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**Online Host**
Welcome to the Capital Grille Chatroom!
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WordUpThome: "EXPERIENCE INCLUDES AGED BEEF, AWARD WINNING WINE, AND PRIVATE DINING."
/puts down menu
/stares at Flintstones-esque slab of meat on plate |
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WordUpThome: I AM LITERALLY INSIDE OF AWE REGARDING HOW MUCH THEY HAVE AGED THIS BEEF
SOMEONE MUST HAVE RIPPED VAN WINKLE THIS BEEF TO MAKE IT SO OLD
THIS ELDERLY FLANKSTEAK HAS LIVER SPOTS |
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WordUpThome: LMBO HEY GUYS DID YOU HEAR THAT
I SAID 'THIS ELDER FLANKSTEAK HAS LIVER SPO |
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WordUpThome: OH SORRY THIS IS ACTUALLY JUST A PORTION OF LIVER |
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MassettByThatMuch: and I'm like, "oh no Paris Hilton is in jail?" Fuck Paris Hilton! Fuck her orange skin, fuck her fucking arms that look like necks, fuck her giant sunglasses. |
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AarTard: The only thing I would fuck on Paris Hilton is her vagina! She's hot as shit, she doesn't deserve to go to prison! |
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MassettByThatMuch: fuck you you fucking fuck, she is not hot as shit, she IS shit, and I hope the guards have camera phones so they can catch her shanked ass nude on the prison toilet queefing little clouds of nothing that smell like Obsession for Men and send the pictures to TMZ.com. |
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AarTard: Well I wouldn't kick her out of bed is all I'm saying! |
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MassettByThatMuch: You want to fuck Paris Hilton so bad? Dump bleach on Ryan Garko, punch him in the face until one of his eyes goes cock-eyed, and start fucking him. Boom, just like fucking Paris Hilton. |
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WordUpThome: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT LANCE PARRISH |
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WordUpThome: LARRY PARRISH |
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WordUpThome: YOU KNUCKLEHEADS SHOULD KNOCK IT OFF WITH FOUL FRENCH, YOUR AWFUL EIFFEL IS GIVING ME AN EAR FULL |
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MassettByThatMuch: what are you, the mystical protectorate of baseball's innocence?
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AarTard: Yeah Jim I don't see you with a Chicago White Sox motorcycle covered in chains and shit |
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WordUpThome: THE MAIN MAN WAS ONCE TEMPTED BY THAT BASTICH DAVID GLASS
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**Online Host**
Some Time Ago...
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whineglass: i c a n m a k e y o u r
d r e a m s c o m e t r u e
j i i i i |
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whineglass: j i m |
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WordUpThome: OH NO SUDDENLY I AM SANTA CLAUS |
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WordUpThome: ...AND SUDDENLY I WAS SANTA CLAUS |
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MassettByThatMuch: one time David Glass tempted me with the ability to throw a goddamn strike |
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WordUpThome: YOU
SHOULD STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE "G-D"
YOU
SHOULD BE MORE RESPECTFUL OF OUR FELLOW DINNER PATRONS |
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AarTard: especially since I think Oprah Winfrey is sitting near us |
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WordUpThome: OH GOD WHERE
/crushes chair with own weight
/dives under table |
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MassettByThatMuch: that ain't Orpah Winfrey you damn fool, that's Diana Ross |
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AarTard: It ain't fuckin Diana Ross either, Diana Ross looks like the Catbus from My Neighbor Totoro! |
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MassettByThatMuch: You're right, but it ain't Oprah Winfrey neither, I think maybe it's John Amos wearing a doo-wop wig |
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WordUpThome: IT CAN'T BE JOHN AMOS IN A WIG
IF IT WERE, YOU WOULD SEE HIS ROOTS |
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WordUpThome: DOUBLE TAKE
/does double take
YOU HAVE BEEN CURSING WORDS IN FRONT OF THE FAMOUS PATTI LABELLE, SOUL SINGER EXTRA ORDER NAIR
SHE SANG LADY MARMALADE AND NEW ATTITUDE
AND SHE HEARD YOU SAYING "hell" |
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AarTard: oh fuck, I'm sorry! |
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MassettByThatMuch: my mother would rise from her grave a la Altered Beast and beat my ass if she heard me saying things like "cunt felch" in front of one of the Bluebelles. |
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AarTard: Jim, will you go over and apologize for us? |
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MassettByThatMuch: and be the mystical protectorate of our asses |
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WordUpThome: YOU'D BETTER HOPE SHE ISN'T SITTING WITH ANYONE ELSE FAMOUS, LIKE MICHAEL DOOBIE OR THE MARY O BLIGE |
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**Online Host**
Welcome to the Patti LaBelle's table at the Capital Grille Chatroom! |
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WordUpThome: PARDON ME FOLKS THIS IS JI |
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WordUpThome: JIM THOME
AS "MR. WHITE SOX" I FEEL I MUST APOLOGIZE ON BE-HALF OF MY BALL SQUADRON FOR THEIR FLAGRANT USE OF "SHOOT" AND "BOOB" |
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RingLaBelleBitch: It's Alright With Me, Jim. I accept your apology. Now I won't have to Stir It Up! |
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WordUpThome: UH OH ARE YOU EATING SUPPER WITH BOWSER FROM MARIO 1 |
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RingLaBelleBitch: No, Jim, that's Ronald Isley, aka Mr. Biggs! |
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IsleyBrother: Hi, I'm Ronald Isley, aka Mr. Biggs! |
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WordUpThome: GUYS YOU WERE CUSSING IN FRONT OF BOWSER FROM MARIO 1 |
