Progressive Boink

[Matt W]

PM via the devils butthole regarding those meeting things he used to host.

There really wa such a thing as BBS whores, believe it or not. They were like SysOp groupies. No shit, if you could draw crappy ANSI and set up Remote Access Professional, you were as good as gold in these chicks' pants.

One called herself Shadowchaser. She was hot in a Zooey Deschanel kinda way, thin, fair complected, long jet black hair, wore a cowboy hat with a long feather stuck in it. And she fucked just about every SysOp in the tri-state area. One thing people don't seem to realize is that BBS operators weren't your typical computer geeks. Most were anarchists and/or ex-punk rockers, anything but the stereotypical computer dorks you'd expect. The guy I mentioned, Nightdiver? He was a former professional boxer who ran his own music store. He got the name Nightdiver because he was also a professional scuba diver and made extra money breaking into golf courses at night, drudging their water traps for balls, then selling the golf balls back to the clubs.

Another one was named Breeze. Now she was definitely not your typical ugly computer chick. She was a former underwear model for JC Penneys. Natural redhead, by the way.

[Bismark]

Wasn't this exact thing posted in another thread once before?

[Justin]

that may very well be but

Now she was definitely not your typical ugly computer chick. She was a former underwear model for JC Penneys.

looooooooooooooooool

[Hanstock]

She was hot in a Zooey Deschanel kinda way

redundant

[Bismark]

The only thing that validates any of this is that he's not this creative.

[Hanstock]

fair complected

[James]

The guy I mentioned, Nightdiver?

this should only ever be said by a guy with beard stubble and a hard-eyed glare who his leaning against an old garage at one in the morning smoking a cigarette under the flickering light of orange municipal lamps

[Hanstock]

yes that is where 7th meets women

[emily]

yahoo personals

[Hanstock]

cupid.com presents a speed-dating event near you!

[the judo madonna]

i would have to imagine that a true anarchist would find the rigidly defined structure and order to a computer to be somewhat off-putting.

[James]

okay let's analyze this. 7th's friends are:

a slut who has sex with anarchist computer nerds
a guy who steals golf balls
natural redhead which probably means like carrot-colored

[Kyle]

now see, this is an instance where i don't doubt that every word is true, which makes it even funnier to me

this is my favorite:

a cowboy hat with a long feather stuck in it

[James]

yeah he is trying to exaggerate but his life is so horribly wretched that he just has to play up the horrid truth

he'd like to be all HE WAS AN EX NAVY SEAL but he has to be all HE STOLE GOLF BALLS FROM WATER TRAPS AND SOLD EM BACK

[Hanstock]

worst scam ever

(counting out bills) "Another batch of our golf balls to sell back to us, eh? HOW DO YOU DO IT, CARTER?"

"Heh heh, sorry chief. Trade secret."

Resort manager chuckles and shakes his head. Nightdiver slides on a pair of aviators and picks up the stack of cash from the counter. As he strides briskly through the large lobby doors, he allows himself a knowing grin.

[James]

next he will move on to buying the golf balls directly from them and then selling them back at half their value

the profits will be unimaginable

[Hanstock]

Nigtdiver turns up the collar on his leather jacket and climbs astride his chopper, pocketing the money and casting one last glance at the golf club.

"Suckers."

Nightdiver wheelies away into the sunset.

[emily]

Natural redhead, by the way.

Christ, he's talking about seeing her firecrotch, isn't he?

[Kyle]

uhh hello emily it's called subtlety

[James]

no i think he was just there when she was born