**OnlineHost** You have entered the Chicago Cubs Spring Training chatroom.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: HEY FUCKFACE STOP BULLSHITTING OUT THERE YOU'VE BEEN COMMITTING ERRORS ALL SPRING

Soriano4_2004: I'm sorry, I've been doing my best. It's just that I'm not an actual outfielder.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: HORSESHIT YOUR HAT SAYS "OUTFIELD"

Soriano4_2004: it's actually just the letter C

Hey, they haven't let me speak to my family since I was pulled from my bed in the middle of the night and force-marched to Washington a year ago. Could I please contact my children and let them know that their daddy is okay?

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: WE DON'T HAVE PHONES IN HERE

Soriano4_2004: What do you do when you need to call the bullpen?

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: WHO'S IN MY BULLPEN RIGHT NOW, RYAN DEMPSTER AND BOB HOWRY? WHAT WOULD I EVER WANT WITH THOSE COCKSUCKERS

Soriano4_2004: Well anyway, I'm a second baseman. I've been trying to tell everyone that for a year now. Nobody is listening.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: WHAT

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: YOU'RE A SECOND BASEMAN

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: ARE YOU SHITTING MY DICK OFF

Soriano4_2004: I'm telling the truth. Look, it makes perfect sense. I'm one of the best offensive players in baseball. If I could fill a position that's least known for its offensive capability, I'd be even more valuable. Why don't I just play second?

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME BEFORE, I WOULD HAVE TOLD MARK DEROSA TO GO FEEL A TIT

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: I AM DOING SUCH A SHIT JOB HERE

MarkPrevious: hey coach i managed to climb myself out of that well and am healthy for the first time since 2003, do you want me to win 18 games this year or something

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: NO I LET YOU PITCH 10 INNINGS IN A PRESEASON TRAINING LEAGUE AND YOU BARFED A FART

MarkPrevious: So wait, you don't want me to play? This is madness!

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: ...

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey:

THIS

IS

SPARTA

/kicks Mark Prior back into well

**OnlineHost** MarkPrevious has been booted from the chatroom.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID

/breaks bottle of Jim Beam across own head

lumberjacks_kerrywood: I guess this is a bad time to tell you that i'm on the disabled list again

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: ARE YOU THE BLACK GUY

Soriano4_2004: No, that's me.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: PUT YOUR HAT ON

Soriano4_2004: I already have my hat on.

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: /deep breath

FUUUUUUUUUUCK