BabyBirdsPeckinpaugh: with the fifth pick in the 1931 draft, the Cleveland Indians select Shirtless Ronie Merriwether, a 13 year old farm boy from the Iowa Church Leagues who doth knock the hide from the base ball! |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: Good show! /adjusts glasses |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: pardon me |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: The floor recognizes Cornelius Alexander Mack, the "Tall Tactician!" |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: Yes, and it was that very Tacticianing that brings me here today. Baseball has called up on one Connie Mack to lend a kind ear to our recent scandal. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: I refer, of course, to the illegal use of performance enhancing Magnesium Hydroxide, which allows ball players to godlessly alleviate constipation. |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: We all certainly appreciate your lending of ear! Here here! |
|
BabyBirdsPeckinpaugh: Yes, three cheers! I haven't defecated in weeks! |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: Not so fast, gents; I feel that the o'er-the-counter Milk of Magnesia investigations have unfairly targeted Caucasian players! The Anglo-Saxon lot! |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: gasp! What you say! |
|
BabyBirdsPeckinpaugh: /faints |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: I met with, like, five people. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: The only thing that made me upset was they tried to mention too many Caucasian players. I think they try to put the Caucasians to be the bad cloud in this thing. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: This thing was bugging me because everything they asked me was, "Do you ever see this in Massachusetts?" |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: Connie, you can't be serious. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: Deadly serious, Commissioner Landis. I have prepared a choral singing of "Wade in the Water" to further illustrate my point. |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: I ask you, why do you think they asked about so many Caucasian players? Could it be that almost everyone currently playing baseball on a high level of quality is Caucasian? |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: Why have they not probed the Negro Leagues? |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: Because the Columbus Giant Black Crackersocks play in a field of chin-high corn surrounded by eight foot walls? |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: What about that one black gent who gets to play because he's pretending to be a Native Indian? What's his face? |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: You only talked to like, five guys, Connie. You really shouldn't be getting bent out of shape when five guys ask you if Mel Ott downed a Bismol. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: I am 100% against the use of digestive aids, but it's really not any of my business if someone else uses them. |
|
ReturnOfTheMack: It is my opinion that in this world of lies, cheats, and great injustices, it is only the color of my skin that matters, and that it is my right to bring up the color of my skin every time someone speaks to me. |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: Your opinions have been noted. /adjusts glasses |
|
ThisLandisMyLand: Who among you has the next draft pick? Is it not the great Red Sox of Boston? |
|
ShanoMac: with the sixth pick in the 1931 draft, the Boston Red Sox select Fei Ming, a chinaman of great import who may lob the dreaded "curved ball!" |