Progressive Boink

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6:59

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Credits roll. I've put in an 8 hour day. Still not quitting.

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7:02 - Armed and dangerous man on the run.

7:03 - Stop sticks are deployed. Suspect hits them and loses two tires.

7:05 - His ride fucked up, the suspect spins out.

7:06 - Apparently the suspects shot at some guys or something. That wasn't very bright of them. It's time for dinner.

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7:11 - Burglary in progress. Someone called 911 but hung up after some sort of struggle. Water for pasta is boiling in my kitchen.

7:13 - I zoned out again. I don't know what's happening here. Some dude has cuffs on and some other dude and some girl are talking about him breaking into somewhere, I think. I need to eat. A firetruck shows up, possibly because the firemen are also EMTs.

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7:15 - Some woman who got some stuff stolen from her is either really excited to be on the tee vee, or she's looking to have sexual relations with the nice officers.

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7:23 - I come back from cooking dinner and some hispanic guy is kissing the pavement. His face is blurred. I always liked how people were arrested on national television and signed the release forms.

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7:25 - "I'm just glad no one got hurt. Well, none of the good guys."

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7:30-7:35 - Some guy is chased down the highway, then pits and bails. They find and arrest him. I'm eating.

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7:41 - Mesa, Arizona. Pictured: A cactus.

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7:42-7:47 - Further domestic disputes in Mesa. "Scott, I'm beginning to think you're not completely the victim here."

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7:47-7:59 - Okay, the episode closes with even more domestic violence.

8:00 - A new episode of the tv show Cops begins. Oh shit I think it has vegas in it.

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8:02 - Some fat guy has been beaten by his woman. A woman. He's 16, she's 40 or 50 or something. Unless he was pointing to a toy or a hickey or something. He just said "She gave me these" and pointed to his leg.

8:03 - They find some naked woman in an apartment with some kids. I believe she is supposed to be their steward. The officers impress upon her the seriousness of child welfare while another officer checks the fridge.

8:04 - "I don't have a man, I 'm not laying up in the bed! I'm not drunk!" Then she hits the officer in the face. She then denies hitting him. She wants them to leave. They're not going to leave.

8:05- Well, there she goes. Spazzin' out and now the children are crying and now they're going to have to arrest her. What a goon.

8:07 - Grandma shows up to take care of the children, and reveals that the mother has AIDS. The cop looks pretty sad about the whole issue. It's sad.

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8:11 - We're still in Vegas, by the way. Vegas has the best stuff, or the worst, depending. Two female officers happen upon someone who is shouting. Some younger woman is walking away. They go up to the younger woman, who explains "She hit me for no reason!"

8:12 - The cop tells the girl who was just struck by her mother that she has a bad attitude. The cop must know something I don't.

8:13 - The girl starts to walk away and the cop grabs her arm. "Don't be touching me." This isn't going to end well.

8:15 - The girl continues to be belligerent, so they cuff her. She doesn't give a fuck. She's not going home. Taker to juvie, to jail she doesn't care she doesn't give a fuck. Oh, wait, now it's "Will you please let me go."

8:16 - SO? SO? Not even going to school. Angry teenagers are awesome. NORTH LAS VEGAS FTW.

8:17 - They take the cuffs off and the girl goes home with her mother. The cops thank the mother for trying and caring about her daughter.

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8:20 - Still in Vegas. Vegas is the fastest growing city in the country for like, the last decade, and it's a pretty fucked up town. This isn't something the cops are saying, it's something I'm saying. New York times specials on it and all this shit.

8:21 - Some woman has called the cops because some guy is in her front lawn that she doesn't know and he's only wearing a towel. The cops confront the man, who tells them his name is Victor.

8:22 - Victor puts on his underwear inside out. He likes it that way.

8:23 - Victor is really, really stoned. I can't tell whether he's making things up or is really confused. He has left some clothes in the shower of the house he's hanging around.

8:24 - The officer radios for transport. Victor is going for a ride. Apparently his real name is Bartolo, and how he's under arrest. He's going up for burglary.

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Honestly, I think the door hit her.

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8:29 - CREDITS

8:30 - OPENING

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8:31 - Two females fighting at a 711 in VEGAS~!

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8:32 - The cops are asking questions of a young man. He claims the two women were swinging away, and he was attempting to keep the baby from being clocked.

8:34 - "Tell me what happened." "My daughter beat the shit out of me."

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8:37 - There's an interesting moment where people realize that it doesn't really matter what happened, they're going to get hauled off. "Fine, fuck it, shut the door and let's get this over with." Considering it looks more like she beat the shit out of her daughter, off she goes.