Progressive Boink

[Just!n]

points of interest:

a thing of mushrooms
marinate/marinade
"smoky" in reference to every flavor
the stove always being set to high
shrimpy water
pork=steak

[Wez]

Remove vegetables from pan ten minutes ago.

[Andy]

BEST PART:
"in the world of culinary, [sic]"

[Patrick]

i am a 20-year-old who just got his own place

will this help me

[Alan]

I love it. The running joke of marinate [sic] was my favorite.

[David]

There is a solid laugh or two in every paragraph or list of ingredients in this article. Repeated George Foreman grill use and 12-pack of Coke as a tenderizer are the funniest parts not mentioned all ready (thing of mushrooms).

[Natasha]

loooool this is SO good. kyle and i just read it while sitting in our staff room at work, and were laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe (kyle was Tearing Up) to several of the korean teachers' horror.

i would pull out quotes, but i'd just end up quoting the whole thing.

holy shit, i am so glad that you guys are writing again.

[Natasha]

- soy sauce in every recipe
- the guacamole ingredients
- "The juice from the mushrooms will give everything a smoky flavor."
- "If using American cheese it's probably best to tear up the slice into small triangles and sprinkle it in."
- "Turn stove all the way up. Take shrimp out of freezer and "flash-fry" it by putting them straight on the pan. This will seal the smoky flavor inside the shrimp."
- "Hamburger buns (hot dog buns will work if you're not picky about the shape)"

etc etc ETC

honestly one of my favourite things you've ever written, jon.

[Jon]

Thanks friends!

The marinate/marinade thing was inspired by 60% of recipes I look up on the Internet. For some reason people seem to have a really hard time with it.

As a whole, this was sort of a riff on myself when I got my first place at 19 (although this guy is like twenty times more retarded). I remember getting chuck steak or something, and I didn't season it, marinate it, or do anything else to it before just throwing it into my Foreman grill. I pretty much cooked it until it was gray through and through. I put it on a plate with a fork and a steak knife, but ended up just picking it up and chewing it. It was basically that scene in The Office where Michael tries to barbecue outside with a Foreman grill.

EDIT: the guacamole part is mostly a product of frustration; guacamole is like my favorite thing in the world and one of the easiest things to make, and i'm always astonished by how many people completely fuck it up.

[Nicholas]

hilarious

[A Link To The Matt]

Holy god, well done Jon.

The rice soup is amazing, another incredibly simple thing to make that people just screw up left and right.

Wonderful, I got many strange looks from the lunch room for being the guy at the one computer laying his head down on the desk and trying not to laugh loudly, but ending up looking like the guy having a seizure because Im shaking from holding the laughter in.