awkward situations

[meursault]

there was a topic about this on another board i go to and some were god damned hilarious. i can't think of any for myself on the spot, but here were some that other people had said:

my friends and I were all talking to our friend, kwame, and we were hadn't seen him in awhile. so his sister called and he left and came back and we were like "so what's that all about!" and he wouldn't tell us. so we kept bugging him until he was like "my sister was hospitalized for attempting suicide again." yeah we all felt like complete douchebags.


I work at an overnight summer camp.

It was night time, after taps when all the campers go to bed. Another counselor was on duty and I was sitting with her. This girl comes out of a cabin after a huge clap of thunder.

She said, "was that thunder?"

The other girl replied, "no, no. I just dropped something."

Then all of a sudden the girl starts tearing up and says, "I'm homesick."

"You don't look sick."

"No! I mean I miss home."

"It will be okay. I'm sure your mom and dad miss you, too."

"...I don't have a dad."


good stuff
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the whole world is waiting to see when you fall.
sound the fucking alarm.

[K-Funk All-Star]

My whole life is one big awkward moment. Like on my third-ever date with my husband, we ran into my ex-boyfriend.

"Um...hi, Joe. This is Ben, my...guy...that I'm seeing. Ben, this is Joe. My...um...well, we know each other anyway. Ha ha!"
"So how do you two kids know each other?"
"We just do. Great seeing you, Joe!"

I was just waiting for a big hole to open up and swallow me whole.
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[Blind Jack]

My family (grandparents, mother, brothers, sister, and I) were at my grandparents' house. We were only in town for a few days, so my mom invited her life-long friend Ted, who we know so well we call him Uncle Ted. Ted brought his family, which is his wife Nona, and his sons LB and Jason. Now, Ted is a hefty man, and Jason took after him in that respect. So my mother, older brother, and I were all standing in the living room as Ted and his family walked through the door. We got to watch

Grandpa: Holy cow, look at that kid! (gesturing to Jason)
*everone's eyes go wide*
Mom: Dad, maybe-
Grandpa: Well he's certainly got some weight on him! I mean, it's no surprise really, remember Teddy how you used to be really fat when you were his age?
Mom: DAD!
Grandpa: What, I'm just saying he's a big boy, we can all see that!

There was dead silence for 5 minutes.
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Nothing stops Eddie Guerrero.
Nothing stops him. He is fire.

[Adam]

There's this girl I've been talking to at school, and she had complained of not getting any mail. She was also really stressed out, so I took it upon myself to make her a macaroni heart and mail it to her.

She had been expecting the package for a week, so when it finally arrived she didn't bother going back to her room to open it. Instead, she opened it right in the commons...just as her ex-boyfriend was walking by.
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[Logan]

I remember when I was eleven or so, my parents and I went to my aunt's house whom I'd never met for a very early Christmas get-together. When we got there, I was introduced to my aunt, and not really anyone else.

Anyway, the only other person there my age was this little blond girl. She had brought one of her friends with her, and while the three of us were all sitting on a couch in one of the upstairs rooms watching a movie by ourselves, they started whispering and giggling to eachother. I asked what they were doing, and the friend gestured to the blond girl and said, "She likes you," or something like that.

After a few exchanged notes, we were dating. Which, to eleven year olds, pretty much meant that we were no longer going to talk to each other, but were going to constantly hold hands while looking in opposite directions.

After the movie, we walked back downstairs, hand in hand, to the adults who informed us that we were second cousins.

I remember my dad making fun of me all fucking night for that.
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... Songs From the Vatican Gift Shop.

[Daniel]

[Randy]

They hurt so good.
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[Justin]

Awkward?

Christmas dinner when my grandparents announced that they were getting a divorce. Nobody quite knew what to say, so after a couple of minutes we just started applauding.

Or the 4th of July when my mom brought her friend to a barbeque we were having, my aunt Caroline got all up in her grill after having one too many and punched her in her "stupid kike nose".
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[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote]

[Kyle]

[endlessmike]

you should have told him that's what they call a romance in kentucky!


(sorry about that)

[wagnike2]

Speaking of cousin stories, My friend James and I liked the same girl and I was being nice and allowing him first pass at her or whatever until one day when we were driving around town with her and we go by a place and James goes oh look it's my uncle cutting the grass and then she goes that's my uncle too. Needless to say it was quiet for like 5 minutes before i started laughing.

[B]

I spent about three weeks working for "The Great Steak & Potato Company" in our mall. I'm working the grill, making sandwiches for people, and my boss is at the register ringing people up. He spends the ENTIRE AFTERNOON just ripping into everybody he sees. Making fun of black people, Jewish people, teen girls, the works. Really shitty stuff, but it's kinda funny and I don't want to be a dick to my boss, so I laugh along with him.

About mid-day I'm desperate to fit in, and a really really fat lady comes up and orders a shitload of food. Like, six or seven subs, obviously to take home to her family. I make her food and my boss rings it up, chats with her for a couple of seconds, and she leaves.

I walk up and say to my boss, "Hey, how many of those subs do you think she was gonna eat herself?" He says, "which lady?" I say, "The one who was just here."

"That was my wife."

Yeah, didn't want to work there very much after that. Even if he totally deserved it.
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[mysterymeat]

I've got a huge one.

One time, my cousin's mom's friend's nephew or some other distant realitive came over to my house from Texas to get away from the hurricane. I did not know this guy at all, and I was trying to start a conversation. We were watching TV, and that marijuna commercial (where those two guys run over that girl) came on, and I said it was stupid how over-the-top they were acting. He looked at me, and you can probably guess what he said. "My wife was killed two months ago by a drunk driver." (well, you were close.)

[meursault]

[Frank Stallone]

[Jon]

This happened last year. B and I were grocery shopping at Kroger, and took our stuff to the lane to check out. I'm just standing in line with B, talking about whatever, when this extremely awkward-looking, skinny middle-aged guy steps in line behind us. He interrupts us to say that he recognizes me from Radio Shack, where I worked at the time.

The thing is, he has this comically high-pitched voice. Anyone who saw video of the interviewer who can't stop laughing that was linked in the bizarre links thread knows what I'm talking about. We're talking for a moment, and we can't help but crack up a little at the voice, but we hold it in as well as we can. Eventually the guy says, "Yeah, I knew I recognized you...brown hair, little bit of a goatee, kind of heavy-set..."

At this point B just starts laughing uncontrollably. He makes the "I'll be in the car" motion and walks out of line, barely able to stand. I myself am trying to keep in my laughter as much as possible but it's just not working. The thing is, I have like five more minutes left to kill with this guy before I check out. I respond by carrying on the joke that I am fat, saying things like, "Yeah, I don't really make the decisions, the gaping monstrosity that is my bulging pit does. I'm actually going to go home and make candy bars out of these sticks of butter, and this chocolate, and this salt! Can you believe it?"

The guy starts to feel bad, so he uses the two ounces of people skills he has to try to guess how much I weigh. In front of everybody. Which personally speaking wasn't a really big deal, but to the wrong person it could have been pretty bad. So it's a couple of minutes of

"200?"
"More."
"230?"
"Less."
"210?"
"More."
"223?"
"Less."

Eventually he guessed my weight correctly and opted to celebrate by high-fiving me. At that point I realized that pretty much everyone in my line and the line next to mine was staring at us. It stayed that way, in silence, until I mercifully got to check out and leave.

The thing that was really awkward about it for me was that even though if we were somewhere off in the store by ourselves and he had asked me that, I wouldn't have been bothered by it much at all, I would have just thought it was weird. Here, though, in front of a dozen or so people who are all watching me intently because I figure I will be or should be terribly embarrassed, was pretty awkward.

[Bismark]

I'm pretty sure I've told this one before.

Okay, years ago, living in my mother's house. I had a cat, Thompson. She was very fat. I also had a friend, Sarah. She was also very...much like Thompson.
One night, Sarah stopped by. Thompson had been outside for the evening, and came in at the same time. Sarah came in and sat down in the living room. Thompson ran into the kitchen to see if she'd been fed. She ran right past my mother, who was walking through the kitchen towards the living room. My mother says "Oh, you let the fat girl in?" just as she walks in and sees Sarah sitting there.

The best part was that my mother realized immediately, and couldn't decide if she should say something like "Oh, but I didn't mean YOU," or if she should just let it die right there.

She opted to stammer for a moment and then stand there in awkward silence for close to a full minute.
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[Blind Jack]

I want AwkwardJonas to post in here.
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Nothing stops Eddie Guerrero.
Nothing stops him. He is fire.

[awkwardjonas]

[Mugsy]

I didn't experience this personally, but someone I know did. The theater I work at had a copntest to see how many free club cards someone could uload, and the two winners 'got to' go out to an Outback dinner and limo ride free of charge with the GM. Now, stick with mehere for a minute;

1. the GM is a bitch. She's about 45 with a toad-face like I've never seen before and she sounds like Rob Zombie. And she is a BITCH LIKE NO OTHER. She is just consistantly a pain in the ass.

2. One of the winners is a girl who at first seond and third glance, you would think of as a middle school boy. Even her voice matches up. I've known her for months and I still call her 'bro' or 'dude' every so often. As well, she is also an ungodly bitch who cannot stop from screaming like a whore if she dosen't get her way. And she's more vulgar than any man I know. She cuts herself for one reason or another all the time, so you are always on edge when she is around, not wanting to be a reason for her next slash. It's a terrible situation.

3. My friend is socially crippled. All he ever does is talk about work, and at length, he is the most bored person I know, he insists on shaking your hand at every rotation of the minute hand, and he does so with a limp potato-salad-like grip that makes you feel gross as you let go. As well, he ALWAYS corners you and talks to you about something that happened at work, and every sentence ends with a terrible stab at sarcasm, and a loud HAHAHAHAHhahahahaha... That trails off, and makes you feel obliged to fake a laugh or smile.

DINNER FROM HELL.
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WAAAOOOOOOOWWWW!