**Online Host**
Nolan_on_the_River has entered the PearlyGates Chatroom.

StPeter: Excuse me, Mr. Ryan, but you aren't allowed to spit here. This is Heaven! And in Heaven you-

Nolan_on_the_River: Oh, jabberjack. Heaven don't put up spittoons, I ain't responsible. /spits again

StPeter: If you'll follow me, I'd like to begin a series of conversational events that allow us to reflect on the life you've lived, and the legacy you've left behind.

StPeter: If I asked you, "Nolan, what is your legacy?" What would you say? Family? Spirit?

Nolan_on_the_River: Striking people out. Beating the shit out of people. What's the answer?

StPeter: uh /consults book of life

"Striking people out, beating the shit out of people." Huh, I didn't know the Book of Life had "shit" in it.

Nolan_on_the_River: Figures.

StPeter: I, uh, well, I don't want to sound like a dick, and you're one of the coolest people ever, but uh... wouldn't you be more comfortable in uh, in Hell?

Nolan_on_the_River: I don't feel comfortable living in the middle of our life's journey with blasphemers, sodomites, and male bulges.

Nolan_on_the_River: I'm Nolan Ryan. Fuck you.

StPeter: well okay uh /flips through book of life silently to avoid conflict

If we're going to skip the wistful look back we can just go ahead and bring you in. If you go through those gates we can get you fitted for a toga and get you a harp. Then it's a lifetime of peace and hap-

Nolan_on_the_River: ya know what, nuts to this

**Online Host**
Meanwhile, in the Round Rock Medical Center Chatroom.

YoungDoctor: /scribbling onto clipboard incoherently

Patient "Lynn Nolan Ryan," fifty-nine years old, pronounced dead at-

YoungDoctor: urkkkk

gurgle

**Online Host**
Nolan_on_the_River is reaching up from the hospital bed to choke the hell out of a YoungDoctor.

YoungDoctor: /turns purple

Nolan_on_the_River: where am I

YoungDoctor: gahkkk aaahh

the hospital

heart failure

blargh

Nolan_on_the_River: /tenses up

**Online Host**
Nolan_on_the_River has headlocked YoungDoctor.

**Online Host**
Nolan_on_the_River is now noogying the shit out of YoungDoctor.

Nolan_on_the_River: /stands, nude, triumphantly on hospital bed