Progressive Boink

[Ed]

EELS UP INSIDE YA
FINDING AN ENTRANCE WHERE THEY CAN

EELS UP INSIDE YA
FINDING AN ENTRANCE WHERE THEY CAN

BORING THROUGH YOUR MIND
THROUGH YOUR TUMMY
THROUGH YOUR ANUS

EELS

"Do I look like a reasonable man to you, or a Peppermint Nightmare?"

[Hirsby]

PGA Primetime Wednesday!
live from the James White Civic Coliseum in Knoxville, Tennessee!

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
WINNER: Faustus Antlion
lol at the existence of this match. Unless Antlion will undo Stevens' programming and end up being PGA's saviour against the Zen Dungeon.


Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
WINNERS: Team APG
I hate, hate, hate voting against the Poison Souls, but APG just has too much momentum going for them at this point. Tiger Slayer is a goddamn beast who might literally be a one-man tag team, Whoomp Del Rio is a proverbial one-man tag team and a rising star, and Obando is the distinguished veteran. I'm just glad the Souls got a shot on the bigger stage rather than the fucking VIP Club. Question: if APG wins the tournament, could Whoomp's wish override his bet with Wandering Star and he can just wish himself on a date with her?


Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
WINNER: LBJ
Well, now we know Executioner is a decorated collegiate wrestler, amateur boxer and low-level MMA star. I'm sure that will help him against Lester Balaam Jackson! *tumbleweed* I'm voting against my own guy here, but Lester on a three-match losing streak just isn't possible. The 'Abbott gets DQed because he's so pissed off' angle is good, and frankly, pretty much any Jackson match that doesn't have a no-DQ stip is even money to end in a schmozz of some sort.


Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
WINNER: King Falcon
FINALLY I get to vote against this knob. When you get to hell Pulp, tell 'em Itchy...uh, Hirsby sent ya. The slow decimation of USA on PGA continues.


Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
WINNERS: Team AAPW
Up until this week's show, I was pretty much 95 percent set on voting Lucharesu.de as the clear-cut winners. Three PCs against one PC and one uber-sorta-NPC and a NPC just simply meant too much in L.DE's favour, especially since Konrad and Lucharesu both lost at the Grandest Stage and needed a pick-me-up. Hell, I voted Mammoth to win the Broadcast title last week as a pseudo-consolation for the seemingly inevitable vote I'd throw against him this time around. But nope, I'm going with AAPW in a MOTC. Why? That simple revelation of Jack Cavendish paying off the Guns instantly adds so much pathos to an Estate/AAPW tournament match that I can't wait to see it. It also causes a big racket in the brackets since otherwise, Lucharesu.de are the clear picks over the Estate (the Penny-Konrad disparity is just too immense), whereas an Estate/AAPW match is a total toss-up. Also, if Lucharesu go out now, it frees them up for the tag gauntlet and it furthers their temptation to Stevens' siren song. This is a great match. There is no wrong answer. Hell, to make it up to Lucharesu.de, let GANJU, Netico and Konrad all get Broadcast title shots over the next few weeks.

[Pronounced Bran-dun Ky-la]

and if I'm not mistaken, now it's 2-1 for Slyclops in head-to-head bouts.

Officially its 3-1.

- The vacuum incident (Sly won)
- The match with no ring (Sly won)
- Cargado grudge match (BOB won)
- Title match (Sly won)

But BOB's victory was on PPV, so SUCK ON THAT, incredible wrestler whom is our current champion!

[BeeJ]

Also Simon once said that Slyclops always loses to Brandon O'Brien. Clearly he doesn't get that there's a difference between "getting your royal ass kicked and being horribly humiliated in a public setting" and "losing".

And you know what, I was thinking there was another match in there... Now I remember. It was when Randy Maldonado punked out both of us. So thanks for this week's match, Dave!

[Ragingape]

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
Winner: Lucharesu.de

This one is really hard to call given this week. A huge part of me wants to give Mammoth his chance at Vengeance as soon as possible and get them through to TCE in the next round. But on the other hand I plan on voting against TCE because of everything that has happened. I think Lucharesu.de is a much better opponent for TCE given their history (don't forget Penny vs. Netico implications) and beyond.

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
Winner: Poison Souls

I wish I could've been around to vote for earlier matches to explain my thinking on the tournament. I think we should be voting for some surprise winners and not giving the most obvious matchups immediately. We booked pretty straightforward with the Mall and this is a chance to throw some wrenches in the works. I don't want ZD vs. GDA to be a predetermined final. I want to see some different faces move on and new matchups happening. Also, Tiger Slayer is a monster but probably not the most trustworthy partner given that he has no reason to side with Whoomp. The team is all over the place but the Souls are of one mind.

Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
Winner: LBJ

We have to let LBJ build back up to the monster to be feared, not that he isn't that anymore. Still, he could use a win over a legit opponent and this is that for sure. Executioner will still be a great competitor and a threat but he could still develop more and I'm not convinced any background makes you prepared for LBJ.

Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
Winner: King Falcon

Part of logic would dictate that Pulp goes over here if we want Team LLL to win the trios match. But screw that Falcon doesn't need to put over this bag of crap.

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
Winner: Faustus Antlion

I can't imagine a situation where I would vote for W.W. Efron.

[blacktoothgrin]

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
Winner: Team AAPW

This was a case of deciding which team needed the rub and which side needed more tension. Kang JumBo needs a win over Konrad so we are certain that such a thing could happen, and Lucharesu need to spend one more week as pandering faces before they turn heel on Konrad and abandon him like so many others have done. Segata needs a win because he needs to be further cemented as a top-notch Junior. This match exists soley to make Helm Konrad angry, and also to kickstart Lucharesu becoming Zen as fuck (which is going to be awesome).

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
Winner: Team APG

Big difference between 'predictable booking' and 'booking in a way which makes sense'. I've voted for some crazy shit before: ZZV over Genius, Rusty over Falcon, its not like I'm abject to weird shit happening. This makes sense because Tiger Slayer has been hyped as the scariest, baddest dude in the world and we need to see him fuck shit up. Also, I want to see Team APG versus Good Dudes Alliance because any context in which Zubaz goes against Whoomp is top dollar entertainment.

Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
Winner: Lester Balaam Jackson

I wouldn't be surprised if Lester causes incredible bodily harm to John, taking him out for a while and making him realise how serious pro wrestling can be.

Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
Winner: King Falcon

Not sure why this match is happening! But it will probably be awesome. I hate Pulp.

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
Winner: W.W. Efron

Faustus is gonna wish he was 17 Again, so that he would be unable to compete without consent of a parent or guardian in PGA and therefor unable to wrestle this match against the indomitable spirit of Efron, because it's Now Or Never for him and it's also A Night To Remember for him as this is his first match in a while. In fact, you can Bet On It that he's going to win.

[Dave]

What's the British finger?

What is an Armand Allmendinger?

I have no answer for this one.

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
Winner:Lucharesu.de

AAARGH this is so difficult. I keep changing my mind and will probably change it again, so I'm very open to any attempts to sway me to vote for Team AAPW. The AAPW team winning would be kind of awesome, and would do a lot to legitimise Segata (I don't think JumBo and Raijin really need any help at this point), and would make sense for them to take on the Estate in the next round, what with the recent 'Jack Cavendish is kind of a jerk' revelations. I would have no problem with them winning and JumBo trying to get his revenge against the Estate but....Lucharesu.de are fucking great. They beat the Puppets, remember?! Lucharesu are an incredible team, Konrad is Helm bloody Konrad, and they are a united team...which, judging by Raijin's leadership style, you might not always be able to say about AAPW. Also, I know this is just me being a mark because it would actually be interesting but I rally don't want Lucharesu.com to do what everyone else seems to expect them to do and join up with Stevens. THEY ARE THE CHILDREN'S HEROES. So I would like them to win this match so they believe in themselves a little bit more again (Helm Konrad promos are also good for this). Also, the Estate vs. Lucharesu was so fucking great that I want to see it again, even if adding Penny and Konrad seems to give a pretty clear advantage to Lucharesu.de. Again, this is the most difficult vote in the whole tournament so....my mind can be changed, maybe.

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
[i[Winner: Team APG[/i]

I do feel bad voting against the Poison Souls, but it just makes more sense for Team APG to win this one to me. The Souls are awesome and would be great in the tournament but they would be great in the gauntlet match too. Also, no offense to the Souls, I like them a lot but I have to admit that like 75% of that is how amazing Boomshika Debonair is. Whoomp Del Rio is well on his way to becoming a huge star, Tiger Slayer is a fucking terrifying monster of a man and old gabba Manuel Obando is pretty tough in his own right. Plus, yeah, the potential Whoomp vs. Zubaz is always good.

Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
Winner: Lester Balaam Jackson

Awesome, he's still going with "The Executioner" as a nickname. I almost voted for Abbott here, he's tough as hell and really, really angry but....he's up against Lester Balaam Jackson. Lester just almost took down the tag team champions by himself, and if Sleep is still running around with his knife, is probably going to be pretty furious himself. Abbott is good, but I'm not sure he has EVER experienced anything like LBJ before. I don't think Executioner is going to be compeltely overwhelmed or anything, but I still don't think he can take down LBJ yet. I'm going with Jackson, assuming the match even has a finish.

Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
Winner: King Falcon

I was going to vote for Pulp just so the big idiot got at least one vote but then I remembered how much I dislike Pulp and how much I like King Falcon. Also, if PGA isn't even booking Gunsmith himself that strongly, why would they bother doing it for Pulp? I'm going to enjoy seeing a huge Falcon Special though.

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
Winner: W.W. Efron

This could be the start of something new.

[GunsmithKitten]

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
Winner: Team AAPW

The heel turn for Gan and Internetico is pretty much already breathing down our necks. Maybe tonight, maybe next time, but either way, Konrad can't count on em.

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
Winner: Team APG

I'm sorry, anyone with "assassin" in their wrestling monicker strikes me as cursed unless their name is Hayabusa also. Still, Tiger Slayer looks to be the stuff of medieval bedtime stories. He'll carry this one.

Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
Winner: LBJ.

Beast vs. Beast, but Abbot isn't quite up to a monster of this caliber. Executioner will make a good showing and will make Lester work for it, but he'll learn that although the lost a touch of his invincible aura, Lester is still this promotion's boogeyman.

Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
Winner: King Falcon

Don't know that much about Pulp, frankley, but do know Falcon is due to be pushed back to superhero status and this is a good way to do it.

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
Winner: Faustus

Another head to mount on the Zen Dungeon's mantle, and not much more than that.

[GunsmithKitten]

"Do I look like a reasonable man to you, or a Peppermint Nightmare?"

Yea, yea, you knew the ripper when he was just a nipper....

[AudeSapere]

The best part of the Hitcher episode is his temporarily breaking character to be impressed with the proffered toy car. "I'm gonna play with this when I get home!"

I think the Estate still comes out of last week's Primetime looking reasonably strong. 1. You know that Jack is the kind of guy to strategize heavily against his opponents before every match. Dawkins comes off as a simple brute, but he showed against the Executioner that he certainly has at least a modicum of strategic ability. The Estate came in prepared to eviscerate noted weakling Griffin Dorff and instead found him replaced with a murderizing murder machine. That doubtlessly threw them off their game. 2. LBJ lost his title at Grandest Stage, and while he doesn't seem to particularly care about the title, I'm pretty sure that being elbowed in the maw with barbed wire would irritate pretty much anybody. Last week his attempted attack on Mama Abbott was thwarted by the Good Dudes. Whomever came in front of him next was going to feel that pent-up wrath, and the Estate happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. So essentially they were blindsided by an angry hillbilly lunatic they could hardly have anticipated, which I don't think makes them weak -- it makes them human beings, because pretty much anybody is gonna get their wig split in that situation.

[BeeJ]

PGA Primetime Wednesday!
live from the James White Civic Coliseum in Knoxville, Tennessee!

Also on this card
W.W. Efron vs. Faustus Antlion
WINNER: W.W. Efron
Fact: Faustus Antlion needs his staff.
Fact: If W.W. Efron has Faustus Antlion's staff, then Faustus Antlion will come back to PGA to get it.
Fact: Faustus Antlion coming back is good for business.


Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Team APG: Whoomp Del Rio, "Panamanian Assassin" Manuel Obando, and Tiger Slayer vs. The Poison Souls: Bobby Fatal, Mayhem, and Joyride with Boomshika Debonair and Maiden Black
WINNERS: Team APG
I really want to fight Tiger Slayer. Like, really really really really REALLY want to fight Tiger Slayer. Also, the other two guys hate Whoomp Del Rio, so it all works out. Also, it's funny, I love the Poison Souls, but only for Boomshika, who isn't even competing. I can't tell the three other guys apart (I think Joyride's the small one?). After the match, I plan on having sex with Maiden Black.

Challenge Match
Lester Balaam Jackson vs. "The Executioner" John Abbott
WINNER: LBJ
Yyyyyyyyeah, so, even without the mask, Executioner still has the story going of needing to be taught a lesson about what the PGA is all about. Is it weird to say that LBJ is part of PGA's identity? In a way, he has to be, at least in terms of how hard these guys are fighting. So anyway, we've obviously been waiting for Ex to face someone tough enough and violent enough to do so. If Lester Balaam Jackson can't do that, then John Abbott will never be humbled and his character will have been brought in to make us all look stupid. But come on, there's no way that'll happen. Think about it, he doesn't even know anything about Jackson! He's not doing any preparation, he's just gonna expect another Griffin Dorff or whoever.

Former World Champions Collide!
King Falcon vs. Pulp
WINNER: Pulp
I want to see Pulp get Falcon Specialed. I do not expect this to happen twice. We all make fun of Pulp and say he's fat and old and sloppy, but he was still Bam Bam Bigelow a while back, so I would expect him to receive a little more respect in the PGA world, especially from someone like Falcon. So assuming Pulp only gets beaten once, let's make it happen in the tournament so he gets eliminated. Also, King Falcon needs to stay in the tournament because...

Remain Alive Trios Tournament Round One Match
Lucharesu.de: "Berlin Iron Horse" Helm Konrad, GANJU, and Internetico vs. Team AAPW: Raijin Narukami, Segata Tsubaba, and Broadcast Champion "Mammoth" Kang JumBo
WINNERS: Lucharesu.de
TEAM LLL VS LUCHARESU.DE. I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH I WANT TO SEE THIS MATCH. That's the decision maker here.

Here's the thing. I love AAPW. Those guys are fucking awesome, all of them. Some of you might think of Segata Tsubaba as a jobber, but I don't. Every single person from Raijin Narukami's training bloodline is goddamned incredible. I have always thought this. And I've always been disappointed that they've never gotten particularly far as a unit. Someone gets injured, someone gets pissed at someone else, someone has to travel back to Japan... They never do as well as they should. And part of that is because B doesn't want to push his characters over everyone else's, and I respect that. But in the last few weeks, I was on the fence (still am) because I want them to get more recognition.

On the other hand, look at Lucharesu.de. I don't even think I need to explain why they deserve to go far, if not all the way, in this tournament. A final match of these three vs Team JACOB, for instance, would be really fucking cool. Helm Konrad is always a mainstay, and it kind of freaks me out that he could miss a PPV while being part of the active roster. Lucharesu have an intriguing story going right now, and I'm really not sure what the plan is, so I'm not going to base my vote on the idea that they're "supposed to" lose or any nonsense like that. These guys are one of the original PGA trios, and it's easy as that.

Now, of course, we get to last week. Suddenly AAPW's stock went up because JumBo won the title and rekindled the bond with Raijin. The most important thing, though, is obviously the revelation that Jack Cavendish ordered the attack on JumBo. So here's the thing: Do we let that fact alone determine that the Estate should face AAPW in Round 2? Maybe. My initial reaction was YES ABSOLUTELY but now I'm not so sure. That angle has been on the back burner for a LONG time, and I'm going to assume that a face-vs-mostlyface in our completely non-vetoed tournament is going to have a clean ending. I'm starting to think that this angle deserves more attention. It's there right now to make us lick our chops and REALLY want to see AAPW/Estate, but we can't let it end with only one match. And I know, I know, it could go on after the tournament. But again, I don't want this to be the only factor in my decision.

So I'm deciding to just ignore angles in this decision, because otherwise it's just far too complex, and again I don't know where it's all going. I'm keeping it simple. The really awesome match that I want to see is LLL vs Lucharesu.de. Think about it. Falcon vs Konrad. Serp vs Netico. Noise vs GANJU. It's one of the matches where the two teams are so far apart in the brackets right now, with so many obstacles, that you don't see it before seeing the possibility of all the Round 2 matches we might get. But if we were to actually set up this match, oh MAN how INCREDIBLE would it be!? And plus, hell, I'll throw in this one thing about angles: Internetico would find himself fighting Team LLL, in a clean, morally victorious fashion. It would be a really cool dynamic.

granted zen dungeon is gonna kill falcon's team but still