Progressive Boink

[Captain Hot Stuff]

Fucking Florida school system. They have had me believing that for years. Jackasses.

How can you... how...

Isn't it obvious that a river will flow downhill? North, if that's the direction it has to? And that in the whole wide world there are SURE to be some places that slope down northwards?

[James]

what else did they teach you, that rivers are propelled by treadmills under the water

[Andy]

Listen, all I know is that for as many years as I was in school that line was given to me by tons of teachers. I never really thought too hard about it. Just 'huh' and went on about my business.

[Kristen]

DId they also teach you that girls get pregnant from giving blow jobs. My church youth group leader thought that. She was 24 and embarrassed that I, at age 14, had to tell her it wasn't true.

[Andy]

I would like to submit for my defense that at least I did not believe that.

[Shamrock]

The number of American soldiers killed in Vietnam has been surpassed by the number of Vietnam veterans that have committed suicide.

Celery takes more energy to digest than it gives, hardly qualifying for my definition of food.

75% of the world's heroin comes from Afghanistan.

[Mike]

Did they also teach you that girls get pregnant from giving blow jobs. My church youth group leader thought that. She was 24 and embarrassed that I, at age 14, had to tell her it wasn't true.

I'm sorry, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard since my friend in grade school thought sex included peeing in a girl.

[TheEvilGingivitis]

-Fire moves uphill faster than it moves downhill.
-Freddie Mercury was the only musician mentioned in Kurt Cobain's suicide note.
-The first animated short was about a dinosaur. The background was redrawn for each frame.

[Captain Hot Stuff]

- The United States has now been at war in Iraq longer than it was in World War II
- Like celery, rabbit takes more energy to digest than it contains. The Hudson Bay Company reported incidents of hunters and trappers in the 17th century who starved to death from eating rabbits in the winter.
- You can't fold a piece of paper in half more than seven times.

[Maynard!]

Did they also teach you that girls get pregnant from giving blow jobs. My church youth group leader thought that. She was 24 and embarrassed that I, at age 14, had to tell her it wasn't true.

Did she think that was the only way to get pregnant or that blowjobs were an additional method of getting pregnant?

- You can't fold a piece of paper in half more than seven times.

Not true. The cast of Mythbusters folded a ridiculously large piece of paper 11 times. A piece of paper that any normal person could find can't be folded more than seven times though.

[Dollo]

-In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch or clock is usually 10:10.
-All coffee is grown within 1,000 miles of the equator.
-Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada has the most bars per capita than anywhere else in the world.
-A jellyfish is 95 percent water.
-In ancient China, people committed suicide by eating a pound of salt.
-The symbol on the 'pound' key (#) is called an octothorpe.
-The average American consumes 9 pounds of food additives every year.

[Captain Hot Stuff]

I always thought the # was called a hash.

[Whittle]

-In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch or clock is usually 10:10.

I could have sworn it was 12:38 or 12:30.

Also, with the river thing, I thought that all rivers just flowed toward the equator except for a couple special ones.

[Dollo]

It's normally set at 10:10 for two reasons:

1) subliminal 'happy face' type smile the hands make
2) it shows the watch brandname/logo

See?

[tmbg12]

-The world's population increases by 237,748 every 24 hours
-Ivan the Terrible once killed an elephant because it did not bow to him
-A dolphin's closest relatives on land are the horse and the cow
-Ernest Hemingway read his own obituary in papers after his plane crashed in 1954
-The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
-Wal-Mart's annual income is nearly equal to that of Russia
-Ex-Lax was originally called Bo-Bo's
-Most school buses in America are painted "National School Bus Chrome Yellow"
-The @ symbol is 500 years old
-Tiny Tim was originally known as Small Sam
-Alfred Hitchcock had an extreme fear of eggs
-In Japan, apple farmers use turkeys to guard their orchards against monkeys
-The ancient Assyrians cut their hair in the shape of a pyramid
-Because he directed "Kundun," Martin Scorsese is banned from Tibet
-"King Kong" was the first feature-length film to have a sequel
-Kurt Vonnegut opened the first Saab dealership in America
-The Maori of New Zealand believe that God sneezed life into humans
-Atlanta, Georgia, has 32 streets named Peachtree
-Einstein never memorized his home phone number
-Ted Turner owns about 2% of New Mexico
-Bald Eagles can swim
-An alligator can run as fast as a horse
-Sniffing Crayola crayons has been found to lower blood pressure
-Australia is the world's top consumer of ice cream
-Most-performed plastic surgery in the US: Breast augmentation
-Salvador Dali once designed a telephone shaped like a lobster
-Ancient Greeks believed drinking beer would cause leprosy
-Banana spiders are considered the deadliest spiders in the world
-In 2000, Disney reversed its 43-year ban on employee mustaches
-Mao Tse-Tung was once a librarian
-Spinach originated in Japan

[James]

An alligator can run as fast as a horse

oh god i'll never sleep again

[Dollo]

-An alligator can run as fast as a horse
-Sniffing Crayola crayons has been found to lower blood pressure
-In 2000, Disney reversed its 43-year ban on employee mustaches

I CALL BULLSHIT!!!!

[James]

most florida guide sites are saying somewhere in the range of 35 mph for 'gators

i assume they can't run as long, though

[Whittle]

It's normally set at 10:10 for two reasons:

1) subliminal 'happy face' type smile the hands make
2) it shows the watch brandname/logo

See?

hahaha, i was thinking of digital clocks

[Alan]

-Fred Savage is the director of Daddy Day Camp