Progressive Boink

[Justin]

King of the Hill is good. Real good, actually. I'd go so far as to say that it's the best cartoon on TV right now. Anyway, lets celebrate it's renewal for a 12th season with a round of quotes.

"Using a saw as a weapon makes about as much sense as using a gun to cut a 2x4. That's how my dad built my tree house... how he cleaned it too."

[Justin]

"I thought we agreed to never again discuss the horrors we witnessed upon the killing fields of the fun center."

[Justin]

"So I tapped him on the shoulder and said with a straight face 'maybe you want to put some lacquer in that varnish.' Long story short, he put some lacquer in it."

[Alex]

"They wanted to see me wet my pants from fear... but they're too late!"

[Alex]

BOBBY: You should've seen Joe Jack. He pulled a flask out of his desk and started drinking. It was so funny!

HANK: Yep, sales week is always different every year, but it always ends the same way.

[Justin]

Check out Alex m'MAIN man!

"Boomhauer, you stay up late. Are rude customers really getting more than they bargained for?"

[Alex]

"Bobby, you don't need a crystal ball to see Ward's future. He's going to live with his mother until she dies, and maybe for a few weeks after."

[Justin]

The best King of the Hill joke is when Hank is setting his alarm for 7:00, accidentally goes to 7:01, sighs and starts going all the way around again.

[B]

In America, you put "In God We Trust" on your money. In Russia, we have no money!

[Alex]

Title IX, President Nixon's only mistake!

[Justin]

I love when Hank talks about people from the propane industry like "Maury Hogarth" or "Charlie Fortner."

[Jaspers]

"Hey, I know you. You're the kid who rakes my yard."
"No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head."
"With a rake?"
"No, with a golf club."
"You rake my yard with a golf club? I want my quarter back."

[Lindy]

"The complacency of fools will destroy them. Proverbs."
"Get out of my house! ... Exodus!"

[Andy]

My absolute favorite of all time is:
"Bobby, you don't need a crystal ball to see Ward's future. He's going to live with his mother until she dies, and maybe for a few weeks after."

EDIT: sry alex

[Justin]

Alex feels the same way, champ!

"Bobby, Al Yankovic blew his brains out in the late 80's after people stopped buying his records."

[Folby]

Now, I don't mean to cause problems...

Couldn't have said it better myself, friend!

But if you're callin' me a liar you'd better be holding something better than an umbrella.

9-Iron.

Good day, sir.

[Justin]

"Hey mom. Dad. Got it goin' on?"
"I got hhhwhat doing hhhwhat?"

[Folby]

Also it's not a quote but when Hank goes through his drawers of glue, each properly classified, when he has to clue the gnome back together.

[Justin]

Or when Hank's odometer is about to roll over and right before it does, a cop signals for him to pull over. "Dangit!" Then when looks down and sees he missed the odometer. "DANGIT!"

[Andy]

"My Sloppy Joe is all Sloppy and no Joe."