Progressive Boink

[Justin]

As the name implies, post the absolute stupidest, most pointless lie you've ever told anyone.

When I was in 6th grade I thought it'd impress a girl if I lied about having gone to a TLC/Montell Jordan concert after overhearing that she'd gone. Needless to say, not only did this not work, but looking back, if I'd heard my past self telling the lie I'd have to kick my own ass for being such a pansy.

[Casey]

After my dad got a divorce from his second wife, I was going over to her apartment fairly regularly to watch her dog. While I was there I wanted to get online, so (since everyone still had dialup) I loaded up the dialup networking box and typed in my dad's account name and password. It got rid of the stored information, though, so when I opened it again after I was done her username wasn't there anymore. I figured out how to make it NOT show my dad's username before I left, but she came over to our house really angry the following night because she didn't know what her username and password were and she had just had them stored on her computer since she had signed up for the account.

They asked if I had used the computer and I said "no" because she seemed so angry. I think my dad stood up for me after I left the room and I heard them arguing for a long time, which was kind of upsetting to me. I'm not sure why I didn't realize how ridiculous it was that she had driven over to our house to fight about that, or else I probably would have just admitted to it. The fact that she was taking it so seriously convinced me that it was something worth denying, though, so I lied and said that I had played Goldeneye on her son's N64 the whole time.

[Andy]

I have a few.

In 6th grade (I believe that this is when lies reach their prime in pointlessness) when asked if I was a virgin by a couple of girls I said "pssssh no." And then they berated me for it, saying "you think thats a GOOD thing?" Let me reiterate; a boy who had never seen a tit outside of Tomb Raider actually pretended he had gone all the way with some girl, and thought that it was a good enough lie to tell that he told two girls, who then mocked him for it. Ah, science class.

I also once told a Sunday School teacher when I was about 6 that my parents had a baby named Joshua, because he had a baby named Joshua. I to this day do not know why I made this lie up, but I remember vividly my parents coming to me and saying that they had congratulated them on the baby that they never had. I got out of it by lying that I said "not" as in "just kidding" as in "I have somehow seen waynes world by the age of 6" but that he must not have heard me. It got me out of trouble but its a story i will never tell my kids.

[Exeter]

I was in debate my 9th and 10th grades of high school, and our coach never checked our sources, and needed far less to run a successful case than she required. I quoted Dr. Bill Cosby on anything from WMD's to bottom feeding fish.

[blacktoothgrin]

I told this girl that on Christmas Eve that bombs were going to go off all around the world in every single television. I told her I knew because my Uncle was in the army (he's actually a bus driver). She believed me and she started crying and she told her mum and dad. I never got in trouble for it.

Bitch deserved it, though, she told me she got to see Muse live when I knew that it was like 14 and up.

[James]

Bitch deserved it, though

i'm going to pull a Pholby here and suggest that we never use this phrase again

[Maynard,]

What if the "Bitch deserved it" though?

[James]

"I think it was only fair comeuppance"

[blacktoothgrin]

Whatever James, she deserved it and is also a slut.

[endlessmike]

when i was 4, i told my dad i had made up the song "i'm so excited, and i just can't hide it"

[Maynard,]

Thank you for that Endlessmike. That made me laugh really hard.

[B]

In fourth grade I pretended to support presidential hopeful Michael Dukakis to impress a pretty girl in my class. I even made her laugh with a joke about how the "Quayle" pees in the "Bushes."

I really haven't developed much since then.

[Bismark]

did she give you play

[Justin]

Whatever James, she deserved it and is also a slut.

You should be less concerned with the young woman's promiscuity and more with becoming a better poster.

[Rusty Cooledge v2]

One time I pulled the ultra cliche of putting my carrots in my pocket so I didn't have to eat them and told my parents I ate them, but of course I totally forgot about them and my mom found them in the laundry.

[DGMacphee]

One time when I was a teenager I was practicing my golf swing with my Dad's clubs, except I was indoors. I took a big swing, heard a SMACK and wondered for a brief second why my Dad's nine iron was floating in mid-air. I had smashed a hole in our roof.

I ended up placing a piece of sticky tape over the hole and mixed some paint so it was the exact shade of pale blue as our roof. The taped-up, nine iron-shaped hole went undetected for five years until I decided to tell my mother, since she was selling the house.

Her response: "Well, we just won't tell the new owners."

Like me, my Mum is a lying bastard. And I love her for it!

[Spoodles]

when i was 4, i told my dad i had made up the song "i'm so excited, and i just can't hide it"

When I was eight, I copied a crappy poem adaptation of The Nightmare Before Christmas from Disney Adventures magazine and told my grandmother that I wrote it.

Six or seven, I told my parents that I made up the word "co-inky-dink," which I had heard on an episode of Goof Troop. Little did I know that "co-inky-dink" was a fairly common and retarded word.

My other grandma, I told her I won a Nintendo tournament at Sears (at one of those video-game try-it-out kiosks). I don't know why I had to impress my grandma with my Nintendo skills when I'm fairly certain she didn't even know what one was, but she bought me some Dick Tracy action figures so whatevs.

[erica]

I lie every day when I tell my brother I've been drinking my Ensure (supposedly I lack necessary vitamins). I'm really only hurting myself and should at least tell him to stop trying to be the guardian of my life, but I just don't care enough to have the argument. Ensure tastes like asshole.

Also when I was like 6 I told my CCD teacher that we had a pet snake that we just let slither around the house. She was also my neighbor and knew this wasn't true, but I insisted.

[Justin]

Hey Erica remember when you lied about my age, and also told your mom I didn't drink?

[fergusnoodle]

Also when I was like 6 I told my CCD teacher that we had a pet snake that we just let slither around the house. She was also my neighbor and knew this wasn't true, but I insisted.

You had a charge-coupled device teacher? I needed one of those last year!