Mike Fireball's Fucking Insane Roadtrip part 2

[B]

This is Lindy Kempe. She has done something for me that no other woman has ever done. Something so pleasurable and extensive that it has stuck in my mind for an entire week. It made me feel so good that I couldn't keep it a secret any longer, and am now starting a thread about it for no other reason than to brag.

Lindy took me to the zoo!

Destinys2ndKid: So what was the name of that zoo we went to?
IeatVIDEOgames: the Cleveland Metroparks zoo.
Destinys2ndKid: Okay, because I keep remembering it as "UGLY PEOPLE: THE ZOO."
IeatVIDEOgames: Hahaha

The reason we went (besides wanting to see caged beasts) was because on Mondays residents of whatever Ohio county get in for free. This means Mondays equate loosely to "the day when all the people not interested enough in the zoo to pay for it decide to go to the zoo." This means that the most heinously retarded, meandering jackoffs have introduced their offspring to the concept of "monkey" enough to make a day of it.

We had to park like 288000 miles away from the front gate and ended up at a tram stop with an old Middle Eastern guy and (I swear to God) Hamid. He was young Hamid, maybe 9 or 10. I tried SO HORD to get a picture of him. I even had Lindy go stand by him awkwardly, but every time he'd move into frame he'd start hopping up and down going "THA TRAM OVER DARE THA TRAM I SEE THA TRAAAAMMMM." And then it wouldn't be the tram. It would be a stick on the ground. But he'd fucking spaz every time because OH GOD THE TRAM. We decided to did fucking Hamid and walk. When we got to the gate, Hamid and friends rolled by on the stick.



That's a five dollar marmoset.

We spent too much time in the giftshop watching children go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MOMMY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH at the sticks with chomping animal heads stuck to the end, and at their general living malfeasance. If you've ever been to King's Dominion you know how rad ass the shopping is. They've got a candy store, a sports store, and a Sanrio store. It's like three golden stooges. The zoo has a room full of screaming children and another room without screaming children because it is full of Native American memorabilia. The best way to make anyone run screaming from a room is to fill it with Native American memorabilia. Guy goes on about the spirit of the buffalo and I'm motorcycle jumping into the bear pit.

Points of interest:

- Remember in Chrono Trigger when Lavos farts up all those Lavos Spawn, and they seem like a big deal until you run into a few more?



I swear to God it was like Venus Williams got hit in the top of her head with a ball pien hammer and broke into a dozen smaller versions. They all had clicky bead hair. It was like MOMA LOOK ALAFANT CLICK CLICK ALAFANT MOMA CLICK CLICK ELEAFANT. Some swahili kid walked by and had a shit fit. Who better than a fan of NEW YORK to put forty-leven new versions of herself into the world?

- Point of interest two:



Yeah, I know, right? I looked over at Lindy and she was making big eyed OMG face, and our Legos connected and I ran over to get the picture. We ran into him again at the seal pool, where he was CRUSHING AND THROWING CARS.

- We didn't get a picture, but the best moment of the day came when we were watching the Siberian Tigers, or as a passerby suggested, "Suburban Tigers." All of the funniest moments happened while we were just standing there watching tigers walk back and forth. One guy got upset when a tiger walked into "his house." He goes AW MAN HE GOIN IN HIS HOUSE and seriously turns and BOLTS away, like the tiger would step on a booby trapped welcome mat and blow us all up. Patience is a virtue, duder, and even if it isn't they've walked in and out of the "house" on a fucking set pattern every twenty seconds for the last ten minutes.

The best was when one of the tigers decided to cool off in the little wading pool in their biome thing. A large black woman was standing with an SLR camera trying to get a shot even though all we could see was the tiger's tail flapping up and down out of the water. One of her kids runs up to the gate and screams out WOOORK IT GIIIIIIRLLLLL!!!! at the top of its lungs. We burst into laughter and moved on. We're still laughing now. And that tiger is hopped up on speed pills and giving a blowjob to Antonio Sabato Jr.

Yes, I also took a picture of some of the animals. You guys (well, most of you guys) know I'm an avid (secret) pet photographer. I say that because I posted in the photography thread once with some dog photos. I don't know, Superculz might think of me as a scuba enthusiast, who the fuck knows. But anyway:





In conclusion, the zoo is a land of contrast. Beezo and I had a blast and I hope to go back again soon, hopefully arriving early enough to still have strength in my legs when we get into the actual park. OH GOD THE WALKING.

Remember folks, Dr. Zoolittle has shows at 11:30, 1:30, and 3:30.



Dr. Zoolittle? That's not even trying. Why not call him ADMIRAL ANIMAL LOOKER ATTER. Oh well, finger in the nose.
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[Lindy]

Reading that made me relive all of those golden moments. However you forgot to mention the Rhinoceros swimming.

I am in favor for a Progressive Boink field trip to a zoo one day. Much fun would be had.
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shrieking raccoon on a jetpack

[B]

[Neil]

[Mando]

I wanna go on a fieldtrip to the zoo with Lindy <3.
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My pumpkin is more scene than your pumpkin.

[B]

I have a 60 gig iPod filled up with 15,000 copies of Tom Cochran's "Life is a Highway" ready to go, so anybody who wants me to be a part of their road trip should feel free.

I've never wanted P-Boi's forum to turn into the X-Entertainment "WE ARE ALL SEX PALS IN REAL LIFE" forum so I've never gotten behind a "meeting" or "convention" or anything. But I've met or talked on the phone to everyone on staff (besides folby, which changes in a month when we go see KENTA KOBASHI EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, and Bill) and spent some time with folks from the forum (like dinner with television's Blind Jack, or making A Huge Dog help move my furniture) so I can say from experience that we're a cool bunch of cats and would get along well in our real life's event function.
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[Bismark]

[Mando]

I've only met Blind Jack. We had a sleepover, except he was a loser and went to bed early.


I've also talked to Chuck and Ronin on the telephone.
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My pumpkin is more scene than your pumpkin.

[Blind Jack]

Well thank god I finally got to hear the rest of the story, because for a while there I thought I would never find out more about the big teaster/trailer Mike Fireball left us with, and I only wish the guy the best.



Amanda is an incredibly sweet, charming, beautiful young lady. I'm glad I got to hang out with her and have her dad give me understandably menacing looks.

I only met Emily for all of 2 seconds, but she seemed very nice. And Jon was way too cool about my Secret Santa gift being an entire season late.

B was a great dinner guest. I suggest to all of you that you spend some time with him.

And I've got more plans for next summer!
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Nothing stops Eddie Guerrero.
Nothing stops him. He is fire.

[Nachogrl01]

OK, this is where I ask everyone how close they are to NH because I have never been to a real zoo, and want to go w/ a stranger from the internet.


Hey Guys! how close are all of you to NH?
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C'mon, everybody likes to jiggle!

[Blind Jack]

Holy smokes, that just sounded like 3rd grade Safety Tips: Never go with a stranger to the zoo.
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Nothing stops Eddie Guerrero.
Nothing stops him. He is fire.

[fatelvis04]

[Daniel]

I met Jon and that motherfucker led me around Louisville for forty-five minutes when the road I had been looking for was all of fifty feet away in the first place.

We did go to the DQ together though, that was fun.
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them's jokes, boy

[More Like]

[Greg]

Last time I went to a zoo was in Boise two years ago. They had more animal sculpters than animals. I miss the gopher holes at Marine World.

God, everyone I'm friends with online live on the east coast. I thought the internet was all about making couples!
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[Randy]

I took a girl on a date to the botanical gardens in Fort Worth. I arranged for a special tour and then dinner in a nearby mom and pop place. I went all out. We got a quarter mile from our turn, and we passed the Fort Worth Zoo, where she promptly got all girlysqueal. Were I to have achieved only mild disappointment with my stupid lame garden tour and dinner, I would have been a resounding success.

Let this be a lesson, men. Always go to the fucking zoo.
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[DJ Jazzy Jeff]

Oh yeah, well...I live one freeway exit away from the Los Angeles zoo.

So while you're all enjoying your COLD EAST COAST WINTER having fun together at the zoo, I'll be surfing with the cast of Baywatch so there.

The last time I was at the zoo was probably Featherdale wildlife preserve where you can feed kangaroos and wallabies and get chased by emu. I tried to tell a little Japanese boy not to stand so close to the emu but he just looked at me and walked closer. I held a koala. He was soft aand he smelled like eucalyptus. When I was twelve I got lost at the "sick animals" section of the San Diego zoo and didn't see another human for 8 hours.
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Like hot naked chicks? Click here.

[gotmyphilosophy]

that is the most excellent adventure ever.

at first i was going to say "what a bogus journey! all the way to ohio from west virginia!" then, i realized that the states are adjacent.

my heart fills with jealousy and love.
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Soy loco por las Cornballs

[Jim]

Indianapolis has an excellent zoo, which I have been attending since birf. My question is, who's coming with me? Huh? Who's coming with me?
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[Daniel]