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I_Tripped_NFL: And NBA was all, "my logo is Jerry West" and I said, "No, your logo is the Little Mermaid with Jerry West's haircut." Then I asked him if that was why basketball fights are so awkward.

u_belong_at_MLB's: like your fights are any better

u_belong_at_MLB's: fighters should only wear helmets in the context of a) the road rash video games or b) war

u_belong_at_MLB's: the fact that your players are dressed with more protection than most armies should put things in perspective a little

I_Tripped_NFL: Eh, doesn't really bother me. These days people see football as a metaphor for war. At the rate we're globalizing, in a couple hundred years war will be a metaphor for football.

u_belong_at_MLB's: oh hey look i wrote another article

I_Tripped_NFL: Oh goody, I hope it's just as good as the last one. Let's take a look here.

I_Tripped_NFL: Wait, this article is just one gigantic advertisement.

u_belong_at_MLB's: hey what are you trying to say

u_belong_at_MLB's: look at the disclaimer at the bottom of the article!

"This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs."

u_belong_at_MLB's: think twice before you question our journalistic integrity

I_Tripped_NFL: Oh, my mistake! I'm so sorry!

I_Tripped_NFL: I can just imagine what the MLB.com newsroom is like.

I_Tripped_NFL: There's some spry, wiry young apprentice that bursts into the office clutching a paper and cupping one hand to his mouth as he yells, "BOSS! WE JUST RECEIVED WORD FROM THE SHIP-TO-SHORE!"

I_Tripped_NFL: A weathered old man wearing a poker visor adjusts his spectacles, gives it a read, and through his cigar exclaims, "Boys, we have a gem! A real front-pager! Clancy, I want a write-up on the double!"

I_Tripped_NFL: Immediately a suspendered fellow wearing a bowler hat with a "PRESS" slip sticking out of the brim hunches over his typewriter and begins clacking away! The old man frantically taps away on the telegraph machine! Thanks to the ingenuity of modern man, in the dead of winter, a modest radio hut in Toledo receives word that everyone in town has been awaiting with baited breath:

I_Tripped_NFL: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SAN DIEGO PADRES THEMED FLIP FLOPS"

I_Tripped_NFL: An urchin hawks a stack of newspapers on the street corner. "EXTRY! EXTRY! I AM IMPLYING THAT BUYING ALL THIS TRITE SHIT WILL KEEP YOU WARM DURING WINTER"

I_Tripped_NFL: And a little girl, bedridden by advanced stages of typhus, hears the urchin's cries from the street and smiles.

I_Tripped_NFL: and then the media watchdog bites through his flesh and gives him the goddamn rabies