Progressive Boink

[James]

zack "xaramun" copperburg - he was a goddamn jokester 24/7. when we went to see 300 some people behind us asked what movie it was. with a smug grin on his face and his arms crossed in front of his Silver Dragon's Dreams shirt - the one he wore when he won that 60-man LAN tournament in Dallas - he bellowed "THIS IS SPARTA!" i laughed so fuckin' hard i spit soda all over the keyboard i had been carrying

[Bismark]

Byron "Vu1tur3" Tisley. 13 years old and spent nine of them in prison for hacking into the Wal-Mart mainframe and doing his own price slashing. Was fluent in a Russian accent.

Georgie "Hall&" Otis. He developed his own method of communication through tiny bursts of electricty through exposed wires held under his tongue. Never really went anywhere with it because he was the only one crazy enough to try it. He breeds chinchillas.

Funk Tuesday. Yes, that's his real name. He rode a one-wheeled skateboard named "Baleen." He was a big deal in his native country because his birth put them on the map: he's the only human ever recorded to be born from an egg. He still has a bit of the shell on a necklace that he never takes off.

[Justin]

just remember that 7th is probably reading this and confusing ridicule for misguided acceptance.

[Bismark]

More than likely he's "reminded" of all these friends he once knew and remembering telling Kyle all about them back on W-D.

[James]

Adam "Micro$$$oft" Boldenmach - This dude hated Microsoft. We went in a CompUSA once and he freaked out when he hit the aisle that carried windows. Started biting the boxes and drooling on them; I think he had OCD or something. We'd have to calm him down by whispering "LINUX" over and over again or else he'd tear into those Micro$oft $heeple, and, heh, we couldn't afford the lawsuit. One time he found an Xbox 360 in the trash and did what any good programmer would - he hit it with a sledgehammer and peed on it. Heh, crazy bastard. I hope he's still Fightin' the Good Fight.

[James]

Winfred "L4Z3R_L1G|-|7" Winebago - Biggest fan of Laser Tag you ever saw. He'd spend what seemed like days in there, dukin' it out with parents takin' their kids for a fun summer day or teenagers just screwin' around. He showed no mercy. One time we went out for Slush Puppies and he picked cherry and then when he got it he demanded wild berry. What a fuckin' riot, am I right?

[Bismark]

Brodie "Vingernailz" Broderbund. This guy was a badass. He used to go to the zoo and toss the penguins sardines with staples shoved into them. One time me n' The Boys were driving back from a Mickie-D's run and saw him bolting down the street in the opposite direction with no less than 20 police dogs after him. He yelled to us "YOU GUYS BETTER NOT EAT MY FRIES!" We didn't, because we knew he'd be back. He finished the last one before it got cold.

[Bismark]

Bert "Disgusting Cheeseburger." No one knew his last name. I was pretty sure he was a she, though. Something about the way he/she typed had an unmistakable female touch. I called him out on it one night and got a coy "o rly" reply, complete with a name and address. Three bus rides and a taxi later, I arrived at the rendezvous point. The only thing left was the smell of carbon paper and Chanel number 5.

[Hanstock]

Nightdiver looks up in disbelief.

"Farty McCrablice? How the hell did you get here?"

The straggly newcomer cinches up his bolo tie and extends a hand down to Nightdiver. Nightdiver grabs it with his own calloused, strong, fingerless-gloved hand and gets hoisted up on top of the boxcar.

"Heh, they don't really call me that any more, old friend. These days I go by the name Suppress0r."

"Well, it doesn't matter what they call you, I'm glad to see you either way."

Nightdiver looks around the trainyard and sees the ninjas closing in, surrounding the boxcar atop which they stand. In seconds they would find the giant ladders welded to the sides of the car and scamper up.

"Now how the hell are we going to get out of here?"

Suppress0r adjusts the massive backpack of red cylinders strapped around him. He pats a control panel by his hand knowingly. He casts Nightdiver a look before flipping down his flip-down sunglasses.

"Now? Now we fly."

[James]

Ted "Axehead" Morbinson - Never saw a dude who loved Renaissance Festivals so much. He wouldn't dress up or anything, but one time he bought an axe, threw it at a bullseye the seller had on a nearby tree, and hit the board on the first try. That's when we knew he was a warrior to never be crossed.

[Bismark]

this is my favorite thread ever btw

[James]

Walter "MissyPants" Chevelen - Motherfuckin' Master of Disguise. He'd tell everyone on IRC that he was a GIRL. He could fool anyone, but one day someone asked for pics to prove it. He got flustered, and slipped up. It was the only time I've ever seen him crack, and when he left that chatroom, it was the last time any of us would ever see him (or HER?!?) again.

[Hanstock]

"Axehead, you crazy motherfucker! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Vingernailz screams in pain and clutches the stump where once dwelled his left hand. Blood spurts out through his fingers and gushes across the floor. Axehead cackles like a loon and yanks one of his hatchets free from the neck of one of the samurai guards.

"I'm doing what I have to do, 'Diver."

Nightdiver checks to make sure that Vampyre Kyller is taking care of Vingernailz before wheeling angrily on Axehead. He shove him up against the wall, his forearm against Axehead's throat.

"You ever get reckless like that again, and I'll have your ass!"

Axehead sneers at Nightdiver.

"Right. because you've never made a mistake."

Nightdiver stares at Axehead for a cold hard moment. He knows he's right.

[Kyle]

Terrel "Dildo Baggins" Harris - Black guy. Real credit to his race. Didn't like "bitches" and "bling" and all that crap. Could quote Holy Grail with the best of 'em and played electric guitar. He's the guy who first turned me on to anime (heh, you should've seen the shitfit he threw when I called it "Japanimation").

[Bismark]

Casey "Brawn0" Sontag hated snakes. So imagine his surprise when he discovered that his estranged parents were snake trainers with a travelling circus. He was taken from them by the state after he was used several times in an act referred to as "All In One Bite." That certainly explained his claustrophobia, as well.

[James]

Anne "Demon_Vixen" Salisbury - This foxy lady was the expert on Japanese culture. She could recite like sixty different words in Japanese that she picked up from old Japanimation videos and name more cultural references than I could count. Rice balls, fox demons, ninjas - she knew about 'em all like a goddamn encyclopedia. She had a suitcase that held all the fanfiction she had written; I think she probably could've written two or three books with that much content, but no, she stuck to her principles and distributed it free of charge. It's thanks to girls like her that anyone on the internet can read about how Vivi from FFIX and Ryu from Breath of Fire II had a secret, intense love. Her stories were absolute masterpieces, and those jokers on the Pulitzer committee don't know what they're missing.

[Kyle]

Ted "Nightmarez" Theoharis - Man, this guy had a screw loose. Or three. This nutjob used to say crap like, "If they were just going on a three hour tour, why the crap did the Howells pack so much?" One time, he supposedly dropped a deuce in the toilet tank (not the bowl) at a Ruby Tuesday's. Don't know if that's true or not.

[James]

Terry "Wolf_Heart" Mackenzie - This guy had the true Heart of the Beast. He was always communing with nature; I think he was like 1/16th Cherokee or something, so he had that Indian heritage to help him communicate with the spirits of the forests. Not a day went by that he wasn't wearing his Wolf Howling At The Blood Moon shirt, until one day he started wearing a full Wolf costume with the crotch cut out. He considered himself of a "Higher Breed" than regular humans and, heh, I think he was right. In this world there are wolves and sheep, and he was definitely a wolf.

[Bismark]

Mason "WooshieWooshie8" Wuxhi was a master of Photoshop. Put together this amazing set of photos allegedy taken when Britney Spears was giving birth. Real candid shit. He had all the tabloids on the hook for it, fighting each other for the winning bid. I don't know which one he sold to, but one hit the sweetspot when he offered to make the photos scratch & sniff. He ended up making a gif out of all of them later where Ackbar pops out of her cooter. I pissed every pair of pants I own when I saw that one.

[Justin]

Casey "ThndrDrgn" Polasky: The self-proclaimed "wild man" of our group. Whether it be "nailing" the life-sized moose at the putt putt range or switching the restroom signs at Fuddrucker's, you could always count on this guy to keep things interesting. Heh, I still remember the look on the face of the guy at the Dairy Queen after ThndrDrgn asked the counter help "exsqueeze me?" in response to whether he wanted chocolate, vanila or twist soft serve.