DoctorProctor: so the Red Sox are trying to brainwash Kyle, and all of a sudden freaking Kurt Stillwell or whoever bursts in and starts uppercutting peoples' heads off!

Gato: How did you get into the Red Sox Chatroom without anybody noticing?

DoctorProctor: i, uh, showed up and tried to say hello

DoctorProctor: And Stillwell had a magical motorcycle like Ghost Rider, and his head was on FIRE, like, whoossshhhh

he asked Kyle to follow him and I think BJ Upton to Arkansas on the bike to group-kill an old businessman.

DoctorProctor: I'll be honest, most of the time I don't have any idea what's going on in this chatroom.

Gato: Oh. /sits down

/turns head slightly

DoctorProctor: Aw don't be sad, Cat, I know Kyle better than anybody. Better than he knows himself. He and I are kinda best friends.

DoctorProctor: Sometimes when he's fired up and spouting vinegar about those piece of shit Irish diaspora, I try to see behind what he's saying. It's hard, and I failed miserably at it forever, but I stuck around long enough to figure him out.

DoctorProctor: I feel like it's me inside of him, writing his voice. Figuring out what he's supposed to say.

DoctorProctor: He'll be fine. Besides, we're just in a chatroom full of baseball players cursing at each other.

Gato: I don't think I'm worried about that so much as I am about... well, I don't know how to say it...

Gato: He's just a fury, you know? He comes from a really bohemian, passionate spot down below. What happens if he leaves and he comes back differently?

Gato: If this all ends and we have to start over somewhere else, where do we go from here?

DoctorProctor: He's somebody, like everybody. Does what he's done lately erase what he's done before? I sure hope not.

DoctorProctor: Maybe a lot of it has to do with growing up. Losing people. Moving on and never stopping.

DoctorProctor: Closing your eyes, saying what comes off the top of your head, and hoping people embrace you for it.

Gato: Scott...

DoctorProctor: Yeah?

Gato: What if... what if he dies?

What if Kyle dies, Scott?

DoctorProctor: Then he'll go to wherever the hell would take a dead Kyle Farnsworth.

DoctorProctor: And I'll be sad a little bit every day for the rest of my life.

Gato: Where do you think we go when we die?

DoctorProctor: I like to think we're energy, you know, a part of the big picture. When we die we get to get used for something big and wonderful.

DoctorProctor: My Grandmother believed in the Heaven you read about, with the pearly gates and St. Peter and the streets paved with gold.

DoctorProctor: I don't know how something like that could exist, but when I remember my Grandmother, I can't imagine her being wrong.

Gato: Aw. :)

Gato: *says prayer*

Kyle, good luck, wherever you are. I'm with you. And I hope Kurt Stillwell-

DoctorProctor: or whoever

could've been Mike Macfarlane

DoctorProctor: Hey, wherever we go, I bet it'll sure beat sitting in front of the computer all day!

**Online Host**
You have entered the Mansion of Heaven chatroom

LidleHands: hahah yeah dude there, no shit, Puckett was there... a pair of legs just sitting on a cloud down by the baggage claim.

daryll_ghostbusters: that is messed up

TheGreatIM: Turns out they belong to Ron Santo. I'm keeping them on ice until he gets here.

Dry ice, of course, because Heaven is on top of the clouds and therefore we don't get any rainfall or an operable source of water up here.

daryll_ghostbusters: I bet his handle is "SantoClause".

LidleHands: SantoMaria

daryll_ghostbusters: El Ron

LidleHands: El Hijo del Ron

TheGreatIM: Stop making fun of Ron Santo, he was a great player and el enmascarado impresionante.

And his screen name is "Saint_of_Running."

Nancy: ah, pardon me Jesus, but we got a bit of a problem here

TheGreatIM: What's the matter, Buck?