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ctoner
CUP OF WATER W/ A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 258
Location: Chicago, IL
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 Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 3:51 am
Post subject: Drafting an Animal Football Team |
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It's late, and I'll save my Animal Draft when I have more sleep, but we did this in high school once and it was quite fun and made for some good debates.
In lieu of Klosterman's Gorilla question (which had a pretty obvious answer - yes, I'm going to let an intelligent, 600 pound gorrilla into a league where the heaviest guy only weighs 300 pounds), if you had to draft an entire football team of animals, what animals from the kingdom would make up what positions? Why?
CHALLENGE: No Air Bud or Most Vertical Primate jokes.
example -
Defensive tackles: Polar Bears. Polar bears are strong, ruthless mugs that could take an opponent's head off in one swing. Let alone a block. They can also move, too, making it hell on any quarterback swinging out of the pocket.
Secondary: Wolfpack. Wolves can jump; wolves can swarm; wolves can run fairly quickly. If dogs can catch frisbees, wolves can catch footballs. And Natty Gans.
etc.
Have fun. |
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Greg
Ness Vet
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 751
Location: Potatoes
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 8:45 am
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Elephants- defensive line
A red-tailed hawk- quarterback
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Mike
The king of pop
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 1674
Location: Weird NJ
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 8:59 am
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Dragons.
All dragons.
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Dollo
CUP OF WATER W/ A HANDFUL OF SUGAR
Joined: 11 Aug 2025
Posts: 526
Location: Stop stalking me already!
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 9:05 am
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Win.
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No one Ever Really Dies. |
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Bismark
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1639
Location: ...blue?
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 11:07 am
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tanukis
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| Quote: |
| I don't even know where to begin as a director to say "okay, now make the firetruck land on these guys." |
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Kirbyoto
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1478
Location: Pfft
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 11:27 am
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Oh, 'cause they could fly over the opposing line and then turn into statues to confuse the hell out of them, right?
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH U WOMAN????? |
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B
= Best!!11
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2096
Location: Bristol, VA
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 11:55 am
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I would choose "man" for all positions because man understands and knows how to play the game of football. Besides, unless you've got malicious elephants a man could just run around the side.
I would also dress the men in spikes and give them a gun that shoots football.
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AtypicalChuck
CUP OF WATER W/ A HANDFUL OF SUGAR
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 683
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Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:02 pm
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I would have it be played only by dolphins because they are fast and smart and have superior snout thumping skills.
Then you can like, call it blitzball Thomas Haden Church |
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Frank Stallone
Such a jokester
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 986
Location: Beautiful
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:05 pm
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I fail to see the purpose of this thread.
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I GOT IRATE AND FETCHED MY MAGIC MARKER AND WROTE "WORLDS INCORRECT GRANDMOM" ON ALL HER SUNDAY DRESSES
GATHER ROUND THE GOOD STUFF INDEED |
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B
= Best!!11
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2096
Location: Bristol, VA
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:09 pm
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To determine which animals would play which positions given the hypothetical reality that you are in charge of an animal football team.
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Frank Stallone
Such a jokester
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 986
Location: Beautiful
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:22 pm
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I don't get it.
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I GOT IRATE AND FETCHED MY MAGIC MARKER AND WROTE "WORLDS INCORRECT GRANDMOM" ON ALL HER SUNDAY DRESSES
GATHER ROUND THE GOOD STUFF INDEED |
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Ronin
World Record Thread Locker
Joined: 12 Aug 2025
Posts: 770
Location: Your underwear drawer
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:22 pm
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Nothing in this thread will ever top Mutant Leauge Football. Ever.
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Flame-broiled souls. |
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B
= Best!!11
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2096
Location: Bristol, VA
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:26 pm
Post subject: |
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| Frank Stallone wrote: |
| I don't get it. |
Animals have certain physical attributes that are comparable to humans, i.e. strength, speed, stamina, and so on. If they were organized in a way that allowed them to play football, this thread seeks to determine which position each animal would play.
For example, "Bat's not in the playbook...but it should be!"
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Frank Stallone
Such a jokester
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 986
Location: Beautiful
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:40 pm
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I do not see how any of this ties in with political strife at home and abroad.
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I GOT IRATE AND FETCHED MY MAGIC MARKER AND WROTE "WORLDS INCORRECT GRANDMOM" ON ALL HER SUNDAY DRESSES
GATHER ROUND THE GOOD STUFF INDEED |
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B
= Best!!11
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2096
Location: Bristol, VA
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:44 pm
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It isn't supposed to. This thread specifically is about assigning athletic positions to different species of animal. For example, you could say "defensive line blue whale" and lay a whale across the football court. It doesn't have anything to do with Southeast Asia's current economic crisis but it will sure score you some foot ball runs!
I think if you read closely you will understand this thread.
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Randy
randy
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 902
Location: texas
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:46 pm
Post subject: |
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| Is football played on courts in this hypothetical world taken from the children's book "The 11th Hour?" |
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Frank Stallone
Such a jokester
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 986
Location: Beautiful
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:46 pm
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I'd pick two giraffes facing opposite directions to be the goalposts.
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I GOT IRATE AND FETCHED MY MAGIC MARKER AND WROTE "WORLDS INCORRECT GRANDMOM" ON ALL HER SUNDAY DRESSES
GATHER ROUND THE GOOD STUFF INDEED |
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B
= Best!!11
Joined: 09 Aug 2025
Posts: 2096
Location: Bristol, VA
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:48 pm
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That's the spirit! I would pick a pig to be the football. As I understand it!!!
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Bismark
DIET SODER POP
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 1639
Location: ...blue?
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 1:56 pm
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If we sold tickets to only plankton WE COULD BE SO RICH $$$$
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| Quote: |
| I don't even know where to begin as a director to say "okay, now make the firetruck land on these guys." |
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Frank Stallone
Such a jokester
Joined: 10 Aug 2025
Posts: 986
Location: Beautiful
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| Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2025 2:00 pm
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I'd have my running back be a porcupine. No one wants to tackle a porcupine! They literally have quills that hurt when you touch them, and these quills cover a good portion of their exterior.
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I GOT IRATE AND FETCHED MY MAGIC MARKER AND WROTE "WORLDS INCORRECT GRANDMOM" ON ALL HER SUNDAY DRESSES
GATHER ROUND THE GOOD STUFF INDEED |
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