192 RPG Video Game Cliches

[AtypicalChuck]

http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html

GOLD. I enjoyed these ones most:

Let's Start From The Very Beginning (Yuna Rule)
Whenever there is a sequel to an RPG that features the same main character as the previous game, that character will always start with beginner skills. Everything that they learned in the previous game will be gone, as will all their ultra-powerful weapons and equipment.


MacGyver Rule
Other than for the protagonists, your choice of weapons is not limited to the prosaic guns, clubs, or swords. Given appropriate skills, you can cut a bloody swath across the continent using gloves, combs, umbrellas, megaphones, dictionaries, sketching tablets -- you name it, you can kill with it. Even better, no matter how surreal your choice of armament, every store you pass will just happen to stock an even better model of it for a very reasonable price. Who else is running around the world killing people with an umbrella?


Bed Bed Bed
A good night's sleep will cure all wounds, diseases, and disabilities, up to and including death in battle.


Short Attention Span Principle
All bookshelves contain exactly one book, which only has enough text on it to fill up half a page.


Zeigfried's Contradiction
Just because someone is weird doesn't mean they're important.


And my two favs of all time:

Magical Inequality Theorem
In the course of your travels you may find useful-sounding spells such as Petrify, Silence, and Instant Death. However, you will end up never using these spells in combat because a) all ordinary enemies can be killed with a few normal attacks, making fancy attacks unneccessary, b) all bosses and other stronger-than-average monsters are immune to those effects so there's no point in using them for long fights where they'd actually come in handy, and c) the spells usually don't work anyway.

Magical Inequality Corollary
When the enemy uses Petrify, Silence, Instant Death, et cetera spells on you, they will be effective 100% of the time.

[Kirbyoto]

Yeah, I knew that one. The link, I mean. It's really awesome.

"Silly Squall, bringing a sword to a gunfight..."
No matter what timeframe the game is set in -- past, present, or future -- the main hero and his antagonist will both use a sword for a weapon. (Therefore, you can identify your antagonist pretty easily right from the start of the game just by looking for the other guy who uses a sword.) These swords will be far more powerful than any gun and often capable of distance attacks.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN?????

[AtypicalChuck]

I would take a sword along if I had to save the world. Just showing up with one tends to intimidate people; just like my first day of 4th grade!

[Rusty Cooledge]

The only RPG games I've ever played all the way through are Mario RPG and Final Fantasy 7. Luckily, most of these apply to FF7 perfectly. Great list.

EDIT: Best fucking one right here

153: "Mommy, why didn't they just use a Phoenix Down on Aeris?"
Don't expect battle mechanics to carry over into the "real world."
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[Justin]

My reasoning has always been that during battle your characters are merely rendered unconcious and a Phoenix Down acts as smelling salts would.
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[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote]

[B]

Yeah, you aren't "killed." You SWOON. It said so right there.
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[AtypicalChuck]

I think getting stabbed in the face with a claymore would result in more death and less swoon.

[7th]

How about the fact that a final boss is actually "final" 5 or six times before it's defeated?
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Nothing matters.

[AtypicalChuck]

187. "So, Andross, you reveal your true form!"
You will have to kill the evil villain at least twice at the end of the game. First the villain will look like a person or some creature and be rather easy to kill. Then he will grow to about 50 times the hero's size and be much harder to kill.

188. In Your Face, Jesus!
Even if you manage to deal with him that time, you're not done -- the villain will then transform into his final form, which is always an angelic winged figure with background music remixed for ecstatic chorus and pipe organ.

[Jordo]

To my knowledge, "The Legend of Dragoon" was the ultimate in RPG cliches.

[Alexandre]

[Kirbyoto]

If this is true, then you, sir, have done...

...y'know, something good. For the peoples.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN?????

[Justin]

Providing you're not bullshitting me, I want you to start posting a metric shit-ton more than you are now.
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[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote]

[Alexandre]

There's absolutely no way to verify this, since it happened nearly 5 years ago, but I'm the third contributor credited there. Number 108 is also mine.

But Justin, I've nearly posted TEN times! I don't want to overdo it.

[ilmilanese]

The Macguyver rule made me instantly think of Earthbound.

WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS FRYING PAN ANTIDOTE
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They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter!

[Dratini]

[Kirbyoto]

Actually, knowing Lucca, they probably DID fall in love and

OH GOD MY BRAINS

THEY ARE LITERALLY SPILLING ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK

I guess that's, uh, where I keep my computer.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN?????

[Dratini]

Even if they did, was the prejudice 1000 A.D. society really ready for a human/robot relationship?

[Kirbyoto]

The fanfiction community certainly is.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN?????

[Dratini]