LadyCop: another relaxing day for the California Highway Patrol, I think I will enjoy my afternoon's profession with a delicious donut

/bites into donut

**Online Host**
A car has driven by doing 83 mph in a 65 mph zone.

LadyCop: oh shi-

ack

aaaahhhck aaahhhck

**Online Host**
A piece of donut is choking the hell out of LadyCop.

LadyCop: /pulls over perp

excuse me sir may I see your drivers license and registration please

CepedaJerusalem: perhaps you may reconize me from my hall of fame plaque, i am mister orlando manuel cepeda pennes

my last name sounds a like penis

/takes a long drag from cigarette holder

LadyCop: license and registration please

CepedaJerusalem: /points cigarette

if i had met you 40 years ago, you would hay been my numberrr oneee lady

LadyCop: I'm flattered.

CepedaJerusalem: you goat damn better well be

LadyCop: license and registration plea-

wait, what is that

CepedaJerusalem: a hypodermic syringe

LadyCop: and what is that, over there

CepedaJerusalem: less than one ounce of marijuana

CepedaJerusalem: i was rushing home to shoot up some weed

/holds up spoon

this is a spoon, i was going to use it to free-base the weed after i shot it up

LadyCop: how were you going to get any kind of reasonable high with less than one ounce of marijauna, what is that, a leaf?

CepedaJerusalem: i'm getting older, ma'am, my joints aren't as strong as they used to be

LadyCop: sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car; step out of the car please sir

CepedaJerusalem: /climbs out of car slowly

LadyCop: I'm sorry about this, but state law demands that I take you into custody until furth-

CepedaJerusalem: excuse me miss do you have the time

LadyCop: I'm going to have to ask you to stop doing that before you get hurt, sir.

CepedaJerusalem: I, uh... /stops

i'm sorry, i did not know what it was that i was doing, for you see, i am a frail old man who

who

/looks around

/grabs bag of white powder out of front seat
/makes a break for it

LadyCop: Aw hell no. /radios