reach under current circumstances?”

Rusty just shakes his head, walks to the door, and holds it open.

Rusty: “This bores me. Interview over.”

Beatrix: [shrugs] “Fair enough.”

She walks up to the door, before turning and facing Rusty mere inches from his face.

Beatrix: “Don’t be a stranger now. I’ve got lots more questions for you.”

Rusty stares back blankly as Beatrix takes her leave. He sighs and puts his hands in his hoody pockets, before getting a perplexed look on his face. Rusty pulls out his right hand, and we see a slip of paper he doesn’t appear to recognize. His face turns expressionless, before looking up and noticing the camera still filming him. Some eye daggers cut us out.

[BeeJ]

SHIT

A WILD PGA SEGMENT APPEARS

This is very sad that no one else will ever get to read it. I've often considered posting the last segment Dave and I ever put together (because son of a bitch it's some of the best work we've ever done), but I'd want at least one person to say "yes i would like to read that" before I post it. Wouldn't want to kill the suspense for nothing, you know?! Wouldn't want to pull a Rusty.

[Rusty Cooledge]

Eh... I don't think I was going to get this angle over anyway. More than anyone else, Rusty Cooledge was put into a box where development and character nuance was ignored. I'm regretful I didn't get to at least make an honest try but, most of my attempts to do subtlty were ignored anyway and yelling every week NO DONT YOU SEE HERE LET ME EXPLAIN defeated the purpose.

[Rusty Cooledge]

oh, also, "yes i would like to read that"

[BeeJ]

Really? I always enjoyed the subtlety of Rusty's character. Just because we'd go WHERE IS THIS GOING, I DETECT TRICKS doesn't mean you had to actually answer. If anything, I think people (at least I) reacted like that to things to show that I was hooked into the story, not to actually pry out early explanations.

Anyway, Dave and I talked a while back about writing the rest of our angle up to and including the actual Cargado match, just to say we did... but it never actually happened. So I assume he won't mind that I'm posting this.

---
[after Penny wins her match]

Penny celebrates in the ring to her music, and gives us a genuine smile for like the first time in weeks. She heads over to the ropes and motions for something, and comes back with a microphone. The music dies down and Penelope takes a second to acknowledge the crowd with a nod before bringing the mic up to her lips.

/Tap tap tap

“Penny.”

/Tap tap tap

“Penny.”

/Tap tap tap

“Penny.”

P-Cav whirls around, trying to figure out where this voice is coming from. Her question is answered when the cheers turn into boos and Slyclops IX walks out onto the stage, tapping a microphone with his hand.

/Tap tap tap

Sly: “Penny.”

Penny stops in her tracks, then puts up both fists and sternly glares through the ropes in his direction.

/Tap tap tap

Sly: “Penny.”

/Tap tap tap

Sly: “Penn-”

Penny: “WHAT!?”

Sly: “Hey.”

A small percentage of the audience laughs at this, and so do I, though I imagine HelpfulKnight would look down on me if he were to ever read this. Slyclops returns an unsettling grin as he continues his walk down the ramp.

Sly: “Look, here’s the thing. I know I’ve been doing a lot to mess with your big brother lately, but I just want you to know something, Pen: I’m still paying attention. You’ve been having a hell of a month, trying to find someone to talk to, someone to whom you can just vent away all your problems and get back to focusing on what’s important, which is winning the Double-X Division Championship from Wandering Star at Charged Completely. I know that things have been rough, and it’d be nice to have a friend, so I’m here to tell you this...”

He walks in the ropes and looks straight at her.

Sly: “You don’t have to be alone. I’m right here.”

Penelope is beside herself at this suggestion, and is close enough to Sly’s microphone to yell out, “I don’t want anything to do with you now, go away!”

Sly: “What? Why? I can still help you train! You can trust me, Penny.”

Penny: “Oh, can I?! After the way you turned on Jack and Dawkins?!”

Sly: “Oh, that? Come on, that’s nothing. People go through this kind of thing all the time, and it’s not like I’m going to be facing Jack in a Tai Pei deathmatch, jeez. Get off your high horse.”

Penny: “MY high horse?!”

Slyclops chuckles and puts up his palms.

Sly: “Okay, okay, you’re right, I’m sorry. That didn’t make any sense. All I’m saying, Penelope, is that you need me.”

He slowly starts to circle widely around her as he spouts what comes next. She keeps her dukes up just in case, following him with her eyes.

Sly: “It’s true, you know. I heard that before last week, you tried working out with Pru and Brian, is that right? What is it... ‘Power Yoga’? The hell is that, anyway?”

Penny: “It’s a-”

Sly: “I don’t care. It wasn’t a Klops workout, and you know it.”

Boo, go the progressives in the audience.

Sly: “You have quite literally the most important match in your career coming your way, against the toughest opponent in the division, someone who hasn’t shown an inch of weakness pretty much ever. How do you plan on keeping up with her if you’re distracted by thinking that everything else in your life has already fallen apart, and on top of that you’re getting blown up five minutes in? You need to stay in shape, girl, and if there’s only one person in your life who can help you do that, you’re looking at him. And I know, I know, we’ve spent enough time together already that you can put together a solid gym workout on your own with no problems. We both know that. But what about in the ring? What about your technique? Wouldn’t it be nice if you had some unexpected weapons at your disposal to throw at Wandering Star?”

Penny says nothing and kind of lowers her mic.

Sly: “And heck, while we’re at it, you can keep me sharp too! Think about it, if you don’t want Jack to end up in a hospital bed right next to Dawkins, wouldn’t it be best if I kept it clean with him? And wouldn’t I be more likely to do that if I was at the top of my game and didn’t need to, let’s say, shatter his patella with a foreign object? I’m sure you could see the value in that. And we’ve always had fun in the gym together anyway, haven’t we? We’ve always enjoyed sparring, exchanging holds, rolling around together...”

He lines up RIGHT behind her, less than an inch between the two of them, and lowers his head to her ear.

Sly: “You see, Penny... You and I need each other. Don’t we?”

Penny takes a sharp, deep, shuttering breath, her lip quivering - but she stands still. Oh, Jesus.

Sly: “What do you say? I could show you some new... moves.”

He looks to the side and cocks an eyebrow.

Sly: “‘Course, it’s not like you haven’t seen most of them already anyway.”

The crowd goes WHOAAAA and Penny’s eyes grow wide as she immediately snaps around.

Penny: “What?! No, that has never...we-"

Sly: [aside to the camera] "Hey, Parker, guy, I'm sor-"

Penny: "You be quiet! That never happened, and you know it!”

Sly: “Uh, are you sure about that? Because everyone else already seems to think-”

Penny: “Well I don’t CARE what they think! I have never touched you like that before!”

Sly: “Ah, but you HAVE touched me.”

Penny: “That’s not-”

Sly: “-but hey, you want me to stop lying? You think we should be honest with each other? Let’s be honest. You’ve always wanted to, haven’t you?”

Ugh god, and he finishes that with a little wink and everything.

Penny: “Well, I...”

She trails off and looks at her feet. Aw, her face is beet red.

Sly: “See? You don’t want us to fight. We can all still be friends.”

Penny: “No!"

Sly just casually shrugs as if to say 'why not?' and Penny starts pacing around, even more agitated.

Penny: "Then, why hurt Dawkins like you did?! Why are you fighting Jack?”

Sly: “That’s for another time, but believe me. It has nothing to do with you.”

Penny: “It has everything to do with me! Jack is my brother-”

Sly: “Technically, he’s only your half-brother.”

Frustrated, she stomps on the mat.

Penny: “Ugh, do you know what?! Sly, just forget it! I don't care anymore. You’re just a sore loser with an attitude problem and you don’t know how to be a good friend to anyone! And you are a LIAR. So just leave me alone, you jerk!”

She throws her mic down and whips around to leave, but Slyclops grabs her by the arm and bends it back, locking her in place. Oh oh. He drops the microphone and looms over her, a devilish smile growing across his face. Penny is yelling out, “You’re hurting me,” but Sly ignores her pleas, looking to the crowd as they rain their disapproval upon him. He wiggles his eyebrows briefly and turns back toward her, going in for - well, I don’t know what he was going for, but Penny takes advantage of the shift in positioning to roundhouse kick him right in the neck! Jeez, there was some snap to that! Sly whirls back toward the corner in pain, clutching the spot and wincing, but after a brief moment of recovery, he starts laughing to himself, wagging his index finger in the air as if he’s about to say something... and as he turns around to respond, his eyes hilariously bug out in rage because Penny’s already sprinted halfway up the ramp!

Sly makes the facial equivalent of “oh hell no” and slides under the ropes, and sprints after her for a second before hitting the brakes. The camera quickly pans up, and while Penny is already behind the curtain, her brother Jack now stands tall on the top of the stage(!), glaring down at his upcoming opponent with eyes ablaze. Slyclops, for his part, returns the expression; his smiles and chuckles are but distant memories now. Neither man moves an inch while the crowd goes hot for the staredown, and Caesar takes this opportunity to remind us that this is the first time these two men have seen each other since the week after Remain Alive, but it seems like a lot has happened between them since then. Sandles then wonders out loud if Jack is going to physically take it to Slyclops right now for harassing his sister, and King answers that Cavendish has already vowed to keep things in the ring because he’s the better man, and it looks like he’s holding to that.

After an extended moment of waiting each other out, Jack holds up his right hand and makes the palm-backwards V with his two fingers. “Two weeks,” he says. Sly almost imperceptibly nods back. The staredown continues, taking us to commercial.

[Rusty Cooledge]

Haha, Slyclops was going to turn into Ben Roflsburger.

Well I'm glad to hear that anyhow. I wish I could finish my angle but, it doesn't work without the surroundings of full shows. OH WELL

[BeeJ]

wellllllllp

Dave and I could probably finish our angle since we had no plans to interact with anyone else before the PPV, but I'm sure it's never going to happen.

[AudeSapere]

drive to england and punch dave cuttle in the dick

[BeeJ]

We are already planning that this July.

No, seriously.

[BackLegFrontKick]

Genius/Brutal Promo and Genius v. Bunraku from the Lost Prime Time Wednesday

Brian Genius is backstage, putting on his wrist/fist/part of arm tape. Pru's sitting cross-legged on table, rocking back and forth and banging the back of her head on the wall.

Brian: "I mean, it's got to all be a front, right? I mean, are we supposed to buy that a couple strands of string are controlling these things? I mean, fiber-optic technology is nowhere near-"

Pru: "can't talk to penny, can't talk to penny, can't talk to penny, can't talk to penny..."

Genius glances over at her, takes off his shirt (gratuitous,) rolls it up and caaaasually puts it behind her head.

Pru: "can't talk to penny, can't talk to penny -"

Brian: "That... really can't be good for your he-

Brutal Chambers: "...Do you ever have a shirt on?"

Best entrance ever. Brian just kind of freezes, wide-eyed.

Brian: "...Sometimes."

Brutal Chambers doesn't roll his eyes, but I'm pretty sure that stone cold glare is his equivalent

Brutal: "Listen, I've got my reasons for teaming up with you-"

Brian: "-Still feeling bad about The Mall?"

Brutal: "No."

Brian: "Didn't think so, but it would have been nice."

Brutal: "-But I want to know why YOU want to team up with me."

Brian: "We both dislike John Abbott?"

Brutal: [tiger stare]

Brian: [sigh] "Okay, you know what? We are currently in a world where a spoiled brat like John Abbott gets to represent our company AND soil Buster Abbott's first title reign. Steven N. Stevens gets to leave wrestling due to minor permanent disfigurement. Ben Crane is a former two-time World Heavyweight Champion who did nothing to earn it and gets to leave every time he loses it. Slyclops IX, one of the few people that I respected in this company, just started attacking his friends and almost has me feeling bad for Jack Cavendish, of all people. Lester Jackson is allowed to add my friend to the list of people he's maimed and still manage to stay employed. Our World Heavyweight Champion Raijin Narukami won his belt by cheating, with help from RUSTY COOLEDGE, which means that Helm Konrad, a guy who INJURES PEOPLE ON PURPOSE because of some insane notion of righteousness gets to come back with the FANS' SYMPATHY ON HIS SIDE. Plus, The Mime's sidekick is a real butt."

Pru: "YES SHE IS."

Brian: "So what I'm saying is, I'm very sorry, but you don't even crack the top ten list of people that I can't stand any more."

Brutal: "Huh."

Brian: "Also, you could technically theorize that you stopped my match with Helm Konrad not because you hate me, but because you would have felt terrible if I got injured as badly as I did when I faced you at Crowning."

Brutal grimaces. Genius throws on his ring jacket.

Brian: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been challenged by a man who is either pulling an elaborate hoax on the Omniverse or is illegally experimenting on corpses and isn't behind bars."

Genius claps a less-than-thrilled Chambers on the shoulder and exits. Pru perks up a bit and hops off the table.

Pru: "It wasn't pretty, but we totes made him a better person. High five!"

Brutal leaves her hanging. She smoothly (pruthly) runs her high five hand through her hair to save face then hops off after Brian.

*****

Awright awright, the still-extremely-timely Party Poison fires up as we get ready for our second free TV Brian Genius singles match in like, three weeks. This is unheard of, unless you count all those Koala Bear Kid squash matches of yesteryear. They come out to a good reaction, because they fill so many god damn niches in the wrestling audience. Even the guys that are all "Pru's not that hot, I've dated better looking girls than her" (cough) can get behind Genius's ability to put together a hell of a match. I could expound on this, but

"Hey wait a minute, I thought he was the challenger, what is this" (also known as "Stained Glass Filth" brings out his opponent and affiliates - and it looks like the whole gang’s here: The Puppeteer, Lemont Jordan, and BOTH puppets. Genius doesn’t give away his reaction, but I can’t help but wonder if he should have convinced Brutal to stand at ringside for him. I mean, Pru’s good at what she does (I guess) but there’s a good chance she doesn’t even weigh as much as the Puppeteer, let alone anyone else in their little unholy family. Hopefully she’s been practicing her Defense Against the Dark Arts. The four (they really need a new stable name now that more than one person is a non-puppet) remain on the stage, with Puppeteer looking positively demented tonight. His hair alone makes me think the guy hasn’t showered in a couple days. He doesn’t waste much time before he raises the microphone I didn’t realize he was holding.

Puppeteer: [pointing at the ring] “Just who do you think you are, huh?!”

Genius looks blankly toward the crowd before softly pointing at himself and going “me?”

Puppeteer: “You think that you’re just big news, don’t you. The smartest man in the PGA, even though there’s someone else in this company WITH AN ACTUAL DOCTORATE!”

Pru tilts and scratches her head.

Puppeteer: “I’m talking about ME! The most brilliant scientist the wrestling world has ever seen! The Professor of Puppetry, the Inventor of Involuntarism, and - most relevant to this moment - the ORIGINAL Tag Team Champion! Do you really think that your prior successes mean anything in tag team wrestling? Well, do you?!”

Hahah, I think Genius starts to mouth “Well yeah,” but the Puppeteer continues.

Puppeteer: “No way! You have to be a unit! You and your partner must be of one mind, like my puppets. You may have tricked everyone else around here into thinking that you’re the backbone of this business, but I am still the Face of the PGA! You can’t just simply be handed a title shot. That kind of reward needs to be earned! You’ve gotta work for it! And no one’s worked more in this division than myself! So I talked to the lady in charge, and if my dear Bunraku defeats you tonight, then it just might be yours truly getting that championship match in Spain. I mean, she didn’t actually SAY that, but I’m smart! I can read people! It’s an old talent of mine, and believe me when I tell you that she was getting there!”

Brian rolls his eyes. Behind the Puppeteer, Lemont Jordan sort of shrugs and looks to the side.

Puppeteer: “Oh, what? What?! You think you’re just SO smart, don’t you?! Mr. “Intelligence”! Well, I’ve got even more news for you, buddy: You’re not the only one with intelligence. And now I’ve passed my intelligence down to my puppets! Or should I say, ARTIFICIAL intelligence? Bahaha, that's right, it's been a busy few weeks. But now look mom, no hands!”

With that, he spreads his palms out widely in front, showing that he’s not working any controls of any kind - and that’s when Bunraku hops in the air and does a front flip, and when he lands, he cartwheels down the ramp!

Puppeteer: “And now, whenever HE wants to, Mario Nyet will also strut his stuff!” Nyet actually LOOKS DIRECTLY AT THE PUPPETEER AND NODS (I swear to God they have never actually acted like they were acknowledging him before, because obviously), takes two steps forward, flexes his shoulders like Cat Gunsmith, then starts beating his chest - AND SPARKS FLY OUT OF HIS NECK AND HE COLLAPSES IN A HEAP. The Puppeteer looks MORTIFIED while Lemont scrambles to lift the lifeless puppet’s arm. After a couple seconds, the PT starts wigging out and the microphone lets us hear him yelling PICK HIM UP GET HIM OUT OF HERE, with Jordan responding I’M TRYING GIMME A BREAK Once Lemont has Nyet in position to carry him away, he turns to his boss for a moment and says something something “using the autopilot for emergencies,” but the now irritated doctor seems to shrug him off as he starts toward the ring. So uh, this should be a fun match!

Brian Genius [220 lbs, from Cleveland, OH] with Pru v. Bunraku [180 lbs, from The Puppeteer's Workshop] with The Puppeteer

Okay, we've got a soulless automaton (Bunraku,) an adorable bear (Pru,) and a handsome charismatic guy (Genius,) so expect this match to be pretty awesome for the first two thirds, then get kind of dark and inscrutable at the end. There's a brief two-on-two staredown in the ring, where Genius kind of mockingly/questioningly gives Puppeteer the 'piano hands' taunt. Puppeteer responds with 'look ma, no hands.' Pru responds with BEAR HANDS, which gets a small pop and makes the Puppeteer all indignant. "YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

As he exits the ring, Bunraku CHARGES at Brian Genius, which gets an EEP and an exit out of Pru and we're officially underway. Bunraku goes for a tieup, changes his mind, goes for a tieup again, backs away, goes in for another tieup, and Genius is able to take control and force an armbar out of it. This, of course, leads to a horrifying arm dislocation and an awesomely elaborate series of reversals where they keep rolling over, somersaulting, trying to get one up on each other and finally ends with Bunraku cartwheeling out of the knot they were tying each other into. That even got Pru to stand upright in attention, Dancer's Grace-Sense tingling. Puppeteer wanders over to her, so they're both facing the hard camera behind the ring, and tries to show off how he can do that right now, how impressive is this?! You don't hear what he's saying, as they're staying on the action in the ring, but I like to imagine it's something along the lines of "You like guys with brains? I'm a regular Taj Mowry!" Pru inches away slightly.

Meanwhile, oblivious to one Dr. Finkel, Bunraku has decided to take advantage of his escape by... walking directly into the turnbuckles and not turning around. Genius walks over to turn him back around - but he just turns around and keeps walking at the turnbuckle. He finally gives up and starts getting all muy thai on him, back turned or not, and takes control of the match for the next couple of minutes.

As Genius goes through his low-level signature moveset, we actually get a camera close enough to the managers to hear them.

Pru: "He's not doing very good."

Puppeteer: "HE'S LURING HIM INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY!"

Haha, why couldn't we just get these two on commentary? I ask at almost the exact time King Caesar drops in a ham-fisted "Who needs ARTIFICIAL intelligence when you've got the REAL THING?!" Way to pay attention to the opening promo, guy. Anyway, a Sweet Christmas (sleeper) drops Bunraku down to the mat and only gets a two. Bunraku gets up and just stands there twitching, so Genius SENDS BUNRAKU TO THE CORNER and the crowd starts buzzing because That Is What Brian Genius Does. He charges in for the springshot, grabs nothing as Bunraku dodges out of the way by handstanding on the side of the ropes, then doing some absolutely ridiculous aerobatics and manages to twist his body around and lock Genius in the TARANTULA. Whoa. Ronnie Lincoln comes over and asks Genius if he submits, which gets a loud "FIVE SECONDS. FIVE SECONDS!" yelled in his face. Suddenly realizing that he is terrible at his job, he gets Bunraku to release the illegal hold. As Genius drops to the mat on his knees shooting one hell of a look at Lincoln, Bunraku reaches over the ropes and starts CHOKE-DRAGGING him back to the corner as he slithers back up to the top turnbuckle and sets him up for the TINY DANCER. Genius fights back with a back elbow and managers to pull off a little Dancer's Grace of his own by somersaulting forward and up to his feet to get out of attack distance from his Puppet foe. Or, at least he thinks he does, because that is the point where he lets out the HORRIFYING ROBOT OWL NOISE and RUNS DOWN THE ROPE ACROSS THE RING AND KICKS GENIUS IN THE HEAD. A small HOLY SHIT erupts out of the crowd, which leads to Bunraku soullessly getting up and cocking his head to the side at Genius lying there on his back. He then flips Genius over onto his stomach. And doesn't do anything.

Getting his wits back about him, Genius manages to surprise Bunraku with a sudden STFD (complete with Pru raising her little fists above her head in markout triumph) and managing to lock in the Expert Dreamtwister! It's kind of close to the ropes, which you'd think would be the obvious out, but no, Bunraku's going to twist himself the fuck out of it with his doublejointedness and arrrrgh is that unsettling. He runs at Genius and does one of those "hey I'm going to twist myself around you eighty times then armdrag you" armdrags that sends Genius out of the ring right next to the two managers. He stares down at Genius as Puppeteer laughs and laughs and laughs about his accomplishments. (Pru: "BE NICE!") Brian gets up and ignores the cackling madman, only to suddenly tackle him out of the way because HERE COMES BUNRAKU WITH A BULLET TOPE OUT OF NOWHERE. But not hitting nowhere, because he just rammed himself head-first into the steel guardrail. arrrrrgh. PT's all "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" (he was saving you from your godless abomination,) but Genius is just staring aghast at the pile of limbs that used to be Bunraku. Okay, that's a horrible way to put it considering his backstory and the fact that this has literally happened to the guy. Sort-of guy. He's still all in one actual piece is what I'm saying. Which makes it all the more unsettling when he just slowly gets back up, Conky-twitches a few times, then just COMES AT GENIUS with a running knee lift, some unnervingly swift kicks and a hammerlock DDT on the outside. Genius is just a mess as Bunraku just lets his head fall backwards, then just kind of lets it loll around until he calmly adjusts it back into place. ugh I think he was making sure it didn't fall off. Pru lets a little shriek out, because she apparently shares my stance on J-horror in my wrestling.

Bunraku stares down Genius prone right next to the ring steps... a big running start and he DRIVES his foot right into Genius's skull against the STEEL. Kind of sloppy, but Brian's reeling. Bunraku rolls him back into the ring and just creepily slinks back onto the apron... he's stalking, waiting for Genius to get back to his feet, and when he does, his arms slowly crawl upward to the top rope - oh shit, oh shit, HE'S LOADING UP THE GUN. I can't remember if we've seen this since he was Yoshihiro Jin - Genius turns around, Bunraku springboards up to deliver the BULLET KNEE - BUT GENIUS MEETS HIM HALFWAY AT THE SECOND ROPE! OPPOSUM SPRINGSHOT! They FLY backward to the mat, Bunraku's head practically at ninety degrees; Genius scrambles and accordians him up - one! two! three!

Winner: Brian Genius [mid-rope springshot]

Genius collapses as the crowd goes RAAAAH and we get the absolutely deserved multiple angle replays of that god damned springshot. That's getting put into the PTW opening. Is he going to start pulling that out of nowhere in every part of the ringside area again, because I absolutely approve. We even get a brief shot of the boot to the head that looked sloppy, because Bunraku actually NEVER HIT HIM. Awesome. Both guys looked awesome there, and if Finkel gets his AI straight, Bunraku's going to be a hell of a force in the Junior's Cup. If that's even happening. Ruth Pru is in there to help Brian up and raise his hand, but he suddenly shoves her out of the way because MARIO NYET IS THERE AND JUST BULLDOZES HIM OVER. He's apparently stuck on "clubber" mode because The Puppets are now both just CLUBBERING THE SHIT OUT OF BRIAN GENIUS. The Puppeteer doesn't seem to know how he feels about this, but a manic little eye twitch and smile means that he's getting some kind of perverse enjoyment out of this. Pru's letting out her tiny-adorable "noooooooooooooo!" when suddenly BUNRAKU GETS FLIPPED OVER AND INSIDE OUT WITH A BRUTE FORCE. BRUTAL CHAMBERS IS IN THE RING. He starts laying in Brutal Chambers Punches(tm) on Nyet, allowing some distraction for Genius to fight back with some non-trademarked punches of his own, to the point where they're able to give each other a look and TOTALLY ELIMINATE NYET OUT OF THE RING. A slightly battle-damaged Lemont's back down at ringside to help The Puppeteer gather his forces back up. "I told you they weren't ready for that!," he says to a Puppeteer that probably isn't listening.

We cut back to a shot of Brutal, Pru, and Genius in the ring, which gets the appropriate "oh shit" hushed response, because come on. Pru, Pru, I don't care how long it's been, get on the OTHER side of Brian. We get a drawn-out moment of Genius getting back to his feet, sighing, taking a few steps over to Brutal... and extending THE HAND OF FRIENDSHIP. Brutal just gives him a look, then turns around and out of the ring and heads back up the rampway. Genius looks at his hand to see if it has cooties on it or whatever, puts his hands on his hips and looks to Pru for some kind of an answer. She just gives him this exaggerated "I dunno" frown with a shrug and raised eyebrows and don'tbreakcharacterbeforecommercialdon'tbreakcharacterbeforecommercial

[commercial (whew)]

[BackLegFrontKick]

Adventurer's Club/Puppets Feud Starter from The Lost Prime Time Wednesday

We're backstage in The Puppeteer's Workshop, where Lemont Jordan is alone, working at a computer. PGA: all about shattering stereotypes. Just then, he looks at another monitor on the table, then walks over to the door and opens it to find Basil Cadbury and Jak McPhee wearing headlamps, pickaxes above their heads, about to attack the door.

Lemont: "What the hell?"

The Adventurer's Club are frozen still, except for their eyes that dart back at each other and Jordan.

Jak: "Er, ah, Basil 'ere was 'opin ta catch a gawk at a Puppet."

Lemont: "...okay."

Jak: "...at's it?"

Basil: "Well... then this... appears to be a bit... excessive."

Lemont: "Yeah."

Basil finally lowers the pickaxe, spins it around in his hand, then leans on it jauntily.

Basil: "I was almost certain this was this was going to involve labyrinths and catacombs."

Lemont: "You thought that at every single arena we go to, The Puppeteer digs out a subterranean laboratory instead of just moving his stuff into an empty room?"

Jak: "Well, he DID always bring that, ah, rack-a-ma-jig everywhere..."

Basil: "I do suppose that that was more wishful thinking than logic on our part."

Lemont rolls his eyes and walks them over to the other side of the room, where Mario Nyet is lying lifeless on an examiner's table, with the little pads with wires coming out of them stuck to his head.

Lemont: "Here it is."

They all just kind of stare at him for a moment

Basil: "ah yes jolly good yes yes"

beat

Basil: [turning to Lemont] "So these are made from deceased corpses, then?"

Lemont: "That's the base of the process, yes. Of course, parts acquisition is a bit less, uh, illicit than in the Doc's early days."

Basil: "That's still a dreadful bit of business."

Lemont: "Well, it keeps me employed."

Basil: "So, you're on a bit of an... 'Evil Internship,' then?"

Lemont: "The term... 'mad' gets thrown around more, and, I don't know... that's a little easier to stomach for me? Does that make sense? The Doc's got some good ideas, even if he doesn't always present them well, and damned if I don't find it a fascinating subject anyway."

Basil: "Well, whatever helps you wake up in the morni- OH MY GREAT GOODNESS"

During their aside, the Koala Bear Kid poked Nyet with his finger in the background and has been getting throttled by the neck for about half of it

Jak: "ACK ACK ACK"

Basil :"BACK YOU FOUL BEAST"

Lemont: "I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD TOUCH, GUY"

Lemont rushes over the computer and starts furiously tapping keys as Basil tries to pry the puppet off of Jak's neck.

Basil: "We came here in good faith! Why are you doing this!?"

Lemont: "It's not supposed to be do- YOU CAME HERE WITH PICKAXES!"

Basil: "We weren't going to USE them on anyone!"

Jak: "CHOKING!"

We get a brief madcap bit of tussling where Basil whacks at Nyet with the non-pointy end of his pickaxe, busts a nearby (sugar) beaker over Nyet's head, then manages to finally pry his arms apart so he drops Jak to the ground.

Basil: "Are you okay, McPhee?"

Jak: "'s not an adventure without a few knicks an' at..."

Basil: "VERY GOOD!"

They pose like a team because Nyet is slowly getting up and unstoppable monster-ing towards them... then suddenly slumps over into a lifeless pile.

Lemont: "Finally got the override to work. We're still in beta testing, sorry about that."

Basil: "Sir, we came here on the best of terms, were assaulted without due cause, and then we were denied an ADVENTURE?!"

Jak: "...at's just bad form, mate."

Basil: "Bad form, Mister Jordan. Bad form. You take a good, long look at what you're doing here for Mister Puppeteer. And before you declare your work final... you'd better save the last test for us."

Lemont Jordan tries to come up with a retort before they leave, but instead he simply takes a good, long look at... the mess he's going to have to clean up.

[Dave]

I DIDN'T KNOW THESE HAD BEEN POSTED!!!

Amazing.

[BeeJ]

I had completely forgotten how big of a collaboration episode this was for me. This stuff is still so damn entertaining.

[Dave]

Man, all this stuff is so great.

The fact that FIRE GENERATION never had chance to be a force for very long is one of the worst things about the timing of when we stopped doing this, and Rusty being a member was a big part of why I was looking forward to that. This was an interesting segment, especially with Beatrix involved.

The Genius/Brutal/Pru segment was a good mixture of fun and just cool to see their interaction, and the Adventurer's Club trying to 'discover' the secret Puppet lair was hilarious.

The Genius/Bunraku match was AWESOME and makes me miss the PGA quite a lot. Great ending to the match too.

Oh and yeah, it's a shame that we stopped right before we got to publish that Sly/Penny segment because I really enjoyed working on that with the BeeJ. Sly was such a dick in that segment.

I wrote an Abbott Brothers/Plasma Kings match for that lost show, so I'll try and find it.

[A Link To The Matt]

I need to look up the last edition of the show to really remember what the next steps were. A lot of fun reading these guys