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**Online Host**
You have entered the Mansion of Heaven chatroom. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /shakes off cobwebs
/fumbles with slip of paper
what the fuck is a concourse
what is that some kind of fucken birdimal |
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The_Scooter: Kid. Don't be scared. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: is this iowa |
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The_Scooter: No, son, it's Heaven. The Yankee Heaven! |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: the yankees have their own specific heaven |
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The_Scooter: Ha, well, kinda. It ain't really "Yankee Heaven," they just send the Bombers to the same Gate in a kind of sense of fellowship. We just call it Yankee Heaven 'cause we're like that. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i bet oriole heaven is fucken huh LARRY us
call ripken an eddie murphy in luxury boxes an then a bunch a deformt sloth looken halfricans with needles hangen out their legsplit losen badly at t-balls to a bunch a dead eight year olds |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: scuse me can you point me tword the ar-tard in charge of the beautiful white light so i can pull his dick backwards an up out his ass for maken me die all the way |
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The_Scooter: It's a rough transition, brother, I'll tell you that. Here, I wrote you a charitable poem to ease your transition.
/removes folded piece of paper from pocket
/unfolds
"Terrible.
Terrible what's happening in that situation.
And with all that going on down in Arkansas.
Boy.
They're still showing those pictures on TV
Of the damage down in Arkansas
By the way,
Are we going to Arkansas today,
Moore?
O that's in for a base hit!
Two runs will score!
No they won't." |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what the fuck was that |
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The_Scooter: what |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no seriously rirruto what the fuck was that did you have yer brain removt and replaced with a sack a fucken shaq pogs
is that how you dite |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wait who else is up here
is catfish hunter up here, that stache was 0.9 magganum p.i. |
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The_Scooter: Yep, Jim's here. He pitched a perfect game a few weeks ago. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: who the fuck is jim
is yogi bear up here |
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The_Scooter: No, Yogi's not dead yet. 82 and going strong! |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: son of a bench stole my pic-o-nic basket
im gonna christ-stab the shit out a that fucken smart ass bear with a spear when he gets up here
/punches palm |
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**Online Host**
A small group of Yankee Greats have entered the chatroom. |
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the_mick: Hey Phil, what's the big idea, we're supposed to meet Halas and Oates in room 20 for poker, why the hold up?
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: look out phil he's irish |
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The_Scooter: Take it easy Comet, I was just breakin' in the new guy. |
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atll_do_pig: an who the hell is this? |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh no when did john goodman die |
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Marilyn_Munson: Wait a minute, is that that Farnsworth kid? |
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the_mick: The scary guy with the skeleton face that's always goin' ka ka ka ka ka? |
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Marilyn_Munson: Nah, that guy's not a Yankee... this is his broth-
-wait, are you two brothers? |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fuck if i know |
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atll_do_pig: Nah... you know, yer right! This is KYLE Farnsworth, relief pitcher! The guy who gets into all the fights! |
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Joltin_Joe: Yyyeah! Ah kid, I gotta tell you, great job with those fights. |
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the_mick: Yeah, very entertainin'. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: glad to be of servants
thats how i endit up in this corn stand, i bit off more of it than i could chew with my mouth an not die fisticuffen a wing-ed elderly man with ill intent for the kansas citied royals |
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Joltin_Joe: /looks over Kyle's information
Hey Scooter, you dolt, did you even read this? |
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The_Scooter: Yes! I mean, no! I mean, what? |
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Joltin_Joe: /points
/shows everybody |
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Marilyn_Munson: Ohhhh. Kid, you aren't supposed to be up here. This isn't the place for you! |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: are you senden me to the oriole heaven
cause honusly id rather take my chances in the seventh level of hell with all the usurers an sodomites
got pretty used to that playen for the yankees |
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Marilyn_Munson: No, you're not going to Hell. You're going back to Earth. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: was it not my time to go |
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Marilyn_Munson: No, it was your time. The time was fine. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: was i the victem a some great injustice |
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Marilyn_Munson: No, nothing like that. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: is there some great purpose for me on the earth |
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Marilyn_Munson: No sir, no greater purpose. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: then why are you senden me back |
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Marilyn_Munson: Because you're pretty much the worst fucking New York Yankee ever and we don't want to hang out with you anymore. |
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the_mick: An we're late for poker! So beat it! Scram, kiddo! |
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atll_do_pig: /shoves Kyle out of the gate |
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**Online Host**
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth is now falling to Earth!
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: curse youuu bam beanoooooo
cuuuuuuuurseee yoooouuuuuuuu
you butt fuckerrrssssssssss |
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**Online Host**
You have entered the Night Falls on Earth Chatroom!
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Gato: /stares out of window |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /begins to rise up from the bottom of the ocean
/reaches for surface |
