Progressive Boink

[pholby]

7:30 AM - I wake up by chance and consider watching the marathon from start to finish. I decide against it. I need my sleep. TV marathons aren't for the weak.

10:25 AM - I wake up again, and decide to get up. An episode starts at 10:30, but there are things I need to do first.

10:54 AM - Final preparations are made. Supplies are checked.

10:57 AM - I check the television listings to see what I'll be missing. Sundance is showing something with that whole writer/director/lead actress thing. I'm always suspicious of someone who writes, directs, and stars. I'm not saying it makes what they're doing bad, just that I don't trust the idea.

10:59 AM - Created by: John Langley, Malcolm Barbour. They're who I have to thank for the glory that is this show. The credits for the 10:30AM show roll.

11:00 AM - Soldier man give me no break.

[pholby]

11:01 AM - Pursuit of a stolen vehicle. A classic. It's how I learned how to perform a felony stop. They are lots of laws to break, but only a few of them are covered on cops. Pulling people over and finding drugs and/or prostitutes, high-speed chases, and domestic disputes are all they cover, for the most part.

11:03 AM - The fellow running crashes while going over 100 MPH. The cops shout "Where's he at?" several times. The car has flipped. Someone crawls out, starts to stand up, and is wrestled to the ground. The car is checked for any other occupants. It's clear. Code 4, apparently.

11:04 AM - A woman is lying in the road. She may have been hit or fallen out of the car. I don't know. She asks for help. The man who was apparently riding in the car is yelling at her. "I love you baby!"

11:06 AM - Deputy Connie Winnard started the initial pursuit. EMT's tend to the woman who is lying in the street. Deputy Winnard relates the story of the crash, which was only caught on camera from 100+ yards back. The injured woman is taken out on a helicopter.

11:07 AM - A cop talks to one of the people from the vehicle, then relates to the camera that he's spoken to him before, and even warned him if he didn't stop gangbanging he'd end up where he is now: In the back of a squadcar. Cops say this a lot on this show, and it's always with a mix of smug self-satisfaction and disappointment.

11:08 AM - They go to commercial. FX informs me I am watching the Cop In Hot Pursuit Marathon. I wonder if it will be chases all day.

11:10 AM - We are heading to a subject disturbing call. So no chase.

[Spoodles]

This hick's face is all bloody and awesome. I'll let you get back to your LiveBlogging on COPS, but I just wanted to let you know that this is the best thread I've ever seen.

[pholby]

11:11 AM - One subject has blood on him, another is missing a tooth. A man at the scene claims they got into a discussion. I love cops. The two people are married, but legally separated.

11:12 AM - "Honestly, I think the door hit her." When questioned as to why there is blood on him, the male claims the female spit blood all over him. When asked why she is bleeding, he claims it's the door. This could be clever trickery. If he threw the door at her, then he's not lying to the officer.

11:13 AM - It's revealed that the female bit the male's ear. The cop inquires if it was in a moment of passion or anger. Passion.

11:14 AM - The male denys the biting sex story. He claims she bit his ear for no reason while the two of them were standing there. The cop points out that there is also quite a bit of blood on his slightly-swollen hand. "Why is it always my fault?" he questions.

11:16 AM - The woman has found her tooth. The man maintains his innocence. He also has a marijuana pipe in his left front pocket, containing marijuana residue. Off to booking he goes. We go to commercial again. I'm pretty tired of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia commercials.

[pholby]

11:18 AM - I re-read my last post during the commercial. The phrase "Honestly, I think the door hit her." cracks me up. It's pretty classic cops. Very few people just own up to what they did.

Honestly, I think the door hit her.

[pholby]

11:20 AM - "When I started this job, I didn't think there were that many criminals." The cop relates that one of the worst things about being a cop is assuming everyone is lying to you. It's easy to assume that the cops on the show are overzealous, or downright mean. But they do this every day. People are always lying to them about all kinds of shit. That's got to grind you down.

11:21 AM - They stop a man who claims his name is John Johnson. They give him the whole rundown about date of birth, social, and ask him to spell his name. That's always what trips people up. They're nervous, and can't think on their feet. It's easy to spit out seven random digits for a social, but he tells them his last name is spelled "Jonhson." They don't buy it. They elaborate as to why the stopped and questioned him. He was running, saw them, and stopped running and started walking in the opposite direction. They go to visit his mother. He claimed that she would verify that he is John Jonhson. When asked what her son's name is, she replies "Michael."

11;24 AM - She only has one question: Can I kill him? She's pretty mad. She told him to stop doing that crap. Now she's yelling at him "What's your name? What's your name!?!"

11:26 AM - His mother goes in and gets his wallet to find his ID to give to the police. She hits him over the head with it. They decline to arrest her for assault. He's not asking for her to be arrested, but I've seen it happen before. "Tell your mom you love her," the cops say. "I love you mom." She yells at him about not doing this shit anymore, and what will happen. She says "Sweetie" more than once.

11:28 AM - J.G. Wentworth's representatives are standing by. Cash now!

11:29 AM - Credits roll on Episode 1. Earl Martin is the sound mixer. He did a pretty good job, nothing was overwhelming, but the vocals on the suspects could have been higher. I understand it's probably not easy, what with only one boom mic and the situations that arise.

11:30 AM - Episode 2 starts. The credits feature lots of people being manhandled by cops. The bloody hick is in the credits, which means it's from the same season.

[Kyle]

11:21 AM - They stop a man who claims his name is John Johnson. They give him the whole rundown about date of birth, social, and ask him to spell his name. That's always what trips people up. They're nervous, and can't think on their feet. It's easy to spit out seven random digits for a social, but he tells them his last name is spelled "Jonhson." They don't buy it. They elaborate as to why the stopped and questioned him. He was running, saw them, and stopped running and started walking in the opposite direction. They go to visit his mother. He claimed that she would verify that he is John Jonhson. When asked what her son's name is, she replies "Michael."

i saw this episode years ago and it has stuck with me since.

[pholby]

11:31 AM - We start in Maricopa County, Arizona. Some suspects are running from David Parra. Well, driving their vehicle away from him. Then they bail. They were pretty smart to bail early. You bail early you've got one cop after you, maybe two. You wait they bring more cars, maybe a helicopter, and you're fucked. Maybe these guys have done this before.

11:32 AM - They've run into a trailer park. Oh, he found them. 124. Another cop shows up with a dog, so it's all academic at this point. Well, he found one of them.

11:34 AM - The driver is in custody, but a hispanic male, plaid shirt, eastbound is still out there. They have a permimter set up. Deputy Parra relates the situation to the other officer, and the suspect is now Mexican, and hardcore. (This conclusion is based on the fact that the one they have in custody has lots of tattoos.)

11:36 AM - The vehicle and plates don't match, but they're both stolen. Deputy Connie Winnard is back. Her and Deputy Parra discuss the chase.

11:37 AM - James, the driver who is in custody, is read his miranda rights and then questioned. He denys being the driver. He claims he was just getting a ride, and has no idea why the driver ran from the police. He is being charged with "felony flight, and felony stolen vehicle.", but he's still not talking. Good for him.

11:38 - We go to commercial.

[pholby]

11:41 AM - Officer Stacey Adams speaks on how one minute you can be taking a report, and the next the fight could be on. Because of this, you have to keep yourself in good condition. This is one of my favorite parts of the show, law enforcement officers waxing on the nature of the job.

11:41 AM - Looks like juveniles might be on some kind of drug.

11:42 AM - There is one young person and one older person. The young one is wasted on something. They claim a stomach ailment.

11:43 AM - Another officer shows up. The youngers is a female, and the older one is a male. They both look pretty sketchy.

11:44 AM - "How much meth did you smoke today?" "Pshhh, no sir, no sir, no sir." The female states it's been a long while since she did heroin, about two months. And before that, three or four months. She claims doing the heroin was not by choice.

11:45 AM - Jennifer is now placed in handcuffs. She has two warrants out of Mesa. George, who is sitting on the ground with his hands where we can see them, is free to go. He wants to talk to Jennifer for a couple of minutes. For some reason this never happens, and Jennifer is carted away while George just keeps on walkin' down the street, like he was doing when we started.

11:47 AM - TV Guide raves, "Sunny is brazenly funny." I'm skeptical.

[pholby]

11:48 AM - Holy shit, DVD on TV on FX totally presents: Black Night.

11:49 AM - Cops is back. Still in Arizona. FTO Tim Hines talks about how Cops are still bound by the same rules as everyone else, and the people who call are like customers, and need to be treated right. What is he, 8 years old?

11:50 AM - A car has been stopped, and a felony stop performed. A guy with his head pressed against the hood of a car wants to know what the hell is going on. Apparently a woman driving a car didn't want to stop when a cop wanted her to stop. The cop relates to the man that he is secured for his own personal safety and for theirs. Some people are understanding about this (especially if they've been arrested before.) Some people are not. He's confused, but not beligerent.

11:52 AM - The suspects did not pull over until they had thrown credit cards and needles from the car. Buying stolen stuff at the mall with other people's cards. They have a bag full of them in the car, like, 30, 40 cards. Now he's in the back of a car, and may be secured for reasons other than personal safety. The vehicle they were in was also stolen. There are fake IDs with him on them in the bag. When questioned as to his age, DOB and height, he doesn't know how tall he is. It's not looking good for him.

11:54 AM - The cop asks the woman what the guy's name is. She wants to know why he's asking her. This is a good first step. The cops don't ask questions for fun, and they usually don't do you any favors. If they're asking you a question, it's probably because they need info. They get two conflicting stories and you're fucked. They try to scare her by telling her that he's pinning it all on her, to which she replies "Fine, I take full responsibility." Smart girl.

11:56 AM - The original owner of the vehicle shows up, looking for her stolen laptop.

11:57 AM - End of episode 2.

[pholby]

11:57 AM - There is a public service announcement commercial regarding online predators. I wonder what has done more to raise awareness: Dateline , or this kind of thing.

11:59 AM - Danny Regal is the production coordinator. The New Yorker now uses umlauts for that kind of thing. That a cooperate.

12:00 PM - Episode 3 starts. The credits feature a small monster truck, as snake in one of those bags you use for produce at the grocery store, and a man with a mustache. I love cops.

12:01 PM - Corpus Christi, Texas. Roll call. An officer was scratched by a cat several days prior, and then the cat was lost. If it wasn't found, he'd have to take rabies shots. They found the cat. Everyone has a good chuckle.

12:02 PM - One of the officers talks about his personal philosophies while on route to a shooting call. See, if you give him respect, you'll get it back. If you give him attitude, he'll try to take control of the situation. Sounds like a fair man.

12:03 PM - The arrive on scene and there's lots of "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!" shouted. The man inside the house has been shot. Naturally, the cops are super-nervous.

12:05 PM - The man who's been shot speculates that he's going to die. The medics are on route. "Please help me." "Help's coming, hold on." "Please help me yourself." His uncle shot him because he surprised him. I've got to say, he's not taking this with any kind of dignity. I mean, he's not sobbing, but when paramedics are tending to you, shouting "PLEASE HELP ME" at them isn't cool.

12:07 PM - Don't go busting in people's doors in Texas at night. They'll shoot you because they do not have their glasses on. Randy, has this ever happened to you? We go to commercial. This was pretty uneventful for a shooting call. The cops calmed down a lot once they realized it was just some chump who got shot by his relation.

[pholby]

12:10 PM - Harris County, Texas. Every day it's something new or something strange when it comes to police work. We're on route to a stabbing call. I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen an asian on this show. Asian cops, sure. Maybe in vegas, they've been doing vegas a lot in recent years.

12:11 PM - The stabbee is tended to by paramedics, and seems pretty jovial given that he's been stabbed. He is unwilling to give up the name or location of the man who stabbed him.

12:12 PM - "He stabbed you in yo head. He don't care about you." - a neighbor. The victim relates that this is not the first time the stabber stabbed him. "Well...we just don't get along." He's bleeding pretty good here.

12:14 PM - Steven goes to the hospital. He is shown two men who the police believe may have stabbed him. He gives a simple "no." to both.

12:15 PM - The cops express frustration that he won't give them any information, but will prosecute the guys when they find them. That ends the segment.

[pholby]

12:17 PM - I am going to have something to eat. Reporting on the next segment will be light.

Vegas episodes are fun because cops have a chip on their shoulder about tourists. "You wouldn't pee on the sidewalk where you live, why are you going to do it where I live?"

12:19 PM - Somebody's on a ledge. HA HA HA, Suicide is against the law, what the hell is that? What are they going to do, put you in jail when you're dead? I mean, come on! Force you into treatment? The whole idea is pretty silly if you ask me.

12:21-26 PM - Rob has elected to climb the watertower because of poor relations with his parents. The cops get Rob's uncle down to the scene. He cares about Rob, in a "Well hell there ain't no need to kill yourself" kind of way. A woman shows up, it might be Rob's mother. Rob comes down and is taken into custody. He'll be taken to the Mental Health facility. He cries. It's all right, Rob. Shit is hard sometimes. But you're not dead, and that's always a start.

[pholby]

12:29 PM - Credits roll on episode three. From here on out all times should be assumed to be PM, unless stated otherwise.

[Justin]

I'm joining you for a few episodes, Pholb-man! I turned the channel on and saw white trash babies watching their dad be hauled away. That's always my favorite part of COPS.

[pholby]

12:33 - Domestic dispute of some kind. These are probably the most depressing of the segments that they have.

12:33 - Timothy claims they do not have a warrant to be in here. Oh man. This one's gonna get ugly.

12:34 - He attempts to walk away. They would still like to talk to him. I don't exactly see it, but most likely someone attempted to put a hand on his shoulder or arm. Naturally, he pulls away. This is called resisting. He is wrestled to the ground by about 4 dudes in short order, featuring a number of arm locks and twisting. He puts up quite a fight, though.

12:35 - He wasn't gonna go to jail, we just wanted to talk to him. The cop mentions that he hit them first. That would change things slightly. It's a pattern on the show, though. Someone gets scared, makes a poor decision in their reaction, and then they're arrested, usually via a whompin.

12:36 - The officer gives the woman a sheet of phone numbers she can use, if she so chooses. Now that's a cultural safety net. He continues to put up a fight outside, and gets himself a forearm to the back of the head. The wife is now concerned. From inside the police car he maligns how they treat each other, how they get, and what happens.

12:38 - The officer relates that this often happens around the holidays, with the money troubles, and the arguments. We go to commercial. In the background you can here a kid crying "Mommy! Daddy!" I told you they were bad.

[pholby]

Good to have you aboard, Justin.

[pholby]

12:41 - Being a cop makes Sr. Officer David Blackmon a better family man. His partner also has a swell family. Sure, there are some verbal arguments, but nothing physical like he sees out here.

12:42 - A man is apprehended on the street. He takes the popular "I'm not doing nothing" position. He has a shaved head but still has a pony tail, which is an arrestable offense as far as I'm concerned.

[pholby]

12:44 - The man was huffing paint. The officer tells us this is a serious problem. I'm skeptical, but take his word for it since he lives there and is a cop.

12:45 - Apparently the man has an identical twin. I picture George Bluth huffing paint and Oscar getting arrested.

[pholby]

12:47 - The cops gather and discuss the long term effects of inhalants over the 9 year period they've been arresting this dude. I remember my DARE officer warning us about huffing. Man, that dude got no respect from nobody. But that's probably because DARE is a worthless program.

12:48 - Commercials include rent-a-center, and Rescue Me.