Help me make sense of wrasslin

[webber]

Ok so this is more of a catch me up on what is going on in wrestling these days because I have no idea thread than a you guys know wrestling is fake right thread. Anyway, I just watched Raw tonight for lack of something else to do and I thought it was kinda weird. The last time I watched wrestling would have been at least 6-7 years ago, when WCW was still around. So I have some questions.

I gather raw and smackdown are competing or something? What is that about? And what are Eric Bischoff and Shawn Michaels still doing around?
Didn't Mick Foley retire years ago?
Man, Ric Flair is looking old.
Who are the champions at the moment? I gather this Batitista or whatever is one of them, and John Cena is another one? How many championships are there these days? The same amount?
JR is fired now?
I thought Steve Austin was kinda in disgrace. I guess the rednecks think it's pretty cool that he beats his wife and everything, but how did WWE bring him back without seeming like tremendous dickheads?
What is the deal with this thing where you vote? What, you vote for who you want to win? Has wrestling given up the pretense that it is real or something?
Where have the dudes with the costumes/gimmicks gone? I only watched it for like an hour but apart from Mick Foley all I saw were a lot of people in different coloured undies, it was hard to tell them apart.
Ok and fill me in on the major story arcs please. I probably wont watch it again but you know it is interesting to catch up with I guess.

[Sgt_Pompous]

I gather raw and smackdown are competing or something? What is that about? I think they're supposed to be, but no one cares.

And what are Eric Bischoff and Shawn Michaels still doing around? Wrestling likes old people.

Didn't Mick Foley retire years ago? Yes, but he still shows up around big events like Wrestlemania or Raw going to a new channel

Man, Ric Flair is looking old.

Who are the champions at the moment? I gather this Batitista or whatever is one of them, and John Cena is another one? How many championships are there these days? The same amount? Not quite sure, Dlo would be better suited to answer that.

JR is fired now? Kicked in the balls by Linda McMahon.

I thought Steve Austin was kinda in disgrace. I guess the rednecks think it's pretty cool that he beats his wife and everything, but how did WWE bring him back without seeming like tremendous dickheads? When you drill a McMahon, all is forgiven.

What is the deal with this thing where you vote? What, you vote for who you want to win? Has wrestling given up the pretense that it is real or something? You have to vote for matches on one of the pay per views.

Where have the dudes with the costumes/gimmicks gone? I wish I knew.
_________________
The bucks flock here

[Millinois Sith]

[pholby]

Shawn Michaels is around because he can be. He had a very Breakfast Serious back injury in 1997 that required him to stop wrestling, so he did. He didn't decide to stop, get surgery, and return 9 months later, he just stopped. He had a handful of on-air but non-wrestling things he did, like be a comissioner, but for the most part, he just up and left. Four years later he came back, again in an on-air but non-wrestling role. Him and his doctors had decided that his back was good enough for him to come back and wrestle at least once, and possibly part-time. So he did. He had a match against HHH at Summerslam in August of 2002. After that, he was still feeling good, so he kept having matches, generally limited to one a month. Ever since then his back has held up, so the frequency of his matches generally increased to essentially full-time. (I'm not sure whether he wrestles once a week on tv, or additionally at house shows.) So Michaels is still around because he took 4 years off with his back injury.

[B]

Your greatest ability to understand wrestling is to not consider what's going on on WWE television as "what is going on with wrestling." I'm still shocked that anybody can do that and call themselves a fan, which might explain why you're curious but probably not going to watch it.

If the WWE was all I had I would've stopped watching wrestling years ago. I probably wouldn't have continued very far after the Rock n' Wrestling Era, and I only would've been interested in that because I was five years old. "Ring of Honor" (and independent federation operating largely in the US Northeast) and Japan are the only things keeping me going, really, and they keep me going strong. There are things to like about the E, but they largely rely on my ability to accept the absurdity of wrestling. Carlito, Ken Kennedy (Kennedy), Kurt Angle's mouthpiece, etc.

I wish I could make you a wrestling mix tape.
_________________

[Mike]

I want a wrestling mixtape!
_________________

[cxc]

Maaan, I'd pay for a B-authored wrestling mixtape.

[dlomyhero]

[B]

What if I made it a weekly feature here on the forum? Every Friday or something I could put up a new match to download, and we could discuss/dissect it here as part of the overall "mix tape." It would be like a bookclub, only with wrestling matches chosen by me.

All in favor?
_________________

[Justin]

WWE is fun once you get over the fact that you're not watching in-ring mastery and instead learn to appreciate the absurdity of what it is you're watching. Laughing at stuff like the Diva Search and the Masterlock Challenge is the only way to really enjoy the product they're putting out between the occasional great match.
_________________
[quote="Bismark"]Didn't you know? Having uncontrollable shits is wicked scene.[/quote]

[Jim]

[Rusty Cooledge]

[Lindy]

YASE DO IT
_________________
shrieking raccoon on a jetpack

[dlomyhero]

doitdoitdoitdoitdoit
_________________
Asked yesterday whether it would eventually release a revised edition of "Opal Mehta," a little brown spokesman declined to comment.

[cxc]

In the absence of a clever image to relay the same information, I present the following:

I support this idea.

[Millinois Sith]

IF anybody opposes this idea I'm going to tie him to a chair, put one of those Clockwork Orange eye-openers on him and make him watch a beamer image of Mae Young giving birth to a hand on loop.
_________________

[B]

All right, we'll begin the P-Boi Wrestling Mix Tape tonight. If you have any friends or online best buds who are into wrestling or have a passing interest in it, get them in here. The point of this is to not only expose people to good wrestling but to discuss why it is good wrestling, what makes it enjoyable, and every little dissectable aspect.

Some of the choices will be mainstream. WWE, TNA. There will be Ring of Honor, of course, and Japan. I'll get some stuff from Mexico. We'll watch the obscure and the big names. So tell everyone you know, it starts tonight. We're going to have a hell of a lot of fun.

Requirements:

- A high-speed connection. Even shorter matches will run up into the double-digit MB. Most of the great matches are over 50.

- A good attitude. Even if you don't like the match. Tell us why. Tell us why with every nitpicky shitty thing you can think of, and be prepared to have that challenged. If you tell me you hate Ebessan I will try to gut you with my forum's text typing functions, but it's all in the spirit of discussion. This is for fun, and there's nothing more fun to me than wrestling.

- a picture of you writing my name on your chest

- wait

- I think that's it. Keep an open mind! The first match will be Kennel from Hell wait no
_________________

[webber]

[Jon]

If a wrestling equivalent of Ken Burns' "Baseball" is made for wrestling, B should be the one to put it together. As long as he interviewed me.

He was booed! HOGAN WAS BOOED

[dlomyhero]

In other news, did anyone else see Benoit's nasty bump on his suicide dive against B-Tizzle?
_________________
Asked yesterday whether it would eventually release a revised edition of "Opal Mehta," a little brown spokesman declined to comment.