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Mike
The king of pop
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 1674
Location: Weird NJ
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 Posted:
Wed Apr 26, 2025 12:39 am
Post subject: 4/25 the first update of the rest of your life! |
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We updated!
https://www.progressiveboink.com/
This week's update featues a special video of a hilarious prank we pulled! But you have to pay us 2 dollars to watch it. Otherwise, you're just going to have to take our word for just how hilarious it is, I guess. I don't know.
Alright I'll put the affiliate-fun-makin' net away now.
If any of the audio in the monologues post doesn't work, please inform us.
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Nick
B I T C H
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 446
Location: Boston
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| Posted:
Wed Apr 26, 2025 12:50 am
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Place B's archive specials under high-priority queue.
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Kirbyoto
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1478
Location: Pfft
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| Posted:
Wed Apr 26, 2025 7:33 am
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| And unlike that Mexican guy on Comedy Central whose name escapes me right now & I really don't care enough to look it up |
Continuin' the streak for another week!
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN????? |
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Dollo
CUP OF WATER W/ A HANDFUL OF SUGAR
Joined: 11 Aug 2025
Posts: 526
Location: Stop stalking me already!
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 11:22 am
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The monolouge peice was great work. Thanks for the good read, all of you. The audio was a tad quite though...but it's worth it to sit in my office with my Laptop volume jacked just to hear Edward Nortons 'Fuck You' speech again. Kudos.
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No one Ever Really Dies. |
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Sami
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 19 Feb 2025
Posts: 228
Location: athens like in greece except in ohio.
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 11:24 am
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Dear Mike,
Please stop writing this paragraph:
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| Pointing my ego-stroking ray gun elsewhere, before I joined Progressive Boink, I was struggling as a writer. Mostly because I didn't really see myself as a "real" writer at the time. I saw myself as a guy with a website that hadn't been updated in a while because I didn't want to write an article about stupid Count Duckula. |
I think we get it.
Other than that, there's some pretty nice stuff in Beads.
Also, I enjoyed all the monologues, guys. Way to say "that we think are neat" as opposed to "top whatever" so that we wouldn't come in here to yell at you for not including, say, the opening of Trainspotting.
but it totally should've been in there
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Friction. |
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Dollo
CUP OF WATER W/ A HANDFUL OF SUGAR
Joined: 11 Aug 2025
Posts: 526
Location: Stop stalking me already!
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 11:36 am
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Yeah, I gotta agree with Sami. If you had made it a 'top 18' or whatever - then I would have totally been all like Fight Club! Fight Club! Tyler Durden! Whhhhoooooooa!
...and you wouldnt have wanted that.
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No one Ever Really Dies. |
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Mike
The king of pop
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 1674
Location: Weird NJ
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 11:46 am
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That's it you're banned.
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endlessmike
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 461
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 1:34 pm
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Beads was very intriguing.
haven't seen most of the monologue movies, so no dispute. |
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Edam
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 23 Jan 2026
Posts: 142
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 3:40 pm
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Just started readin', so I'm only part way through monologues. Found this:
Emily's Goonie's mp3 is a 404'd link, and Justin's 'The Jerk says this at the end of the first paragraph
| Justin wrote: |
...and pull their heads out of their own asses long enough to expose the Williams Street studio for being a group of
It's in this respect that The Jerk still stands as the Mario 64 of the overdrawn joke variety. While... |
Just thought you'd like to know. I'll probably edit this post if I find something else before I get a reply about it getting fixed. |
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Edam
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 23 Jan 2026
Posts: 142
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 5:17 pm
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In regards to The Incredibles Monologue, did anyone else notice that little nod to Lee's Brodie Character at the end there?
When he says with a sick smirk "I think I'll make him a...sidekick"
I totally shouted "Hey why am I his sidekick, alright?! How do you know he's not my sidekick?"
Do you think that was thrown in there after he was casted? coincidence? or maybe Ben mentioned it would be good? |
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Bismark
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1639
Location: ...blue?
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 5:28 pm
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Well, they went so far as to have Mr. Incredible call him "Brody" by accident in the beginning, so I'd say they were pretty aware of the reference.
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| Quote: |
| I don't even know where to begin as a director to say "okay, now make the firetruck land on these guys." |
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Edam
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 23 Jan 2026
Posts: 142
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 5:35 pm
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I MISSED THAT?!?!?!!?!?
Anyhoo, WTF with us sharing the same online hours of this forum, mate? |
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Bismark
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1639
Location: ...blue?
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 6:02 pm
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You missed that. The when Mr. Incredible catches young Syndrome in his car, he calls him Brody trying to remember his name.
As for the hours thing, this is just me at work, 10-7 EST. If I had t-shirts, I'd have a contest for people to call me.
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| Quote: |
| I don't even know where to begin as a director to say "okay, now make the firetruck land on these guys." |
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Edam
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 23 Jan 2026
Posts: 142
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 6:37 pm
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| I'd call, if it's an 800 number. |
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Wooderson
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 23 Feb 2025
Posts: 135
Location: Michigan
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Wed Apr 26, 2025 8:19 pm
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I haven't gotten around to reading 'Beads' yet, but I will soon.
B - Congrats on getting linked on Deadspin. http://www.deadspin.com/sports/leftovers/leftovers-he-could-go-out-and-shoot-himself-169797.php
Everybody on the monolouge article - Great job. Especially Emily. I'm a whore for Mallrats.
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| Quote: |
| To his delight, his tremendous girth only made him go even faster than he could have possibly imagined. |
Last edited by Wooderson on Thu Apr 27, 2025 9:54 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ghostmail
CUP OF WATER
Joined: 09 Feb 2025
Posts: 46
Location: Michigan
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Thu Apr 27, 2025 12:31 am
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| In the monologue piece, you forgot Plan 9 from outer space. Nice job Progressive Dinks. Good job on making fun of Carlos Mangaycia yet again though. LOLOL |
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Justin
woof woof woof woof
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2051
Location: Mashpee, MA
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Thu Apr 27, 2025 1:41 am
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Goonies monologue will be up tomorrow morning/afternoon, for those who care.
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[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote] |
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Mike
The king of pop
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 1674
Location: Weird NJ
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| Posted:
Thu Apr 27, 2025 2:27 am
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Oh like I read anything anyone else posts on here.
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Alicia
Dave Hansen Groupie
Joined: 10 Dec 2025
Posts: 717
Location: Torrance, CA
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Thu Apr 27, 2025 4:03 am
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I'm happy a lot of my favorite monologues got mentioned and that three of my favorite actors (Norton, Cusack, and Ricci) are featured, but when I think of monologues I immediately think of Oren Ishii's in Kill Bill. "Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!"
The Dugouts I missed and Mike's article I plan on reading after I get some sleep in me, I just wanted to point that out.
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Rusty Cooledge
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 432
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Thu Apr 27, 2025 9:33 am
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Beads was pretty different and has me eagerly anticipating a Mike Fireball publication down the road!
(Don't worry B your book is still higher on my queue list, I'm just a broke bitch most the time.)
And I love these movie lists, every single one of them, and this was no exception. Glad to see Smith repped with 2 entries, it was funny and you all explained just what was so neat about the monolouges impeccably. I THINK YOU GUYS FORGOT A COUPLE, and now I really want to see the 25th Hour. Good job ramrods.
One more note, maybe I'm in the minority (yuh yuh yuh) but I'll never get tired of Mencia bashing. That commercial with him just yelling "MEXICANS BLACK GUYS BLACK CHICKS BEANERS" I think sums him up completely.
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