The Dugout :: MLB Official Chatroom AIM Log

The Dugout
By B - 9-5-07
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"Kyle? Is that you, son? I can't hear you." The sounds of a rumbling subway train screeching to a halt. Shoulders brushing, bags crunching and sliding alongside hurried footsteps.
"Yeah Dad, it's me. I need to talk to you about something."
"Are you all right? Is everything all right?"
"No. I mean, yeah. Yeah, everything's fine." Kyle's voice broke as he lowered his eyes. "It's about Jeff."
"Jeff?"
"Yeah. Dad, is Jeff really my brother? I mean, for real? Biologically?"
"What are you talking about, Kyle? Are you in trouble?"
Kyle breathed deeply and sharpened his tone. "Yes, everything is fine, I told you. Is Jeff my brother or isn't he?"
"Who the Hell is Jeff? What are you asking me?"

The train doors slid shut and the shoulders, and the bags, and the hurried footsteps resting silently between them moved on to God knows where.
"Dad, I'm talking about my brother Jeff. Jeff Farnsworth."
"You don't have a brother named Jeff. Are you trying to mess with me?"
Kyle's breath dropped in and out as he stumbled against the wall. His dufflebag dropped to the ground as the phone switched shoulders, and from across the station Kyle could see children passing, trying not to make eye contact with the musicians playing furiously for their day.
"Kyle, I don't know what you're asking me. I don't know what kind of a world you've created for yourself up there, but I don't understand it."

Kyle shuffled to the edge of the track and closed the phone.

	Gato: What'd your Dad say?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: nothen but some mr. t in a sombrero-quality jibbered jabber after i hung up on him i went to the top a the empire states builden an split-fingert my sale phone into the evenin skies it should be landen upside my dads fucken dome in kansas sometime tomorrow
	Gato: so he's your brother? He's not your brother?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well in the eyes of christ we are all brothers
	Gato: If that's true, wouldn't that make you and me brothers?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah an carltin from the fresh prince, an that guy is such a white
	ethier_or: lol
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yo mtv craps!!!! if the christ sees us as brothers that means i been taken the nestea plunge with my brother!!!!!
	Gato: Well yeah, by definition, but can we not discuss our sex life in front of the Los Angeles Dodgers?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: if the dodger daddies dont take the dodger daughters to the primate house to watch the baboons maken butt sundaes there never gonna learn where brad penny came from
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: that guys got a neck like kevin maas, he looks like a gangrene fucken thumb
	Gato: So is he your brother or isn't he??
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: who kevin maas pisshhh i wish, kevin maas' name may only be whispert in hushed tones amongst ted williams an joe the maggio an maybe like bip roberts
	Gato: No, Kyle, what did your Dad say?
	DoctorProctor: Yeah, what'd he say?
	Online Host DoctorProctor has been kicked from the chatroom.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: he said scott proctor is a douche cord for not sayen goodbye
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: he also said hes got no idea who jeff farnsworth is, which makes him exactly like evrybody else on the got damn planet
	Gato: So what do you do? What about all those memories? How can you even explain it??
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well lets see
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: over the last three years i've playt major league baseball for the chicago cubs, the detroit tigers, the atlanta braves, and the new york yankees
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ive travelt to the orient to whomp the hipshit out of a chinaman for stealen my identity over the internet
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i navigated the ocean to break bad on a fictional character for causing techmological mishaps in the chatroom in a series of events i still barely understand
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i trounct roger clemens, wrote a hit song, charged home plate to batter a hitter, bobby lashleyd a kansas city royal to the ground after our bench clearen brawl had ended, and given up so many bitch-birthing base hits
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: maybe we just hang out in a fucked up place and my dad is a dumbshit
	Gato: I guess. But can you just dismiss it like that? After all the good times you've had, can you just forget about it and move on?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: shit changes especially when you drink soured milk at bush gardens makes your turds look like those yellow things that transformt out of killer pizzas an attacked the ninja turtles
	Online Host DoctorProctor has entered the chatroom. Online Host DoctorProctor has been kicked from the chatroom.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what am i spost to do cat, keep a big list of everybody in the chatroom an their screennames an how many times they've shown up
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: like i'd be able to update that shit regularly, give me a fucken brake
	Gato: Hey Kyle? Scott Proctor is bothering me over IM, he says he wants to say something to you.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh no i bet he confesses his love for me, watch the fanned fiction writers go fat guy nutso im a be haven sex with spike from buffy within the hour
	Gato: He says it's important.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: "'sod off m8 blimey bloody hell' said spike as he stept out of the shower to find satch farnsworth stretcht out on the bed, his lats glistenen with some sweat"
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: let him in but if his first word aint 'goodbye' im front-leg-back-kicken his ass out of the dugout like his cheeks was made out a metal fans
	Online Host DoctorProctor has entered the chatroom.
	DoctorProctor: Kyle, Jeff Farnsworth is online so I invited him into the chatroom, but there's something you really need to know
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: rut-roh did somebody just type 111MEGADETH
	Gato: Hear him out, Kyle.
	DoctorProctor: Kyle, Jeff is coming back to the major leagues. He just jumped minor league franchises and there's a very real chance he's going to be in the big show by year's end- -but, oh god Kyle, he's...
	Online Host F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y has entered the chatroom.
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: Hello there, little brother.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: aw hell naw