Progressive Boink

[B]

[Miagi]

EVERYBODY said I was the...best.

She gave me a B.

Secret origins!

I'm waiting for the installment where he meets Catwoman for the first time.

[Miagi]

My tenth grade geography teacher, while a brilliant man, was one of the most eccentric human beings I've ever met. He owned precisely three shirts, and they were all thread bare in the area where his arms would rub against his sides. He despised sleepers, and would knock over their desks and threaten to set them on fire. How he never got fired or worse for making such threats I'll never know.
He was an avowed virgin, a polyglot, and a holder of several advance degrees. He was better educated than a lot of professors I've had, but for some reason he wanted to stay at the high school level. Worst of all, his brother was a stand up comedian, so he found it necessary to perform his act for us all year long. One kid's was named Keith Journey, and he said that in Swahili he'd be known as Keith Safari all fucking semester long. Good times.

[Dollo]

I had a brilliant alcoholic Buddhist professor in University.

-He had spent 2 years in prison for arson
-Fired from Harvard for beings anti-establishment
-Spent 5 years in Japan at a Buddhist temple
-Often showed up to class so drunk he could barely stand (once fell down a flight of steps)
-Made students cry as he revealed their 'truth' in front of the entire class
-Didn't believe in structured class settings, but instead, taught in a free-form lecture series where he exposed the trappings of your consumerist, shallow, weak mind-set
-Smoked pot during class
-Once thought the FBI was after him and had sent an undercover to our class that was posing as a student.

He also had an IQ that was registered at over 160, and is the foremost North American authority on Buddhist studies and ancient text translation. Honestly, one of the smartest and most enlighten dudes I've ever met. He was about 60 years old, and looked homeless - but just a brilliant individual.

[Mally]

That reminds me of one of my college profs. Brilliant man. Threw things, yelled a lot. Very passionate. One day he was at an off-campus party and punched a guy, a student at the college. Then he got fired. Then we learned he was dating a female student. It would have been one thing if she was his age, but no -- she was 20, maybe. He was at least 40. No fair, he probably gave her automatic A's.

[Kristen]

what the fuck kind of professor dates students his own age

that's like the worst of both worlds

[Mally]

I just meant there were a lot of middle-aged students at the college I went to, and if I had learned he was dating one of them, I wouldn't have been as weirded out by it. (The following year I had a prof whose wife was in the class, and the wife would routinely bring their little dog to class. A family affair!)

But yes, you do have a point.

[Mustard et Toad]

The most interesting teacher I've had was my chemistry teacher in high school (I had him two years, for both chemistry and AP chem). He was balding and drank an excess of caffeine in class and had a habit of kicking students' desks for no reason, usually during tests. Once he was giving a demonstration prior to a lab and warned us that the substance contained in the beaker he was holding was extremely dangerous if come into contact with. He then "accidently" tripped and spilled it on a student in the front row. The student was shouting and panicking until the teacher started laughing and told us it was actually harmless. Then he sent the kid to the restroom to wash his shirt out. He also had a large boa contrictor in class that he forced onto the most visibly frightened students.

[James]

i think that kinda crosses the line from "interesting" to "batfucking insane"

[Jim]

Yeah. Forcing a boa constrictor on people that likely had a snake phobia and going lol jk with chemistry liquids (innocuous though they may be) ain't exactly kosher.

[B]

My English Teacher Mr. White was also the coach of the baseball team, so he always had a baseball on his desk. He'd walk around tossing it up into the air and catching it while he talked about whatever we were reading. But sometimes... only sometimes... he would switch out the real ball with a false one, a baseball hide with a balled up wad of paper inside. It was on these days that he would randomly stop in the middle of a sentence to throw the fake ball as hard as he could at peoples' faces and watch them freak the fuck out when they forget about the fake ball and think he's throwing the shit out of a baseball at them.

Mr. White was pretty awesome, though, and he's contributed more than one joke to this site's history. He loved shitty puns and would use them as definitions for vocabulary tests. An example of a lasting vocab word: paradox - a place where you park two boats.

[James]

i had a teacher who would point a gun at people's faces and sometimes it would be loaded and sometimes it wouldn't be!

[Terry Cheesecake]

your mum or dad pointed a gun at you?

[James]

didn't i tell you that homeschooling was mostly me teaching myself

[Terry Cheesecake]

you're a loose cannon but you get results dammit

[blacktoothgrin]

Still Terry, best take his badge. Lieutenant James endangered the lives of both his fellow officers and the public with that book report.

[Greg]

Because our math program was the worst in the state, they split the Algebra 1 class into two years worth of class. Meaning if you were a math nerd and wanted to get into Calculus (not to mention any science class higher then Biology), you had to start Algerbra in jr. high, which only about 10% of the students managed to do. Kids who wanted to do Trig were fucked.

I was supposed to go to Algebra 1a my freshman year, but schedule confusion landed me in Algebra 1b with a man named Mr. Hayes. Once the mistake had become known, Mr. Hayes tried hard to kick me out, but I decided I want to do the work and managed to convince the principal to let me stay. But rather then be impressed by my work ethic and how quickly I learned the work, Hayes made it his personal vendetta to make sure I had a harder time then anyone else, giving me more work. "Required extra credit," he called it. God, I still want to kick him in the balls.

He was fired the next year for having an affair with the gym teacher. Karma, bitch.

[Shamrock]

-Made students cry as he revealed their 'truth' in front of the entire class

What?

[Rusty Cooledge v2]

Hahaha, that whole James/Cheesecake exchange got my laugh of the week.

I had a teacher who apparantly looked at the kids underwear section of Sears catalog during class and would play pocket pool. I never saw either of these things but I've been told them countless times and he is also very good at bowling, 250 average I believe.

Haha, and how could I forget, one of my favorite teachers was my chemistry and physics teacher who would make off-color jokes and talk about how retarded other members of the staff were, and would routinely show us his arms bare to prove the rumor that he did heroin wrong. And then he got charged with meth possession, but it's generally accepted that was thanks to his haggard girlfriend having it in his house. From then on whenever any of my friends saw him hed joke about it in a creepy way, and be all like "dont worry im not trying to sell meth to you!!" and they'd just be like "oh, ok."

my gym teacher was a lesbian!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dollo]

-Made students cry as he revealed their 'truth' in front of the entire class

What?

He'd sit there, and then basically tear your personality to shreds; psychoanalyzing you with an uncanny degree of accuracy and exposing all your fears, wants, desires, in a matter of minutes. You'd try and defend yourself with your pithy reasoning - but he'd smash a hole in that too. Basically, if you were being 'too cool for school' and not being honest about yourself - then you were getting verbally buttfucked by this guy until you caved.

It was all supposed to help us with enlightenment. Learning to let go, learning to remove 'want' from our lives, abandon our our pre-conceived notions of self and reality.

I loved that guy, he was so awesome.