Progressive Boink

[Kyle]

Now we all know I have sown some wild oats in my time, but I am ready to take the plunge. Will you make me the happiest website writer in the world, Laura? (I had forgotten to mention I write for a website called Progressive Boink. Maybe you have heard of it? I am wearing sunglasses and thus I am cool.)

To mark the occasion, I have written you a rhythmic poem.

"This one was written for you"

My christian name is Kyle and I am here to say
I plan to marry you in a brand new way
I will fill the grand canyon with water, blue
So that you can go waterskiing in it.
And then I will say to you
"My lady fair, how do you do?"

I will freeze the ocean, cold as ice
Because rollerblading to Spain sure would be nice!
We can rollerblade across the ocean
Rollerblade wheels work by reducing friction to create forward motion

It is incomplete, as you can see, but you should marry me.

[Justin]

I am taking over this forum thread and using a picture to illustrate.


Hello Laura. Forget about these losers. You and I go back further and while Kyle may write for our site, I started it and I am not some creep like that Daniel character!

I wrote you some haiku to help you make up your mind, (like you needed it!)

Laura: a haiku

Laura should marry me
A happy couple we would be
Get married by the sea

Just reply here and let these other losers know you are getting married to a winner!

[Kyle]

I am a homosexual and enjoy the smell of other men's butts.

[Kyle]

Shoot! Wait, that was supposed to be an edit.

[Kyle]

How do i edit posts? Justin, help me.

[Justin]

You need to hit the edit button first. It is the one up in the corner.

[Kyle]

Is it the button that says "ipp" because that just brings me to some sort of computer codes that I don't understand.

Do I need to edit the entire page to edit one post? That is foolish!

[Justin]

No, you click the button next to "quote" that says "edit" on it.

[Justin]

It is right in the top corner of every post. How are you not seeing it?

[Kyle]

I'm sorry friend, I do not have the available time to chat. I need to take a shower and go to work! Please do me a favor and edit it for me.

[Justin]

Yes, I will.

I am a homosexual and enjoy the smell of other men's butts.

Oh no. I'm unable to figure out how to work the edit button as well.

[An Inconvenient Dan]

Laura, forget about them. I can make wonderful brownies. I don't have a song, but I made a heart out of macaroni that is glued onto paper.

[An Inconvenient Dan]

You had better be attractive.

[Mando]

Do not marry either of them! It is a trick!

[Daniel]

Laura should marry me because I do not have 53 posts already and I am not a nerd. If you were not able to tell, I was referring to Kyle.

[Mando]

The best choice would definitely be Daniel. He is very attractive to me.

[Kyle]

What are you talking about?

Michael Whittle, tell everyone how I am more handsome than Daniel.

[Justin]

Laura, this animated picture demonstrates that Kyle and Daniel are both inferior candidates for marriage:



Look at them. It does not look like they are in need of a woman.

[Kyle]

It is not homosexual in nature if your testes do not touch, (we have a device.)

[Mando]

Daniel's mouth is shut. How can he possibly perform fellatio when he appears to be miming it incorrectly?